I think you should put on your tights and empty the bottles of ketchup, mustard and mayonaise down the front and back of them.
then to add some texture open and pour down the front and back two cans of peas.
then go out into your backyard and lay down and roll around smooshing it all together.
after that, reach in the back and stick a finger in your ass (maybe pushing some of the mess in as well) and do the same in the front but you have to edge like that three times.
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