Trouble [fiction]

penguin13 · 04-14-2007, 08:51 PM

Richie,a boy of 15,wakes up to his alarm clock. Then he gets dressed and runs downstairs and out the door. While walking he sees a girl following him for the past couple of miles. Finally he gets to Brandons,his best friends,house. So he knocks on the door, but noone answers the door. Whenever he turns around the girl is right infront of him and she says "Dont you remember me. Im in your social studies class my names Kylie?" So he answers yea.....no. She says "Well your girlfriend told me to tell you thet shes going on a trip with her parents and that your my slave for the whole month that shes gonna be gone" Then she quickly grabs him and drags him to her house. Whenever they get into the house she tells him to strip and put on these clothes a mini skirt,g-string,a black t-shirt,and a pair of heels. she then demands him to go grocery shopping and he cant come back until he gets 6 tubes of toothpaste,steaks,and a web cam. While hes in the store he gots to drops something on "accindent" and have at least two people watching.

penguin13 · 04-17-2007, 05:02 PM

if you guys have any ideas please post them for pt 2

Memories for Life · 03-19-2010, 01:53 PM

First off, you could write a story that makes even some logical sense! You walk to your best friend's house and observe the girl following you "for a couple of miles"?

Then she just tells you your gf told her you were her slave for an entire month??? Gf must have forgotten to tell you!

Finally, she grabs you and drags you to her house which I'm guessing is next door to your best friend's house or did she drag you "a couple miles" back to where she was waiting for you, like next door to your house but you've never seen her before! She just tells you where these clothes and you just say "OK"???

Fiction doesn't mean illogical fantasy!

fitzy · 03-19-2010, 02:50 PM

agree with post above also the sentence structure is bad. alot of thing happen in first 2 line need to be more detailed

Demon Thief · 03-20-2010, 01:15 PM

You have a decent idea here, but you need to slow down a little and add more detail. Also work on your spelling and grammer. If you do that, you could have a good story here.

04-14-2007, 08:51 PM	#1
penguin13 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: America Posts: 22	Trouble [fiction] Richie,a boy of 15,wakes up to his alarm clock. Then he gets dressed and runs downstairs and out the door. While walking he sees a girl following him for the past couple of miles. Finally he gets to Brandons,his best friends,house. So he knocks on the door, but noone answers the door. Whenever he turns around the girl is right infront of him and she says "Dont you remember me. Im in your social studies class my names Kylie?" So he answers yea.....no. She says "Well your girlfriend told me to tell you thet shes going on a trip with her parents and that your my slave for the whole month that shes gonna be gone" Then she quickly grabs him and drags him to her house. Whenever they get into the house she tells him to strip and put on these clothes a mini skirt,g-string,a black t-shirt,and a pair of heels. she then demands him to go grocery shopping and he cant come back until he gets 6 tubes of toothpaste,steaks,and a web cam. While hes in the store he gots to drops something on "accindent" and have at least two people watching. Last edited by penguin13; 04-15-2007 at 04:11 PM.

03-19-2010, 02:50 PM	#4
fitzy getDare Sweetheart Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: ireland Posts: 297	agree with post above also the sentence structure is bad. alot of thing happen in first 2 line need to be more detailed __________________ Likes: masturbation, humiliation, piss, light pain, light bondage limits:family , major pain, permenant, shaving, public,poo i have been a very naughty boy and deservie to be punished

03-20-2010, 01:15 PM	#5
Demon Thief getDare Devil Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: In the US Posts: 1,009	You have a decent idea here, but you need to slow down a little and add more detail. Also work on your spelling and grammer. If you do that, you could have a good story here. __________________ "How many seconds in eternity?" And the shepherd's boy says, "this is a mountain of pure diamond. It takes an hour to climb it and an hour to go around it. Every hundred years a little bird comes and sharpens its beak on the diamond mountain. And when the entire mountain is chiseled away then the first second of eternity will have passed." You must think that's a hell of a long time. Personally, I think that's a hell of a bird. 14 years on GetDare!

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04-17-2007, 05:02 PM	#2
penguin13 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: America Posts: 22	if you guys have any ideas please post them for pt 2

03-19-2010, 01:53 PM	#3
Memories for Life getDare Devil Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Jacksonville, FL Posts: 1,012	First off, you could write a story that makes even some logical sense! You walk to your best friend's house and observe the girl following you "for a couple of miles"? Then she just tells you your gf told her you were her slave for an entire month??? Gf must have forgotten to tell you! Finally, she grabs you and drags you to her house which I'm guessing is next door to your best friend's house or did she drag you "a couple miles" back to where she was waiting for you, like next door to your house but you've never seen her before! She just tells you where these clothes and you just say "OK"??? Fiction doesn't mean illogical fantasy!