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Old 05-09-2011, 12:33 PM   #1
VarsityLAXSoCal
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Male A Night To Remember (based on a true story)

Hi everyone! This is my first TorD story on here so bear with me if I make any mistakes. This story is based on a real life experience. So let me introduce the characters(and as a sidenote, please critique me if needed! I appreciate criticism)
Character 1: Dylan
Hair: Brown, almost black, long skater hair (like Beiber)
Build:Slight 6pack, very athletic
Age: 15
Character 2 :Ryan
Hair:Blonde, Long hair ( however it is spiked in the front)
Build: Skinny, no 6pack but somewhat athletic
Age: 14, almost 15

Prologue- Dylans parents are away for the weekend, and Dylan is staying only Friday night with Ryan. Dylan is on the Varsity Lacrosse team, being the only freshman on Varsity. Both boys have no idea that this will be...A Night To Remember.




“Here he is!” said Ryan’s mom as she opened the door and gave Dylan a hug. Dylan set his bags down on the wood floor as Ryan emerged from the upstairs gameroom.
“ Its about time you showed up bro” said Ryan. “I was bored as hell.” Ryans mom waved Dylans mom off as she closed the door behind her. As usual the boys ran upstairs to enjoy their afternoon gaming. “Shit” shouted Ryan as he died after being on a long killstreak in Black Ops. “Looks like im gonna win now sucka” said Dylan with a smile.
As the clock struck 3pm, Ryan popped the question, “Wanna go swimming?” Dylan hesitated for a minute because he forgot a bathing suit. “Uh..I don’t have a suit dude.” He mumbled. “Relax, you can borrow one of mine” Ryan said cheerfully. Both of the boys were about the same height so there was nothing to worry about.
So, both of the boys happily jumped into the warm swimming pool and did laps around the pool. However, Ryan (being the more non-athletic one) just kept doing cannonballs into the pool.
“Boys!!!” called Ryans mom. “Almost time for dinner!” Ryan and Dylan both got out of the pool and began to dry off. “Ha, dude , we were in the pool so damn long my balls are like in my chest” said Ryan with a laugh. “Yea same here” Dylan laughed back.
Both of them went upstairs to retrieve their clothes to put on once again. “Ah crap” said Dylan “Someone’s in the bathroom” “Its only my brother” said Ryan. “Just change in here” said Ryan as he shut and locked the door.
Ryan began to pull down his bathing suit exposing his green plaid boxers and a slight bulge. Dylan resisted the urge to look, but for some reason, felt himself getting a slight hardon. Dylan removed his bathing suit and exposed his grey-striped American Eagle boxers. Ryan looked, but got a full hardon which he did his best to hide.
Both boys finished dinner and retreated upstairs once again to play Black Ops. Dylan still asked himself “Why did I get hard?” As the clock struck ten, Ryans mom emerged from downstairs and told the boys that Ryans brother, Carter, was asleep and to keep it down. As Ryan shut off the Xbox, he asked Dylan “Want to play a game? Im bored” “Sure” said Dylan with optimism. “What should we play?” “How about truth or dare?” exclaimed Ryan. “Ehhh…I dunno” said Dylan apprehensively. “Aw C’mon” said Ryan. “Alright, whatever” said Dylan. And both the boys went into Ryans room and Ryan locked the door quietly so he wouldn’t wake his brother.

Part 2 coming later...

Last edited by VarsityLAXSoCal; 05-09-2011 at 12:36 PM.
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Old 05-09-2011, 01:18 PM   #2
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Algight, you've got a good start with a classic setup that's been done on here many times. Two guys, two boners, and soon a game of TorD. Please try and make it original! I like that you give a lot of description and i can tell you can be a very good author but you've gotta make it different from all of the other stories on here. Also, paragraphs would be nice :P
I am interested to see where it goes.
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Old 05-09-2011, 05:51 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gotdared View Post
Algight, you've got a good start with a classic setup that's been done on here many times. Two guys, two boners, and soon a game of TorD. Please try and make it original! I like that you give a lot of description and i can tell you can be a very good author but you've gotta make it different from all of the other stories on here. Also, paragraphs would be nice :P
I am interested to see where it goes.
Thanks man, i appreciate it. I'll try harder =] lol
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Old 05-09-2011, 06:00 PM   #4
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Congratulations on first part of story, looking forward to reading more

Paragraph line spacing would make easier to read, but the writing talent definatly shows.

Writing style is a lot better than most 15 year olds

It was a decent length first part, keep this up.

Have you thought about where the story will go (what the outcome will be) if can vary this believe will attract even more views.

Also could try a bit of colour, but thats only preference.

