[Fiction] Miss Queen of Whores

[Demon girl]

Miss Queen of Whores: part 1 (MORE TO BE POSTED TOMORROW)
A very nice young lady was walking along side a small stream one night, she was on her own, but expected she would be fine, and if not so, she thought she could handle things herself, with a pleasant conversation. Although, she would soon find that not only will she not be fine, but not even a pleasant conversation is to be an option. Not to long ago, 3 days maybe, she had gotten into some trouble with her friends, she had been at a bar, and gotten drunk, she found herself giving a blowjob to some man she had not even laid eyes on before, which led to her letting them play with her boobs. Anyway back to the story. The young girl began to feel as if someone were watching or following her. She stopped for a moment, and heard 1 footstep crunching leaves, and breaking a twig. So the girl turned around and said politely, in a British accent, "Hello, who is there? It's all right, you can trust me..... I won't hurt you." She waited a moment, but recieved no response. So she thought it was just a deer, or rabbit, maybe a squirrel or a bird even, as it wasn't extremely late. She was right, it was an animal, only, it was not what she had hoped. No sooner had she turned around, she saw a large dog standing infront of over, she was almost face to face with it she heard a growl behind her, and slowly turned her head, in the corner of her eye she saw another, and she slowly looked to her right and left, she was surrounded. Next she heard 5 horses walking her way, each 1 had someone riding it. The one infront had a golden saddle, and a leather bridle with beutiful jewels on it, the ridder, was a female, who looked much younger than she truly was. The girl had on shoes with jewles and gold on them. She wore a bra and thong, the bra being lined with diamonds, and she wore sluty thigh high stockings. The lady on the horse looked at her and said quietly, but so all there could hear, "Hello, Emily, you've been very naughty....... gentlemen take her and lock her up, so that she can have a trial later. Oh, and treat her kindly, shes a beutiful girl, I'd hate for her to be harmed."

[SecretlyAngelic]

Very bad spelling ! Awful story ! And boring To !

[Demon girl]

Originally Posted by SecretlyAngelic

Very bad spelling ! Awful story ! And boring To !

I looked over this and there is not even ONE spelling error. This story is not complete, and is not yet at the interesting part, so if all you want to do is bitch and complain, like a child go right ahead.

[Wordsmiff]

Originally Posted by Demon girl

I looked over this and there is not even ONE spelling error. This story is not complete, and is not yet at the interesting part, so if all you want to do is bitch and complain, like a child go right ahead.

jewles is spelt JEWELS!
beutiful is spelt BEAUTIFUL
ridder is spelt RIDER

SHOULD I GO ON?

And don't talk to SecretlyAngelic like that. She's only trying to help!

[Wordsmiff]

I'm sure it'll be edited, so just for the record, here's the original.

As SecretlyAngelic said, it's got bad spelling, poor punctuation and grammar and, yes, it is indeed boring.

You tell her, Fluby.

Originally Posted by Demon girl

Miss Queen of Whores: part 1 (MORE TO BE POSTED TOMORROW)
A very nice young lady was walking along side a small stream one night, she was on her own, but expected she would be fine, and if not so, she thought she could handle things herself, with a pleasant conversation. Although, she would soon find that not only will she not be fine, but not even a pleasant conversation is to be an option. Not to long ago, 3 days maybe, she had gotten into some trouble with her friends, she had been at a bar, and gotten drunk, she found herself giving a blowjob to some man she had not even laid eyes on before, which led to her letting them play with her boobs. Anyway back to the story. The young girl began to feel as if someone were watching or following her. She stopped for a moment, and heard 1 footstep crunching leaves, and breaking a twig. So the girl turned around and said politely, in a British accent, "Hello, who is there? It's all right, you can trust me..... I won't hurt you." She waited a moment, but recieved no response. So she thought it was just a deer, or rabbit, maybe a squirrel or a bird even, as it wasn't extremely late. She was right, it was an animal, only, it was not what she had hoped. No sooner had she turned around, she saw a large dog standing infront of over, she was almost face to face with it she heard a growl behind her, and slowly turned her head, in the corner of her eye she saw another, and she slowly looked to her right and left, she was surrounded. Next she heard 5 horses walking her way, each 1 had someone riding it. The one infront had a golden saddle, and a leather bridle with beutiful jewels on it, the ridder, was a female, who looked much younger than she truly was. The girl had on shoes with jewles and gold on them. She wore a bra and thong, the bra being lined with diamonds, and she wore sluty thigh high stockings. The lady on the horse looked at her and said quietly, but so all there could hear, "Hello, Emily, you've been very naughty....... gentlemen take her and lock her up, so that she can have a trial later. Oh, and treat her kindly, shes a beutiful girl, I'd hate for her to be harmed."

[TheBitchofBitches]

It would be easier to read in smaller paragraphs then one chunk of text.

[Demon girl]

Originally Posted by TheBitchofBitches

It would be easier to read in smaller paragraphs then one chunk of text.

This is trying to help, what she is trying to do is bitch and complain, also trying to get attention.

[Wordsmiff]

She was pointing out your spelling errors, which I also did.

You said there were NONE, I found at least 3!!

It's not bitching to tell someone their writing is poor.

Read and spell-check before you post.

[Wordsmiff]

Just a tip.

If this is not the interesting part, then it might be a good idea to START with the interesting part otherwise people are not going to get to the interesting part.

It's no good saying the interesting part is coming later. People won't wait that long.

Start with a bang and get people interested right from the first paragraph. It'll pay off in the long run

I'm not criticising your work. I think more people should start writing. It's just that most people reading these won't continue unless you hook them from the start.

I hope this helps everyone who is thinking of starting a story on here.