[Fiction] Roommates

[helliswhatyoumake]

Hi, a bit of pretext I like writing thing and kinda want to give doing this stuff a try. I would be really interested in hearing feedback on my writing style and anything you think is wrong either story wise or grammar wise.

I'm considering writing in the first person for some parts to try but continuing just depends on feedback, positive or more helpfully some criticism that will help me know what to do better with. PM or reply THX


“Oh Charlie” Liam called in a teasing voice, causing the smaller boy to immediately head over to the couch.

“What do you want” Charlie scoffed getting fed up of constantly being ordered around by him.

When Charlie was within arms reach he was pulled down to the couch, into the arms of the much stronger man. He knew that he would only piss him off if he rejected the advance so just let him, even when he pushed his hand down into his trousers fondling his ass and cock.

Charlie lay docile thinking about if he had made the right decision, he had moved in with Liam just a couple of months into their relationship. When Charlie had needed to move out for going to university Liam had proposed he move in, not charging anything. This was a no brainer for Charlie but since he had moved in Liam had started getting more controlling.

Liam was into some kiny stuff but Charlie didn’t usually mind because he liked making him happy, but since Liam had put the Chastity cage on him and started to limit what he could wear he started getting concerned. He couldn’t decide if he loved or hated what Liam was doing.

“Hmm You know I think your still a bit overdressed, let’s add from now on no more underwear in addition to your cute little bare feet” Liam teased, tapping the boys chastity cage causing his confined member to strain against the bars.

He looked at Liam with pleading eyes knowing it was hopeless, after a few agonising seconds he stood up giving another look to Liam before dropping his jeans and boxers. Displaying the metal cage he was wearing and as soon as he had his jeans back on, Liam put his hand out and gestured for his boxers.

Charlie sighed as he gave them to him which only earned him a hard slap which snapped his head to the side before he was dismissed to go make dinner for the both of them.

Charlie spent the rest of the day lamenting the loss of his underwear in addition to his socks, being barefoot constantly was annoying and his feet were constantly cold from the lack of carpets in the apartment. He especially hated when Liam had him take the underwear from the washing basket and his wardrobe to a closet in the hall, where his underwear was locked away joining his socks.

“Want to earn some good boy points” Liam whispered in his ear his hand again down the boys trousers stimulating the boys aching cock. Charlie eagerly nodded, he was extremely horny having not cum since the cage had been fitted three days ago.

[helliswhatyoumake]

Hi, again trying more to push the story to be through Charlies perspective but I feel like something is off in the writing of this one if anyone can see any flaws in the writing

Liam dragged him to his bedroom before unceremoniously dropping the boy on the floor.

“Strip” he sat frozen not accustomed to the harsh tone Liam had used, that was until a swift kick made him scamper to action. Discarding his jeans and shirt on the floor beside him.

Liam watched him for a few seconds, apparently waiting for the him to do something before he left the room. He reappeared soon after, grabbing him by the back of his neck and pushing him face first into the carpet forcing him to lie flat on his stomach.

He lay still, the larger man easily overpowering him. Liam had his knee on his back and wasn’t doing anything yet, he wanted to look around and see what Liam was doing but as he was about to Liam took his wrists and cuffed them helplessly behind his back.

Charlie started tugging against the cuffs, they only made the everything more uncomfortable. Liam was clearly up to something, he was just holding him there probably getting some kind of power trip from this.

Liam lifted him up to sit on his knees, dropping his trousers

“Open up Bitch” Liam barked, pressing his cock to Charlie’s lips.

Charlie opened his lips to protest against Liams choice of words but only got a meek groan out before Liam’s cock invaded his mouth. Liam grabbed the back of his head as he eased his cock deeper causing the him to gag before the cock started to fuck the his mouth.

Charlie had little option in what was happening he sat and took it. It didn’t take long until his face became steaked by tears, not only for the assault on his mouth but also the humiliation of the situation. To make it worse his cock was straining in the cage, adding to his frustration.

After what seemed like an eternity Liam finally pulled his cock out of the snotty mouth and sprayed his seed over the boys tear stained face and chest.

Charlie just knelt there, the boys will to do anything had been stripped out of him with the mouth fucking. He couldn’t get the courage to look at Liam right now. He could feel Liam’s eyes studying him and the smirk he was sure would be on his face.

It wasn’t until Liam grabbed his arm that he broke this taboo. Laim had a shit eating grin as he dragged him over to the mirror and sat him in front of it.

“Now bitch stay here until I come back for you, don’t do anything, just sit there.. Understand?” Liam was talking to him as if he was a small child, charlie just nodded.

A piercing pain tore across his jaw as Liam grabbed his jaw and made him look at him

“When I ask you a question I expect I response” Liam growled his face was flushed with anger “understand” Liam said after a charlie didn’t response

“Yes” Charlie choked

“Yes Master” Liam said emphasizing the Master, squeezing his jaw harder.

“Yes Master” Charlie squeaked the pain in his jaw growing

“Good, i'll see you later. Be a good boy” Liam mocked as he abandoned the boy in the bedroom

Charlie wanted to cry, he had been kneeling in front of the mirror long enough for Liam's seed to have started to dry. The smell was terrible and seemed to cling to him no matter how long he waited, he just couldn’t understand why Liam was being so cruel. Usually it wasn’t this bad but Liam seemed to just want to hurt him lately.

He thought about leaving and going home, but his parents were already angry with him for moving out and he didn’t think they would care for him. Especially since his little brother the “golden child” now was getting all the attention he deserved. Even if they did let him move back would he even be able to afford to commute to uni and what about paying digs and food.

He couldn’t do that. There were so many things that could go wrong, maybe Liam would go easier on him when they get used to living together.

“Having fun there?” the voice made him jump and he saw Liam leaning in the doorway smirking at him

“Can we please stop this” Charlie whined

“Your missing something there” Liam teased walking up to him

Charlie sighed looking down “can we please stop this Master”

“Better. And yeah lets go get you all cleaned up” Liam said grabbing him by the arm and haling him to his feet which seemed like they weren’t going to hold his weight.

Liam half dragged, half carried the stumbling boy to the bathroom before carefully standing him in the shower.

“A quick hose down should do it” Liam said as he grabbed the hose, Charlie squealed as he was hit by freezing cold water. Unable to protect himself from the assault with the handcuffs on. All he could do was cower away.

Slowly he uncoiled himself as the water slowly heat up and soon it wasn’t so bad, Liam didn’t leave a single piece of him untouched by the warm stream and didn't actually do that bad a job at cleaning the crusting cum off of him.

“All good as new” Liam said looking proud of himself.

Charlie felt that he couldn’t be further from the truth