I wouldn't really say that deep heat is 'messy' it's really quite painful. It might be a good investment to buy some and check it out if you haven't already. It's only around $10 aus for a tube I think. Just get it at your local chemist.
As for your wedgie, leg holes of your briefs over the shoulders with two ice cubes up your ass. (if you want to extend this one, perhaps buy deep heat and apply it to a small patch of your balls, not messy, but still painful)
No messy please.
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