11-09-2008, 02:50 PM | #1 |
getDare Sweetheart
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Twins Birthday sleepover [fiction]
Let me introduce a few people first Amy Birthday Girl average build with fairly large Tits about a D cup aged 20 George Birthday Boy average build well toned aged 20 Danni guest of Amy average build not so big on the tits about a C cup aged 22 Fred guest of George average build not so well toned aged 22 It is April 25th 2008 and it is Amy’s and George's birthday they are twins, their parents are going to be going away for the weekend for a business trip, they are told they are allowed to have 1 friend each for a sleepover. The parents go over the normal house rules: 1. No Braking things 2. No more than 1 person each 3. Only use the phone for emergency 4. Only use the money if you need to So it is 12 o’clock and their parents have just left, then about 1 o’clock their friends turned up George and Danni, at first they just chill out and watch some DVD’s and order some pizza, it is now 7pm and they have watch a few DVD’s and ate there pizzas. Then Amy turns around and says do you want a game of Truth or dare, they all turn around and say yes, so they go over a few rules: 1. Only allowed to refuse 2 dares for the whole night 2. Whatever happens tonight stays in these 4 walls 3. Each dare will last 10 mins So let the game begin...................... To be continued please post feedback part 2 will be up in 2/3 days Last edited by 25rob1985; 11-09-2008 at 08:32 PM. |
11-09-2008, 04:59 PM | #2 |
Senior Member
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pretty good keep going
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- nudity, dice dares, bondage, vibrator, toothpaste, small wedgie, Edging -semi-public, slight pain, medium wedgie, dares longer than 2 hours - illegal, a lot of pain, public, family friends, permanent, really messy, poop, Objects which are way to large .[SIGPIC][SIGPIC] |
11-09-2008, 06:33 PM | #3 |
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I like it so far lets get this one going!
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11-09-2008, 10:15 PM | #4 |
getDare Succubus
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere between here and there, in Quebec, Canada...
Posts: 1,662
Blog Entries: 27
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Nice start. So far, too early to say anything good or bad storywise. Will await more before commenting.
However, I don't enjoy the visual presentation, because: 1. Centering the text is not standard presentation; used for titles and nothing more. 2. It dilutes the story behind a visual effect and may engender confusion. 3. It breaks from the beat which the story seeks to establish If you're going to do a list, leave it at the left side of the page. That way: 1. It fits better visually with the rest of the text. 2. It does not displace the eye when looking at the structure. 3. If seals the list within the narrative. The same applies to your character descriptions. Use a more standard format for presentation; visually, it's unnerving to have the descriptions centered like that. Here is your character presentation (same text, different format). Let me introduce a few people first: Amy - Birthday Girl, average build with fairly large Tits about a D cup, aged 20 George - Birthday Boy, average build well toned, aged 20 Danni - guest of Amy, average build not so big on the tits, about a C cup aged 22 Fred - guest of George, average build not so well toned, aged 22 Also, if everyone is of average build no need to mention it. And C cup is not so big? Do you know there is also A and B, and D is the biggest standard cup available? I'd say B is not so big, C is relatively big.
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You can visit my erotic stories website at: interestinglifestories.weebly.com This link can get you to all of my stories on this site as well: Blog for my GD stories |
11-13-2008, 06:53 AM | #5 |
Account Banned
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The line that bit me was "eat there pizzas".
Of the three "there"s, this one refers to a place. Then there is "they're" which is a contraction for "they are", and "their" which shows possession. The line should have been "eat their pizzas". Yes, I am that picky about writing. You should see some of the letters I send to newspapers.... :-)
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[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Looking for something to read? Try these: "Rising Sun" - "The Dinner Party" - "A Day on the Beach" - "The Trap" |
11-19-2008, 02:17 PM | #6 |
getDare Sweetheart
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sorry for the delay in part 2 but it will be up by the weekend
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