Hearthstone Dungeon Run Dare part 1/6

[Fieldofbunnys]

Today is the day you use your adventuring talent to rid dungeons of their evil, and of course grab as much loot as you can. Before you run headfirst into those dungeons or even open up Hearthstone, we must gear you up for the worst and perhaps even the best.
Luckily for you, I have prepared a few different backpacks for you. The larger the backpack, the larger the… Difficulty. However, a small backpack won't carry as much loot as a giant backpack. Make sure to document everything that happens :3
Choose wisely…
The Tiny backpack: This backpack just has 4 clothespins, a coin, something cold, a pen, something to write on, a spoon, a cup(for drinking), and a little note that has a little smiley face drawn on it that is saying “good luck”. This backpack can hold about 1000 gold pieces.

The Small backpack: This backpack has 4 clothespins, a coin, something cold, a pen, something to write on, a spoon, a blindfold, a paddle, 4 rubber bands, a cup(for drinking), and a hat of your choice. This backpack can hold about 2500 gold pieces.

The Medium backpack: This backpack has 6 clothespins, a coin, something cold, a pen, something to write on, a spoon, a blindfold, a paddle, 4 rubber bands, a cup(for drinking), rope, a few candles, your favourite pillow, a reasonable amount of ice cubes(or another reasonable shape for ice), and 4 extra pairs of underwear. This backpack can hold about 7000 gold pieces.

The Large backpack: This backpack has 8 clothespins, a coin, something cold, a pen, something to write on, a spoon, a blindfold, a paddle, 4 rubber bands, a cup(for drinking), rope, a few candles, your favourite pillow, a reasonable amount of ice cubes(or another reasonable shape for ice), a gag, vibrators, and the best printed out image of yourself you can find. This backpack can hold about 20000 gold pieces.

And now it is time for some important rules to follow and a few misconceptions that are bound to happen when there is a lot of interpretation involved. These misconceptions will be cleared up before it happens.
1: The Backpacks
You can't change anything about the backpacks even if something says you can. This is so the balance of difficulty is just right.
If something tells you to do something and you don't have the equipment to do so, then you don't have to do it. The only catch is you might miss out on gold.
Only choose a backpack that you have the tools for and are willing to use.

2: Choosing a treasure
You actually choose two treasures, one in the game, and one from this dare. The Dungeon Run is already hard enough to do otherwise.
You only get to choose out of the choices given to you in the game though.
I explain this later if you still don't get it.

3: Encounters
“When encountered” means when you are first revealed who you are fighting. This is so you have a chance to do what is required in this dare.
“Victory” means you defeated the encounter instead of losing, and there is normally a reward for doing so. To win, you must set your opponent's life to 0 or lower.
“Defeat” means you were defeated by the encounter instead of winning, and there is normally a punishment for doings so. To lose, your life must be set to 0 or lower.
“Quest” means that if you do something specific during this encounter, you will be rewarded. There is no punishment for not completing quests. They are a bonus.
“Reward” is what you get for completing the “Quest”, not for completing the encounter.
If you manage to ever end the match in a draw (both players simultaneously lose), it counts as a defeat, but you get to continue your Dungeon Run normally.

4: Treasures
Some treasures allow you to change numbers in this dare. Some of them most likely break this dare. That is fine.
You can not change number words. For example, Once, Twice, Thrice, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Solo, Double, Single, etc… However, number words like one, two, three, four, five, etc… are fine. You also can not change these rules.
Passive treasures are effects that just happen, and non-passive treasures are effects that you have to control.

