[pet monkey]

Since this is a joint AMA we answered all your questions as referencing the other person

Originally Posted by marquis_de_sade

Which song comes to your mind and heart, while you think of Spuds?

M: Well, my heart doesn't have any vocal cords ... just kidding ... while there is not a specific song that leaps out at me, I do like some of the songs she has

introduced me to.. like R U Mine by Arctic Monkeys... or sometimes like loud orchestral movements because the thought of her just fills me up.

D: Such Great Heights by Iron and Wine .. also when I'm specifically thinking about him there is not really a lot more room in my head for songs, there's just room for

him.

When exactly did you fall in love with Spuds ?

M: In the 'before' time I was not in love with her.. now I am and it happened sometime in the last month

D: Sometime about a week in, I teased that he would fall in love me, and even though I was teasing, the fact was that I was already very enamored with him!

What are the things that remind you of Spuds ?

M: Bunnies, my cane, Dr Who (she's such a fangirl of David Tennant), muffins, and, um... everything

D: Rain, anything by Joss Whedon (he's such a fanboy), movies that look interesting because I want to watch them with him, chocolate, when I bake things, and when I

see BDSM gear I can use on him *evil cackle*

What are your feelings about your first kiss?

M: Well, it hasn't happened yet, but I expect it to be very public since it will probably be in an airport.

D: My thoughts will probably run something like "I'm going to maul him!"

What is the sexiest thing about Spuds ?

M: I haven't been able to see a lot of her, but honestly I wouldn't pick anything physical anyways, I LUVS her singing voice SO MUCH! And I love how I can hear the

smile in her voice when we're talking, and I love the way she likes to watch me sleep! OH, and when she sends me kik messages during the day just to torment me (i.e.

no chair priviledges for x minutes, etc..)

D: When I do something so blandly mundane no one would notice it, but it turns him on so much.

Whats a Nick name Spuds has for you

M: I'm her monkey

D: Sweety

What would be your dream date?

M: First, I think I would love to be able to take her somewhere just silly and mundane for lunch/dinner (like McDonald's) so forever after we could look at that place

and say that's OUR McDonald's, and when we were feeling nostalgic we could always just scrape up a couple of dollars and go to 'our place'... and then we'd go

back to my place, snuggle on the couch and watch Buffy!

D: It would be a perfect autumn night, we'd be sitting out in the backyard with picnic-y food I made, watching Netflix on a laptop (or tablet) and just staying out all

night until it was time to go inside.

Where would you like to go for your honeymoon?

M: WHOA! Dude! Really.. honeymoon? Are you using the magic 8-ball to write these questions?

D: I think you skipped a step.

Which is the one flaw in Spuds that you hate the most?

M: She has flaws? Ok.. Ok.. if I HAD to choose one... the biggest flaw she has is that she's SO DAMN FAR AWAY FROM ME!

D: Not a flaw I hate per se, but when he is feeling down he starts to have feelings that he is not good enough or that I will leave and I get to give him reassurance

for that (which I enjoy doing anyways)

What are your romance fantasies?

M: <See 'first date' question> But seriously, to do my best to make the mundane and common special for her!

D: Falling asleep on him on a train (loong train ride)

What kind of lingerie do you like?

M: Don't care, it's just going to be laying on the floor

D: On him or on me? On myself I really like corsets, thigh high socks, or a baby doll chemise.

Describe your idea of a perfect night together.

M: Netflix, cuddling, food

D: Doesn't matter, had sex

Do you feel comfortable in initiating sex?

M: Initially, I told her that the 'first' time between us will be totally at her ease. I won't hint, ask, beg, intimate, or in any way make her feel pressured into

anything. After we break that paradigm though, it's so on!

D: I am not uncomfortable in initiating sex, but I do have body issues so getting naked might be an issue initially.

If you have to be in a long distance relationship, are you willing to fight it out?

M: We are and we are

D: What he said

How many kids would you like to have?

M: For what? Dinner, how many would fill a small crock pot?

D: Zero

By what time would you want Spuds to be back from work?

M: Well, first, I wouldn't want her to leave!

D: Ideally, I wouldn't want him to have to work at all, because I would be independently wealthy and we would have no money problems.

Do you believe that Spuds is your soulmate?

M: GAH! That phrase! It is NOT the best thing that I have heard! So.. I don't believe in the theory of One person for everyone or Soulmates

. However, I do believe that two people can be so compatible and fit together so well that they could seem to be made for each other, but that does not mean

that one of those people could not fit just as well with someone else. That being said, I believe we are such a couple.

D: What he said

How do you want your wedding to be?

M: Uh...

D: Why is this AFTER the honeymoon question?

If She dosen't express it to you, how do you know that Spuds wants to have sex?

M: Um...

D: I think it's safe to assume that he will want to have sex.. unless for some reason his penis is broken.

What is your idea of being happily married?