Hope you continue to write more

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x x x x x
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Old 05-09-2011, 07:16 PM   #5
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Good start. I like the characters, and I want to read more of this!!!!!
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Old 05-10-2011, 12:59 PM   #6
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Okay, so here's Part 2, I put it in a separated format like i was advised to. So like i stated above i encourage criticism (if its needed =]) Let me introduce the new character

Carter(Ryans brother)
Age:13
Build: Skinny, but athletic, slight muscles on his chest
Hair: Long, black, surfer hair




Part 2
“So Dylan…Truth or Dare?” Ryan whispered

“Um…dare I guess” said Dylan cautiously

“Okay, I dare you to go make a sandwich with my Moms toothbrush”

“What the hell kinda dare is that Ryan?” Whispered Dylan(very loudly)

“A dare you have to do, or else” Ryan said with a slight chuckle.

“Whatever” said Dylan as he walked out the door.
Dylan had no choice but to comply. “What would he do if I said no?” he thought. He slowly walked downstairs to retrieve some sandwich bread when he encountered something strange.

“What the Fu…” said a voice on the living room sofa.

“Who’s there?” said Dylan quietly

To his surprise, Ryans brother Carter emerged from behind the sofa.

“What the fuck are you doing up at 1 in the morning?” said Dylan, still trying to be quiet.

“Im fucking hungry, now scram” said Carter

“Dude, I’ll kick your ass” said Dylan as he grabbed a sandwich roll and an assortment of condiments and walked away.

As Dylan walked upstairs, Carter couldn’t help but wonder why Dylan would walk down here, grab a roll and sauces, and walk back upstairs. Carter
shrugged it off and reopened his laptop and resumed masturbating.

Dylan trudged up the stairs, replaying what had just happened down there. He peered back down the stairs as he rounded the corner and couldn’t help but notice a faint light from the same room he left. He slowly looked around the corner of the wall parallel to him. And noticed it was the light from a laptop sitting on Carters thighs.

“What the hell” Dylan whispered to himself, hoping not to be heard.

He attempted to get a closer look, though his eyes were still adjusting to the darkness of the night. He noticed the laptop was rapidly shaking about. He hid behind one of the countertops in the kitchen and observed for a moment. Dylan knew right away what Carter was doing because he noticed a naked woman on the computer screen.

“He’s only 13 years old…damn…” Whispered Dylan.

Dylan slowly tiptoed upstairs again avoiding being spotted by Carter.

“What took you so long?” queried Ryan.

“You’re not gonna believe what I just saw” said Dylan.
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Old 05-10-2011, 01:02 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachie View Post
Paragraph line spacing would make easier to read, but the writing talent definatly shows.
Thank you for taking comment on Line spacing on board -- a lot easier to read

And a brilliant part

Love Rachie
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Old 05-10-2011, 06:05 PM   #8
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Wow. Great new chapter! Agreed w/ line spacing issues...much better now.
I really like it, keep it up man!
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Old 05-11-2011, 01:54 PM   #9
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Great story so far! Can't wait to see where this goes!
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Old 05-11-2011, 02:14 PM   #10
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Okayyyy. Here's part 3. And im assuming most of you(and you lurkers too =]) know where this is going........
So here's part 3. Part 4 will certainly have a seriously awesome plot-line.
Cheers



Part 3

“What did you see?” asked Ryan

“Dude, I cant even describe it, it was just nasty” said Dylan with a disgusted look on his face

“Well just fucking tell me already” said Ryan anxiously.

“Bro, I saw your brother jacking off.”

“Seriously?” teased Ryan with a snarky laugh

“Yea dude, he was sitting there with porn, just going at it” said Dylan

“Well, I hate to tell you dude, but that’s nothing new to me” laughed Ryan once again

“Whaddaya mean?” questioned Dylan.

“Dude he jacks off every damn day, I caught him once” said Ryan more seriously.

“But dude, hes only 13-fucking-years old.” Said Dylan

“So?” Ryan interrogated. “I started when I was 12.”

“Really?” asked Dylan. “I started just a couple months ago” he sighed.

“So…” Ryan intervened. “How about some more Truth or Dare?”

While all of this was going on, Carter ceased his masturbation “activities” and decided to follow Dylan upstairs and investigate what was happening. He crawled slowly up the stairs and saw the light coming from under the door. Carter pressed his ear up to the door and only heard this

“I saw your brother jacking off”

“Shit…” whispered Carter.

Carter got up and began walking to his room to finish his “job” until he was interrupted.

“What are you doing out here?” Ryan whispered, turning the light on.

“I was going to bed.” Replied Carter quickly.

“Oh really?” Ryan questioned, noticing the bulge popping through Carters basketball shorts.

“Yea, now let me go.” Pleaded Carter

“Oh no no no” laughed Ryan. “Come play a game with Me and Dylan.”

“What game?” Carter asked, intrigued.

“We’re playing Truth or Dare.” Said Ryan

“Ooook…” Carter sneered. “I’ll play I guess.”

Ryan and Carter walked into Ryans bedroom and closed the door behind them. Dylan was busy making his “toothbrush sandwich” spreading who-knows-what on the sandwich with the grotesque toothbrush. As Dylan took a bite, Ryan and Carter looked at each other and made the same grossed out face.