5: Gold
The amount of gold you collect during your Dungeon Run whither you were defeated or victorious dictates how successful you were during your Dungeon Run. It is basically your score. Will someone else have a better score than you using the same backpack? Who knows?
If something says you lose your gold, it means your collected gold has been set to zero

6: Other things…
“What does being considered a Murloc mean?” There are a few bosses that can turn you into a Murloc, and there are a few bosses that are fond of Murlocs. Murlocs can not wear clothing though… At least you can't.
“Armour?” If you gain armour somehow, you can spend 1 armour to avoid 1 spank. This is because there seems to be quite a bit of spanking.
“Isn't the Witchwood expansion coming out just as this dare is released?” I started working on this dare before the Witchwood expansion was announced…
“What if I have no clothing left to remove?” Then you don't have to take off any clothes
“Are you sure that Warrior is still going to be as weak as you say when this next expansion comes out?” o,o nope…
“It says to put clothespins on both my nipples, but I have three nipples. Now what?” My bad… Just um… Choose two of them I guess…
“Are you a single Canadian?” Yes :3
“It says ‘During your next Dungeon Run’, does that mean I have to do another Dungeon Run?” You don't have to do another Dungeon Run, you have free will and nothing I can say will change that. However, you want to win don't you? :3
“What does simulating dripping hot wax on yourself exactly mean?” It means to blast extremely hot water on any part of your body for about half a second. This is because hot wax kinda sucks xD

Now that you are equipped for your adventure and know the basics… At least I hope you are. You should at least be wearing pants, underwear, and a shirt…
I must tell you a few things about the dungeon.
There are no washrooms in the dungeon, so you will have to hold your bladder until you leave the dungeon.
Monsters will devour you in an instant if they smell an orgasm, however they can't smell ruined orgasms. This should not be a problem for you.
The last thing you should know is if you document everything that happens to you and post a full report, you will gain 2000 bonus gold pieces. Even if a boss takes all your gold.

You may now open up Hearthstone and enter the dungeon. Don't choose a class yet.
You open the door and you can see your first encounter up ahead.
If the encounter is a Giant Rat, nothing happens. It is just a giant rat. Don't worry, you got this in the bag.
If the encounter is a Wee Whelp, nothing happens. Luckily, it is not the mama.
If the encounter is Bink the Burglar, flip a coin. If it is heads, you get to keep the coin as 1 extra gold piece. If it is tails, you lose the coin and you are not allowed to go second against any boss you encounter.
Luckily for you, you get to choose a class. Otherwise you would be wrecked.
The class you choose has its benefits and downsides. If you lose, you may try a different class. You must choose the class that you choose in game.
Again, choose wisely…

Priest: Controlling the light and smiting anything that is not deemed holy. That is what you do.
You must have the 5 most closest lights on during your Dungeon Run.
You may not swear or curse at the computer during your Dungeon Run.
You must edge 2 times after each encounter.
You must edge 2 times after having a ruined orgasm.
Hero Power: You may cum once you reach the second last encounter of the Dungeon Run.
Upgraded Hero Power: You may cum once you reach the third last encounter of the Dungeon Run.

Mage: Powerful spells that send your opponents begging for mercy at the snap of your fingertips. That is what you desire most.
You must be sitting on something cold during your Dungeon Run.
You must drink a cup of water after each encounter.
You must edge each time you drink a cup of water.
Hero Power: Whenever you are told to get naked or remove clothing, you may strip to your underwear instead.
Upgraded Hero Power: Whenever you are told to get naked, you may keep what you have on instead.

Warlock: Demons, sacrifice, pain, and evil. That sums it up for you.
You must have have clothespins on your nipples while choosing your treasure.
Once you choose your treasure, you may take any amount of clothespins off your body.
You may spank yourself 5 times to gain 1 gold piece unless you have a medium to large size backpack. Use the best spanking tool available.
Hero Power: You may have a ruined orgasm to avoid something you don't want to do. Not including ruined orgasms.
Upgraded Hero Power: You may edge 4 times to avoid something you don’t want to do. Not including edging.

Druid: Nature must be preserved. That...
You must not wear clothing during your Dungeon Run. If something tells you to put on clothes, you don't.
You may use the washroom as you normally would… Outside…
You must have at least 3 curtains open in your house during your Dungeon Run.
You must speak like Malfurion during your Dungeon Run.
Hero Power: Whenever you are told to roll a die or flip a coin, you may get on all fours and crawl to the farthest window in your house and back, if you do, it becomes choose one.
Upgraded Hero Power: Whenever you are told to roll a die or flip a coin, you may walk to the farthest window in your house and back, if you do, it becomes choose one.

