This is quite well written, though I will admit that the first sentence is confusing me even after the changes. It seems to start in first person "As
I waved my parents good bye..." -then alternate between first and third- "
Allen was dropped off at the camp..." "As
He walked towards the main doors,
I couldn’t help feel that something was off..." then settle into a comfortable and well written first person afterwards.
Should you not replace the "Allen" and "He" with "I"? Unless I'm misinterpreting it, of course.
But other than that, after I was done trying to figure out what you were saying in the introduction, I really enjoyed this chapter. I don't really think the plot holes that Memories for life pointed out were anything to worry about, I didn't feel that they were noticeable at all or detracted from the story in any way. In my opinion, many Getdare stories need to be read with at least a little suspension of disbelief.
And I would like to second the option of a diaper and/or permanent marker.
