I was cornered at 6 yo by some me junior high kids who pulled a knife and tried to get me to pull my pants down because they were going to cut off my dick. I was terrified, and then, fortunately, just as they were about to be pulled down, my sister showed up and they ran off.
Probably the start of a lot of stuff with me.
Though, before that, even, I had dreams about being barefoot in a pool and touching people with my feet and feeling funny as long back as I remember. (3 yo or so). I also learned, now looking back, that I probably had sensory processing issues. Going barefoot when I was young was intense and being barefoot on grass felt odd...icky...especially wet grass.
I was barefoot in a play at ten and felt like I was all but naked on the stage. Again it made me feel weird, but I didnt understand it.
I have learned that I am very sensual and I have also sought out situations that replay the trauma and, occasionally, have worked with others who desire to have their traumas replayed.
All these feelings, even today, seem very primal, beyond normal feelings and emotions. I love pushing the edge and still seek a great master that will really push me and a sub who I enjoy exploring and that is open to the humiliation I want to impose.
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