Hunter: You love beasts, killing beasts, and even beasts killing beasts. That is what you like.
You must be wearing a hat during your Dungeon Run.
Your ankles must be tied together during your Dungeon Run.
At the start of each encounter, you must hit your face against a soft pillow 5 times.
You must be wearing a gag during your Dungeon Run.
Hero Power: Whenever you are told to harm yourself for any reason, you may roll a d6, if you roll a 6 or higher, you may choose to ignore it.
Upgraded Hero Power: Whenever you are told to harm yourself for any reason, you may roll a d6, if you roll a 5 or higher, you may choose to ignore it.

Paladin: Justice, justice, justice, justice, justice…
You must be wearing clothespins on your nipples for at least one full encounter.
You must use your other hand to play for at least one full encounter.
You must be naked for at least one full encounter.
You must spank yourself twice at the start of each turn for at least one full encounter. Use the best spanking tool available.
You must emote once per turn for at least one full encounter.
You must be singing a song during one full encounter at least once.
You must talk like Uther for at least one full encounter.
Hero Power: You may not do more than one of these things per encounter.
Upgraded Hero Power: You may not do more than two of these things per encounter.

Rouge: You love to sneak around and surprise your foes with trickery.
You must have all the lights in the room off while you are playing.
You do not have to do anything that has you standing in front of a window.
Whenever you are told to flip a coin, you gain 1 gold piece.
Whenever you roll a die, you must spank yourself equal to the result (Including rerolls). You must do this even if you roll a die without being told to. Use the best spanking tool available.
Hero Power: You may reroll the result of any dice you roll. Not including rerolled dice.
Upgraded Hero Power: You may reroll the result of any dice you roll. Including rerolled dice.

Shaman: You control the elements and powerful wisdom. You believe in RNGesus.
After each encounter, you must roll a d6 and gain gold pieces equal to the result.
After each encounter, you must roll a d6 and edge equal to the result.
After each encounter, you must roll a d6, on a 2 or lower, you must drink a cup of water.
After each encounter, you must roll a d6 and spank yourself equal to the result. Use the best spanking tool available.
At the start of each encounter, you must write the bosses name on a foot of your choice with a pen (not an ultra violet pen).
At the start of each encounter, you must roll a d6, on a 4, you must remove 1 article of clothing. You may remove 1 article of clothing from someone else if that is an option
Hero Power: Before the above happens, choose 2 of the above that you have not chosen in the most previous encounter, the chosen 2 of the above don't happen this encounter.
Upgraded Hero Power: Before the above happens, choose 3 of the above that you have not chosen in the most previous encounter, the chosen 3 of the the above don't happen this encounter.

Warrior: You enjoy getting your ass kicked. You think you are tough, but no, you are just trash.
It is hard to win as Warrior.
At the start of each encounter, gain 20 armour (You may spend 1 armour to avoid 1 spank).
If you complete the entire Dungeon Run as Warrior, you may PM me proof that you completed it, if your evidence sufficient, you gain 50,000 gold pieces and a backpack that can hold it all, or you can have me as your slave for 4 days.
Hero Power: Whenever you fail your Warrior Dungeon Run with this dare, you must spank yourself equal to the amount of bosses you have defeated as Warrior. (If you have done a bunch of Dungeon Runs as Warrior before this dare… Good luck ) Use the best spanking tool available.
Upgraded Hero Power: Whenever you fail your Warrior Dungeon Run with this dare, you must spank yourself equal to half the amount of bosses you have defeated as Warrior. Use the best spanking tool available.

Now that you have chosen your class it is time to battle your first encounter.
Your first encounter should be really easy, but be warned, it is still possible to lose on your first encounter.