“BLEH!” Dylan spit, tossing the sandwich in the trash.

“Okay, is Carter playing?” coughed Dylan.

“Yep!” said Ryan and Carter in unison.

“Okay Ryan, Truth or Dare?” questioned Dylan

“Dare me up” laughed Ryan

“What could I do that was just as disgusting as he made me do?” Dylan thought

“Okay, I dare you to um…put on a pair of Carters underwear and wear it the rest of the game.” Said Dylan with a smile.

“Fuck no!” shouted Carter.

“Wait wait wait” laughed Dylan. “You have to put on the ones Carter is wearing now!” teased Dylan

“Are you frickin’ serious?” said Ryan.

“You have to do it, or else you don’t win the prize.” Beckoned Dylan.

“Ugh, fine…Carter, take ‘em off in the closet.” Sighed Ryan.

“I cant believe you dragged me into this” said Carter.
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Old 05-11-2011, 02:31 PM   #11
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Juicy awesome update!
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Old 05-11-2011, 05:04 PM   #12
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Nice update. Looking forward to reading more.
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Old 05-16-2011, 12:26 PM   #13
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Hey guys, sorry for the delay, school work and finals got in the way. So heres part 4 (with a little more juice,lol) part 5 should be here tomorrow!
Cheers!


Part 4
Carter walked out of the closet and sat down with a huff as he handed his grey boxer-briefs to Ryan. Ryan got up and walked into the closet, after a few curses under his breath, he came out, walking a little more unusually.

“This…is…fucking…terrible” sighed Ryan

“Okay, my turn now?” asked Carter.

“Yessir.” Dylan said with an excited tone.

“Alright, so, Dylan, truth or dare?” questioned Carter

Hoping to avoid revenge, Dylan said”Truth”

“You’re such a pussy” scoffed Carter.

“Okay Dylan, why were you downstairs earlier?” interrogated Carter

“I was getting some condiments for Ryans dare he gave me.” He replied.

A few minutes went by in silence as ESPN was broadcasting in the background. Until a knock on the door startled the 3 boys. Ryan opened the door to see his mother, half awake.

“Hey boys, is Dylan in here?” his mother slurred

“Whats the matter Miss A?” Dylan piped up.
“I just got call from your parents, they said you’re gonna have to stay here another night, their flight was cancelled.”

“So I got another night?” Dylan asked hopefully.

“Yes dear.” Said Ryans mom in a daze.

Ryan closed the door behind him and he and Dylan both smiled at eachother
as Carter sat there, fidgeting with his basketball shorts, trying to fix his penis. Going commando was something he was NOT used to.

“Okay, truth or dare Carter?” Dylan broke the silence.

“Truth” huffed Carter, still fixing his shorts.

“Why were you jacking off downstairs?” Dylan asked with agility.

“Wha…?” replied Carter dumbfounded.

“I saw you down there” laughed Dylan.

As all of this was happening, Ryan sat there and realized his boner was
beginning to get to a semi. He wondered why he got this, thinking about his brother? Strange….

Carter finally had enough, he tackled Dylan onto the bed and began to swear in his face.

“Why were you looking at my dick?” Carter yelled.

“I wasn’t!” choked Dylan.

“Yes you were you faggot!”

“Stop!” Ryan began to pull Carter off of Dylan when suddenly, Carters shorts fell off.

And time almost slowed down for Dylan as he saw Carters penis, dangling above him as Ryan threw the shorts in the corner of the room.

“Shit!” Carter sweared as he covered his penis and ran out of the room.

“What the hell was that about?” Dylan gasped.

“I dunno.” Replied Ryan. “They just ripped”

“Well, it wasn’t the biggest thing I’ve ever seen.” Laughed Dylan.

“Haha, truth or dare” asked Ryan

“Truth” said Dylan.

“Did you look at my brothers cock?”

“Yea I had no choice?”

“No, I mean LOOKED like, really saw it.” Ryan asked.

“Maybe a little, but, I’m not like gay or anything” Dylan responded.

“Well, Im bi-curious.” Ryan confessed.

“You are?” Dylan asked with a grin.

“Yea, why are you smiling?” Ryan asked

“Because im bi-curious too!” Dylan smiled.

The two boys hugged eachother, then laughed as they backed away quickly.

“How about we hit the hay.” Ryan suggested.

“Sure” Dylan agreed.

Both boys climbed into their sleeping bags, smiling, and were excited for the day to come.

To be continued...
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Old 05-17-2011, 03:58 PM   #14
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Thumbs up Great Start!

Hey my name is Tyler. So first of all this is a great first story!! I like your format and your idea but as Rachie said--try to make it more original. It might help to read a few other MxM stories so you can figure something new out. Also don't feel pressured to go at a fast pace-keep it nice and slow but your are truly doing great and as always, good luck. I cant wait for more!

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