M: When you wake up one morning and realize you have been married for the past 5 years and are still just as much in love with your partner as the day you said 'I do'.

That being said, I have travelled that road once and am not in a hurry to trod upon it again.

D: Not being married in the first place

Do you like me as a friend?

M: Well, since you won't let me into your pants...

D: We haven't chatted enough for me to have formed an opinion yet...

Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child?

M: When there's trouble you call DW! Darkwing Duck! Let's get dangerous!

D: Kimmy from Rugrats and Susie too

What would be that one superpower you'd want to have?

M: Teleportation

D: Shape-shifting

What is the dumbest question you've been asked ever?

M: 'Do you want to cum now?'

D: Random guy: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Yes
RG: Yeah... but do you have sex with him, do I still have a chance?

(BTW: Good to know Monkey, I'll just choose for you next time, and the answer is 'No')

What is the wildest thing you've ever done?

M: Uh.. Drove about 4 hrs naked

D: Broke into someone's house

What's your favorite cuss word?

M: Uh... I'm not allowed to cuss

D: Fuck

Have you ever broken a bone?

M: I have not

D: Nor have I

What are things you like to do alone?

M: At one time I would have said 'reading' but lately I've been reading to Duchess and really enjoy it.

D: Go to the movie theater, lounge around, watch anime, write

What makes you laugh the hardest?

M: Her responses to my 'stupid dad jokes'

D: When someone has already done something that made me laugh and they are telling me to 'calm down' it just makes me laugh harder

What is your wildest fantasy till date?

M: To be able to remotely correct all the spelling/grammar errors on the internet!

D: Riding on the Tardis with 9 and 10

Which hollywood actor would you want to date?

M: Anne Hathaway

D: Zach Galifianakis

If you had a billion us dollars, what would you do with it?

M: Without going into too much detail I would make sure both of our families were healthy and happy and not have to worry about bills for a long time (if ever)

D: Again... going with what he said

How would you want to take revenge with your boss?

M: Well, that would assume there were a reason for me to take revenge, which there isn't so your question is moot, good sir!

D: I don't have a boss

What was the scariest movie you have ever watched?

M: Probably Candyman

D: Insidious 1 and 2 are scarily bad

Do you pick your nose and rub it on the couch when no one is looking?

M: Ew, no

D: No

Can you see dead people?

M: Only in reruns

D: No

Which was the most embarrassing moment of your life?

M: Being caught wearing my collar by my sister probably

D: My dad at my brother's funeral

What's the cheesiest compliment that you have ever received, be it by a girl or a guy?

M: I can't think of any

D: The random guy from above (from Nigeria) said: "You remind me of the women from my home country"

Have you ever developed feelings for a girl?

M: Uh... uh... well, I guess since you just outted me I can come out of the closet finally...

D: No, I have not, the feelings I had were already in existence.

Did you ever have a crush on any of your male teachers?

M: OMG Dude! Stop outting me!

D: No, not really

Would you like to take a stroll or join a sport activity while on beach?

M: I would like to take a stroll

D: Nope

What would be that one thing you wouldn't be caught dead doing?

M: Being unfaithful

D: Being racist/offensive

Can you fake any accent?

M: I do a pretty good Boomhauer

D: Nope

Describe whats in your handbag

M: You mean my 'murse'?

D: I too manly to own a handbag!

Have you ever dressed like a bimbo?

M: No

D: No

What is intimacy for you?

M: Closeness

D: Seeing each other on the toilet

According to you, what makes for a perfect man?

M: Uh.. perfection?

D: There is no such thing

If you had a chance to mend an ex relationship, or to change its course, would you take it?

M: No, I don't think I would

D: Nope, I already have a monkey I like

What is your saddest memory?

M: Too sad, don't wanna talk about it

D: Without going into too much detail, it was when my dad came home and beat up my brother

What is the most important thing taught to you by your family?

M: How to read

D: Blood relation does not necessarily a family make.

What is your biggest fear?

M: Waking up without my uh... little monkey

D: Being misunderstood in a negative way

What turns you off the most?

M: Insincerity

D: Ignorance

Do you pray, what do you pray for?

M: Not anymore

D: No

How many kids would you like to have?

M: I already have 2.. I'm done

D: None, I am going to replace my uterus with a toaster.

What does a good relationship look like?

M: Punch and Pie

D: I'm sure I've answered this before so...

What was the most frightening moment of your life?

M: I can not think of anything right now

D: The time some random fucker came banging on my door begging me to let him in.

Have you ever cheated? If yes, how?

M: Yes... on a test in school

D: No

Have you ever taken any antidepressants or anxiety medication?

M: Yes

D: Yup

Are you angry with the amount of questions I've asked

M: And they aren't even over yet?

D: <SARCASM>There were a lot of questions? I haven't really noticed!</SARCASM>

Which is the song that makes you cry?

M: Call Me Maybe.. it's just SO DAMN BAD!!! I CRY FOR THE HUMAN RACE EVERYTIME I HEAR IT!