A Giant Rat: “Hehehe”

Spoiler:

Victory: You get out unscathed.
Defeat: You are filled with such shame and must now stand in a corner for 13 minutes without any clothes on before trying again.
Quest: Play all of your cards before defeating the Giant Rat.
Reward: 300 gold pieces

A Wee Whelp: “Not the Mama”

Spoiler:

When encountered: You must drink a glass of water to cool yourself down.
Victory: You get out unscathed.
Defeat: You are filled with such embarrassment and must now spank yourself 50 times before trying again. Use the best spanking tool available to you.
Quest: Play all your cards before defeating the Wee Whelp.
Reward: 300 gold pieces

Bink the Burglar: “Heads, I win. Tails, you lose”

Spoiler:

When encountered: Flip a coin, and keep it as 1 gold piece.
Victory: Flip a coin, if Heads, you get out unscathed, if Tails, you must edge once.
Defeat: You are filled with such humiliation and must now flip a coin, if heads, you must stand in a corner for 12 minutes without any clothes on before trying again, if tails, you must spank yourself 40 times before trying again. Use the best spanking tool available.
Quest: Play all your cards before defeating Bink the Burglar.
Reward: 400 gold pieces.

After easily defeating your first encounter, it is time to loot the room for some sweet treasure. Unfortunately, you can only choose a few treasures. A treasure in the game and a treasure from this dare. These treasures will help you greatly in your Dungeon Run and this dare. Pick a following treasure out of the options given to you in the game. Only read the choices given to you.

Battle Totem:

Spoiler:

Double All numbers and number words in this dare for the rest of your Dungeon Run.

Captured Flag:

Spoiler:

You may add or subtract 1 from any dice roll you make.

Cloak of Invisibility:

Spoiler:

You may wear clothes while you are supposed to be naked.

Crystal Gem:

Spoiler:

Whenever you are told to roll a die, instead roll two dice and choose one of those. If you get two of these, pick a number instead.

Glyph of Warding:

Spoiler:

Whenever you are told to spank yourself, half the amount of spanks. If you get two of these, you don't have to do anything with candles or hot wax.

Grommash’s Armguards:

Spoiler:

Whenever you are told to spank yourself, gain 25 armour. You may spend 1 armour to avoid 1 spank. As a bonus, whenever you are told to spank yourself, you may use whatever tool you want.

Justicar’s Ring:

Spoiler:

Upgrade your Hero Power.

Khadgar’s Scrying Orb:

Spoiler:

You may look at what is under “hover your cursor over to reveal text boxes” before you decide if what you are going to choose once per encounter. If you get two of these, you may look at what is under “hover your cursor over to reveal text boxes” for the rest of your Dungeon Run without any consequences. (Consequences within the “hover your cursor over to reveal text boxes”)

Mysterious Tomb:

Spoiler:

At the start of each encounter roll 1 cube shaped die three times
Do as follows for each dice rolled.
(1): Gain 10 gold pieces.
(2): Remove 1 article of clothing from yourself.
(3): Spank yourself 10 times. Use the best spanking tool available.
(3.5): Spank yourself 15 times. Use the best spanking tool available.
(4): Give yourself a wedgie.
(5): Do 3 push-ups.
(6): Gain 12 gold pieces.

Potion of Vitality:

Spoiler:

You only have to drink half as much water for the rest of your Dungeon Run. If you get two of these, whenever something tells you to drink water, you may choose to not.

Robe of the Magi:

Spoiler:

Add 30 to all numbers in this dare that are above 30. If you get two of these, add 70 to all numbers in this dare that are above 30.

Small Backpacks:

Spoiler:

You may carry 5000 extra gold pieces. If you get two of these, you may carry 11500 extra gold pieces.

Sceptre of Summoning:

Spoiler:

Change all numbers from 15 through 35 to the number 5.

Totem of the Dead:

Spoiler:

You gain 450 gold pieces for each defeated encounter this Dungeon Run.

Now that you have chosen your treasure, you feel pretty confident. You feel like this is going to be easy. It is time to face your next encounter.
This is a long dare, so it is in a few parts.

[Fieldofbunnys]

Make sure to post your results on part 6

[cheesy dude]

Really nice dare, very well thought out and clearly you have know Hearthstone inside out.

I am terrible at Dungeon runs, never won. But extra fun when playing this dare!