I hate to admit this

[pixie.dust]

Never mind, this shouldn't be shared

[pixie.dust]

I have had some messages from people who read my previous post before I removed it and some that want to know what it was.

I have been struggling with life, graduated with a degree and hate my job prospects. They don't even fit my personality as i am quite and shy, the job requires the opposite. Don't know if I want to live a life of misery as a result and don't have many options. Even if I liked it, I am inbetween jobs and living with my parents at 31 years of age.

Sometimes it feels as though, I will constantly be failing at everything I try. I will admit that I have thought about ending everything and getting out of this world. But ... I can't as that would leave my niece without an uncle and she adores me. It just isn't an option as it is selfish and destructive to those around me. But I can't help but to wonder what it would be like if I was never born.

I can't be myself, even around my own mother. so I have to hide and pretend I am someone else. Like a mask or a puppet. This is very emotionally draining, I kept on thinking that this side of me is simply a phase and that I would just wake up one day and boom, I would be normal. But... that hasn't happened and it only gets harder.

I can't find a job now and fear that failure is always inevitable, my friends all say that I am intelligent... but I don't see it. I forget everything, even my own memories. hell I barely remember what I had for breakfast.

I just know that I don't have an income right now and fear that I will never have enough to live on my own. I have at times felt worthless and like a looser as a result. I should have my s**t together by now, but I don't. Instead, I sit here... typing this message to you all now... in the very home I grew up in. I feel loved by my family, but I feel like I have let them down. like the only job(s) I can obtain are minimum wage. Even with those, I may be turned down as they see me as a flight risk.

Perhaps, my future will change and I will get something steady. even if that happens, I will still have to wear this mask.

[al21321]

hay m8t kik me i want to give some advice but i dont what to put my back round here XGN.Bigal

[Rooster69]

Hi Little.Alexis,
Thank you for your post. I’m glad you felt able to share how you’re feeling here. I know sometimes it’s a little easier to say thes thing to strangers rather than those closest to us.

People do care - even strangers! Your situation struck a chord with me, and I think you’ll be surprised how many people have experienced similar feelings at some point. I have, and while I occasionally go back there, they’re less frequent, and each time is better than the last.
I’ve sent you a PM. You’ve got support here, so please ask/say/vent anything. Sometimes even the process of articulating these things to someone else, while not solving the issues, can help untangle them in the mind - giving a bit of clear thinking space.

[Tem]

Never forget that people care i wish you the best of luck and fortune

[cloudness]

hello, I know exactly how you feel, it took me 3 years to find a job I enjoy and sometimes I still don't feel like I am where I should be life, how you are feeling, is how millions feel, so you are not alone, have you thought about going to talk to someone about this? like a job centre that helps support people with their struggles of finding the right job? and as for what you feel in general, many people feel like that, keep strong keep your friends and family close and try to open up more, you will feel better about it, at first it will be hard but be brave and strong! Im here if you ever want to talk ^^

Ben

ps have a song from me =p https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7auzP9RhCY

[pixie.dust]

There is the unemployment center, but i think you have to be collecting unemployment for it. May be wrong about that though...hmmm

I would be homeless if it wasn't for family and friends. This I am thankful for. I just dont know how long i have until I have overstayed my welcome.

But, I can set a goal to be able to live alone and be myself. Not have to wear a mask anymore.... well... not wear it as often.

I want to say... thank you all!

It does help to know that i am not alone.

-little alexis

[MarvHarvey]

A few hasty points:

• Everyone wears a mask. The only differences are:
  • how often you wear it,
  • how much it covers.
• Masks are worn around mothers more than anyone else!!! YES its true!!!
• There is a shortage of competent people in all of North America for simple jobs like store clerks. These jobs don't pay much but they:
  • give you walking-around money,
  • give you useful experience, believe it or not, at least n getting along with people,
  • give you stuff to put in your c.v. so you don't look like you lived in a basement for 44 years.
• Look for your "work persona" which you put on with your work clothes. This has been very useful for me:
  • an introvert but wherever I work they think I am an extrovert.
  • have a set unit of clothes that are "work" clothes - my uniform.
• Yes, this is a different mask but it is a tool that works for you, not just an escape avenue.
• Be open-minded about how you education might fit into the working world.

Marv

[Butterfly]

I used my mod powers to read what you wrote. I don't want to write a whole lot here, but if you ever need somebody to talk to, please know you can reach out to me. I am only a pm away. And just remember you are never alone.

[cloudness]

Well I wish you good luck, if you need anyone to talk to, I am here ^^

[pixie.dust]

To be honest, I never thought about using a different persona for work. Maybe I could pretent to be a particular movie character or something. If I have multiple... would that make me crazy??

Hmmm, just some food for thought.

Most of my family are highly successful (I mean 6 figures) and here i am applying to low income jobs. I would take one if offered as well... but I get pressure to go for more... this is why I have the degree I have. With something I would hate to be in.

But I fluctuate a great deal in my emotions, usually gets worse when I start to think about it or when people ask how the job search is going. Which is all of the the time.

I think I will be better if I can find anything and then have a purpose in life. I could live off of 25k a year and try to move up in life.

Butterfly, I honestly dont remember everything that was on the original post. Think it was pretty close to the other. I also did not know that you could see original messages like that. It makes sense though

I have learned to take it one day at a time and try to do as much as I can.


-little alexis

[MarvHarvey]

Originally Posted by Little.Alexis

To be honest, I never thought about using a different persona for work. Maybe I could pretent to be a particular movie character or something. If I have multiple... would that make me crazy??

That might be fun if it fit the job! But what I meant is more subtle - look what the job needs and play that role for a few hours. For ex: if you are quiet and analytical and the job needs you to focus on others and what they think. So when you dress for work, think of it as putting on your cloak, and play the part of being more interested in them. Just learn a few things you say and do and treat that as part of the job or part of the clothes.

