[Fiction] My borther's sleepover

[MarisaLaugh]

This is my first story, so don't laugh!
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Chapter 1

My brother Birthday Party was a blow. We had cake and ice-cream and all of the other things a 5 year old could want. Too bad we aren’t five! Even my parents noticed that the decorations and food choice was a bit childish, and that’s how it all started.
When the party was over, we were all relieved that we didn’t have to pretend to like everything. Most of the guests went home, but five of them stayed. Jake (My brother) had invited Ryan, Jacob, Gage, Justin, and Seth to stay for a sleepover. And, like all sleepovers, I wasn’t invited. So I was left to play video games (Bio-Shock!) alone.
Too bad for them. While I as entertained by my game, they were awfully quiet in there. It didn’t sound like they were having too much fun.
Out of the blue, Gage casually walks out of Jake’s room and sits next to me. My mind was racing as to how come he was in here and not with the rest of the guys. I’ve had a crush on Gage ever since I met him! Why would he want to separate himself from the party? Then, my mind was shushed as he said, “You want to come play truth or dare with us?” Darn, Jake had probably put him up to it.
“Nah, I’m good out here.” I answered. If Jake had anything to do with it (which he probably did), then I didn’t want to fall for it.
“Come on, it will be fun!” he said as he took my hands and pulled me to my feet. We walked into Jake’s room. I suspected the worst.


So guys, how did you like it? Should I keep writing or not??? Tell me what you think!!!!
Well, since I’ve already started, I’m going to go ahead and write Chapter 2!


Chapter 2


I walked into Jake’s room, followed by Gage. All eyes were on me as everyone fell silent. Then Jake’s voice piped up, “So, who wants to go first?”
I really did enjoy truth or dare, but I was afraid. I mean, Jake would definitely make me do something embarrassing. And my crush was here!
“I will!” Jacob said. He was a big kid, with short, light brown hair. He was probably 6ft 2’. I was almost 1 ft shorter than him. Well, I am 1 ft shorter than him, but that’s not the point. “Now, Seth, truth or dare?” He said, trying to sound menacing.”
“Truth.” Seth answered softly. He was a short fellow, skinny, with light brown hair that was about ear length. He was definitely the smallest one here.
“Wuss, but okay,” Jacob said. “Have you ever had a gay moment?”
“No!” Seth said. But I had a feeling that if anyone in this room was gay, it would be him.
“Okay, now, Gage. Truth or dare?” Seth asked
“Dare!” Gage exclaimed, trying to show off being the first one to pick dare.
“I dare you to…take off your pants and leave them off for the rest of the game!” Seth said, proud to have come up with a dare like that.
“Dude, I can’t do that, there is a girl in here!” He practically whispered.
“You have to, or you get punished, which would be way worst!
Seth explained.
“Fine.” Gage said, turning around and slowly pulling down his jeans.
If that was what the first dare was, I hate to think about what would happen when thet were all warmed up!
“Marisa, truth or dare?” Gage asked me.
“Truth.” I said shyly.
“Okay, is it true that you like someone in this room?”
“Yes.” I said.
“Really? Who is it?” Gage asked. He looked like he really wanted to know.
“Whoa, hold up! You only get 1 question!” I laughed. “Ryan, truth or dare?”

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Okay guys. Do you like it?? Any suggestions on what Ryan should have to do??

[coldnorth]

i would like to read more kool!

[KWM]

This story has potential. I like that it doesn't rush like some stories here. Keep it up.

[MarisaLaugh]

Thanks guys, but I really need suggestions for Ryan and what he should do!

[seth18]

Best start since 'This baby sitting job isn't working out..' I like how you just started with your story, no names, character details, or anything. I figured 'your' character was female, but had to wait and find out, which I like. Most stories just state names & details, I like these kind better.

There could have been more detail at the very begining with the party, and I see you have yet to set an age group, that is usually important, but I have a feeling that will be including the same as the other details, atleast I'm hoping it is.

Really good start, keep it up.
(I wasn't planning on even logging in today, but I had to comment here.)

[Hunanic]

i like it, keep it up!

[javer03]

Great start keep it up.

[taicotony]

it has a lot of potential marisa, just increase the detail and maybe describe the characters a little at the outset to get everyone interested....

[MarisaLaugh]

I still don't know what to do wit Ryan!!!!