Is it rude to PM without an ad?

[NoLimitz]

Hey, thanks for clicking onto my question. What I was wondering is...Sometimes when I look through getdare I see good Dommes/subs/ that I'd be interested in talking too. The problem is, If i really think we'd be a good fit, usually I'll look through their threads for an ad and see if I am what they'd be looking for. So my question is, if someone doesn't have an ad up but has said they are a Domme/sub ...is it rude to ask? Any advice would be appreciated, Thank you!

[Grand.Master691]

That's a very good question. I don't think it is rude to send a private message to someone who might seem to be a good match for you. Maybe he/she is not looking for a sub, but he should also be polite to tell you that. Afterall, a good conversation between people here is more than welcome.

[Nikeryda]

I personally don't think it's rude at all. It's a lot better than just sending people random dares or requests.

[MarvHarvey]

You might want to participate in some of the same threads first.
You might want to see some specific non-dom/sub issues you have in common.
You might want to strike up an exchange about something else first, just to find out how you interact.

All in all I find it is odd when someone I don't know at all at all sends a PM asking about being dom/sub with me.

There are a lot of blogs on this subject. IceMaiden, Butterfly, and especially Cassandra, who reports some specific approaches made by strangers.

[FlexingPete]

I don't think it's rude at all.

[InnoTheFox]

I'd say it depends on who it is and how you approach it. The are plenty of members here who would love the attention; though several more popular dommes get these messages daily. I'd say before you message someone, consider not only what you're looking for to see if you'd match, but them as well.

[MeisterRebus]

If you approach any master in a decent and polite way you should never go wrong. You may get a "no, thank you" as answer, but we are all here to communicate (and sometimes people seem to forget that unfortunately). I always answer messages either here or on kik because i think it's a matter of respect. And although I am straight and not interested in male subs I answer each and every message also from male slaves. We all share the same kinks here, so go ahead and contact members. That's why we are here.

[Sasahara]

I'd think if you write a complete message, introducing yourself, saying what you appreciated about them and think you'd enjoy about playing with them, and saying that if they are interested you'd love to talk more and see if something might work that would probably be well received. My guess is that the people who are bombarded by these requests get one line, text-speak messages asking for them to be the dom/me to the sender.

If their signature or profile says "don't ask to be my sub" then I wouldn't ask them though .

[smf0]

Nah.. I wouldn't think it rude. It shows interest and if I don't want it, I still can decide to just not reply.

[RiskyFlame]

To NoLimitz:
The fact that you are doubtful about whether sending a PM to someone without an M/s advertisement is rude makes me believe that you are considerative and someone who takes a genuine interest in another user. So I think the best thing to do is to have that user (to whom you write your PM) realise that you are genuine and not someone who's looking for a quick jack-off.

[kurious kat]

I think it's fine to reach out to someone and express admiration for the qualities you see in them. When a compliment is personal or thoughtful, it might or might not go anywhere, but most can appreciate their work being noticed.

I only find PMs rude when:

1. The person sending the PM asks for something that neither the recipient's profile, signature, nor posts suggest they're likely to be interested in.
2. The sender has sent a similar message to that person in the past, but ignores or forgets that they've already declined.

[Butterfly]

I also think it is ok to pm somebody who you think might be a good match, even if they do not say that they are looking. However, I do have some tips:

1. Check out their profile. Specifically check to see if they have a sub/dom currently, because this may cause problems.
2. When approaching them, make sure to use proper grammar and spelling. Write a complete response. Make sure to introduce yourself and explain why you are messaging them. Make sure to set it apart from a common spam message.
3. Do not be demanding or ask them for a favor right away, or ask if they want to be your sub or Dom. Start by asking them if they would like to get to know each other, or have a conversation.
4. Do not have any expectations. If you are turned down, do not get defensive, but instead thank them for their time and move on.

I have found that most people are willing to meet new people and are open to having a conversation. I see people getting defensive or putting up walls when they are approached by somebody who is demanding, rude or asking for things (ie. I need permission to cum from x amount of people) within their first message.

Being polite may not be a fool proof way to get a response, but it definetly puts you at more of an advantage.