Originally Posted by Little.Alexis

Most of my family are highly successful (I mean 6 figures) and here i am applying to low income jobs. I would take one if offered as well... but I get pressure to go for more... this is why I have the degree I have. With something I would hate to be in.

But I fluctuate a great deal in my emotions, usually gets worse when I start to think about it or when people ask how the job search is going. Which is all of the the time.

I think I will be better if I can find anything and then have a purpose in life. I could live off of 25k a year and try to move up in life.

This is becoming a circle for you and you must break it. Seriously. Look where they are hiring in numbers and just get started. You are in the USA?...Walmart believe it or not, COSTCO is considered a good place to work, and so on in your area. You just have to be presentable and intelligent and pleasant and you are in. That gives yourself some structure, a platform to build on.

As for a degree you don't like, or at least wish was different, that covers more people than you might think. LOL. But it is education, not an anchor, and you can still use skills/knowledge learned to do what YOU want with your life.

One step. Take it today. Make it forward.

AND: find the type of exercise you like and do it. And even if you don't like it, find time and place to get out for long brisk walks or bike rides or runs, make sure you get out and burn oxygen, work your body (and mind) every day. This feeds mind and spirit as much as body.

[littlemissslave]

Thank you for sharing. People do care about you

[Runesmith]

Originally Posted by Little.Alexis

To be honest, I never thought about using a different persona for work. Maybe I could pretent to be a particular movie character or something. If I have multiple... would that make me crazy??

No. It wouldn't. Most people have different personas or masks that we wear, like MarvHarvey explained. However, a work persona will not make you like a job that you hate.

You have a degree. That's what matters. What doesn't really matter is what you majored in. You don't HAVE to get a job that your degree dictates. Apply for the job that you want. Tell the hiring manager that, yes, you have a degree in ABC, but you want this particular job because this is what you are passionate about, and that you will do what it takes to excel at it. The fact that you stuck with it to get a degree in a subject that doesn't even interest you is proof of your tenacity and persistence.

Mostly, when I hire people in to my team, I look at how motivated and passionate they are about the job, more than their academic qualifications. I mean, let's face it - we take decisions about our future education at an age where we don't even know where to find the clit. Many people feel trapped in degrees and jobs they thought were what they wanted, but turned out to be boring, stressful, or unfulfilling.

Don't let your degree hold you back. Apply for the kind of job you will be happy in. You will be rejected many times, but if you persist, you will find the kind of manager that thinks out of the box. That's the kind of manager that you want to work for, anyway... like the guy who initially hired me. Yes, I am in a field that is not directly related to the post-grad I spent 8 years of my life, and it has worked out pretty well for me. And I am not the only one. For example, during a recent business trip I had a one night stand with a girl who graduated in chemistry, did a post-grad in soil analysis, and now works in real-estate sales. And an orange-coloured real-estate salesman turned reality TV personality (who probably bought his degree), is the president of the world's largest banana republic.

Morale of the story - you have the tools you need. Go out and get your dream job!

[pixie.dust]

Originally Posted by Runesmith

No. It wouldn't. Most people have different personas or masks that we wear, like MarvHarvey explained. However, a work persona will not make you like a job that you hate.

You have a degree. That's what matters. What doesn't really matter is what you majored in. You don't HAVE to get a job that your degree dictates. Apply for the job that you want. Tell the hiring manager that, yes, you have a degree in ABC, but you want this particular job because this is what you are passionate about, and that you will do what it takes to excel at it....

Hello Sir,

I really appreciate your kind words and will take it to heart. I know that what I could get within my field is not of interest to me. I allowed myself to be swayed into it by family. To each there own, I wish that you could work with a mentor in the job being saught for a year prior to starting a degree. Would have saved a bunch or at least switched to something else.

Anyways, I am applying for places outside of my field at the moment and am debating about getting into the trucking industry as they are desperate for drivers. Almost a guaranteed job, but it would be lonely and I would have to use the bathroom in a bucket.

Guess some people might have a kink for that, not me. Anyways, I got a bunch of resumes out and have started reaching out to people. Maybe something where I can help people in need, like a counceler or something.

I have my good days and then my bad days. Like a roller-coaster, but not the good kind. :/

I know that I need to take a break, and enjoy life a tad. My biggest obstacle is myself and then the mass of people. Like seriously, I heard from the grape vine that some get 200 resumes for 1 position and they only look at one resume for 5-10 seconds.

I am starting to look more for a part-time job or two to pay the bills and get out of my family's place. It is embarrassing and I can't get much done here with all of the distractions.

I just, I want my privacy back, to be me. I don't want a bunch of money, just enough to live. I would love that, I work hard and put a bunch of effort into things. I just have really bad luck and I am super nice. People walk all over me, all of the time. I just smile and try to avoid confrontation.

It happens everywhere, i try to stick up for myself but I don't. I don't even know when I was mad about something before, maybe high-school. By mad, I mean that I said something to people when I was upset.

I just, I am a lover not a hater. I would rather smile and show compassion then snoop down to their level. I don't know, I have found some careers that could lead somewhere and if my fam, kick me out. I will go to one of the truck companies. At least I would have a bed and food, may be on wheels.. But I would be working and there is nothing wrong with that. It is kind of a fall back career as it wouldn't be an easy living, but I could see the nomadic lifestyle. Though, I would miss family and being close to home.

I never thought about passion, I enjoy statistics and computers. Like, I could deal with repairing a computer and the like. Plus the counceler idea, would be great.

I just got to take one step at a time. Find something for now and then look for something better.

Thank you for the kind words and hope nothing but the best for you.


-little alexis