D: Better Son or Daughter by Rilo Kiley

Do you give out second chances too easily?

M: Maybe.. but no third

D: For people I care about

How would you feel if Spuds told you She still have feelings for Her ex?

M: Depends on what it would have to do with me.. if it were like "Yeah, I still have feelings, but it would not affect us" .. no problem

D: That he is an extreme glutton for punishment, and then I'd think it makes sense, they were together for 10 years.

Do you regret any of your decisions? What are they?

M: Starting this list of questions? J/K

D: I have none, each decision brought me to where I am now.

Which advise do you think was the best that you have received?

M: Don't know if it qualifies as advice or a life lesson but "Everything that has or ever will happen to you is a direct result of a decision you have made"

D: Instead of buying clumping cat litter, just buy non-clumping and pour a small amount into a small pan and instead of having to scoop anything, just toss it all

everytime the cat poops.

Do you have a picture about the dream home in your mind?

M: No

D: No

Who would be that one celebrity you'd want to switch life with?

M: No one

D: Nobodies

Would you want to spend your New Year's eve partying with friends in a club, or a romantic dinner with Spuds ?

M: No brainer.. dinner with iSpuds

D: Dinner with my monkey!

Which is that one thing you're immensely passionate about?

M: Spaghetti

D: I don't have a 'thing' I am equal apathetic toward every aspect of life (except monkey)

Do you think you could live the white picket fence life?

M: Possibly

D: I reckon picket fences have it hard *rimshot*

Do you believe in God?

M: I believe in a 'higher intelligence' but for all I know that could just be an alien race of superior intelligence

D: NO

Do you prefer an exotic meal in five-star hotels or a supremely delicious cheese-cake from a bakery nearby?

M: CHEESE CAKE!!

D: CHEESE CAKE!!

What are the 3 things that make you go weak in your knees?

M:
1) Duchess
2) Duchess
3) Duchess
D:
1) A Baseball bat to the kneecaps
2) Anemia
3) The thought of monkey nibbling or sucking on my neck

Do you like to dance?

M: Not without alcohol

D: YES

What is your favorite TV show?

M: BUFFY!!!!!

D: Sherlock

How were your school days? Is there any particular funny incident that you remember vividly?

M: My school days were over long ago... and the memories are buried in a big pit

D: Nope

What do you like to do in your leisure time?

M: Netflix binge

D: what he said

What are the languages in which you can speak fluently?

M: English

D: None

What is your favorite sport?

M: Ice Hockey (to watch), tonsil hockey (to play)

D: Professional couch potatoing

Is there a thing you'd want to keep doing for the rest of your life?

M: <SARCASM> Oh, definitely answering these questions</SARCASM>

D: Breathing

Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?

M: I am Team Guy-who-almost-ran-over Edward

D: Doesn't matter, I will sit on the bench

What are you excessively obsessive-compulsive about?

M: Nothing

D: Spelling: I've already counted at least 10 spelling errors in this list without even looking.

What can totally impress you?

M: Intelligence

D: A meat tenderizer!!!

If your life was a book, what would you name it?

M: The Old Man in the Grumpy Hat

D: From the printing press to the incinerator, one book no one should ever read

Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

M: My eyes don't work that way, I can only see things behind me

D: From a time machine I suppose, because literal

Who is your inspiration for life?

M: Alfred McGillicutty

D: Hannah Montana

Do you booze? How often?

M: V-E-R-Y RARELY

D: NO

If there is one thing that makes you smile instantly, what is it?

M: A Message from Duchess

D: Casting spells on Monkey

Are you addicted to Facebook?

M: Does that still exist?

D: No. not in the least

Do you like chick flicks or action flicks?

M: Action

D: Depends on the 'flick'. Also, why are the mutually exclusive, why can't one like both.

What do you like about yourself the most?

M: My ability to creatively sidetrack a question and not really answer it even though it looks like I really am.

D: I own a Monkey

Which is your dream car?

M: Not sure of the make/model.. but I dreamt about it last night and it could fly

D: Big, long, has a lot of seats in it and I don't have to drive it

What kind of music do you like the most?

M: The kind that comes in through my ear holes

D: The kind with instruments and vocals

Are you scared of dark?

M: Are you scared of the word 'the'?

D: Dark what?

What is your idea of a perfect evening?

M: *Looks up at previous questions* .. I could swear we've seen this one before

D: Didn't we already answer this one?

How many questons was that?

M: A lot

D: Fuck you

Are you mad at the number now?

M: It's closer to the end

D: Fuck you

If there was a GD party in Greenland, where everyone on gd was invited would you go?

M: are travel/accomodations included?

D: No, I don't like Greenland

Whats your top kink?

M: Top Hats

D: Dwarven Clown Sex

What's your favorite video game?

M: Final Fantasy VII

D: Chrono Trigger

Do I get a reward?

M: For what?

D: Yeah, me not hurting you
_________________