[vafancoulo13]

Originally Posted by Memories for Life

This story isn't fiction, it's inconceivable fantasy!

"Fiction" is a story based on real world activity using imaginary characters.

"Fantasy" is a story based on imaginary actions occurring in the real world.

The first sentences confused the hell out of me. "As he waved his parents good bye, I knew that this was going to be an awesome camp. I had to beg his parents to go, but after a quick sign here, an envelope, a stamp, and letter of acceptance I was in."

The rest of the first paragraph didn't clear my mind at all. "The camp looked amazing. This place had everything. A well stocked kitchen, clean sleeping areas with T.V., and a DVD player, and staff that was rumored to be lenient about the rules." Either the main character looked over the entire camp BEFORE checking in or Allen would be looking at a brochure or website which described these amenities. Either way, it would be impossible to not know this was a "Girl's Only" camp! If the story was meant to be a "fantasy" of a male intentionally falsifying an application to attend this gender specific camp, the story could be reasonably believable.

As this fantastical story continues, the absence of any administrative authority at the camp indicates Laura runs the entire facility! Even if she accepts the male camper to stay, its impossible to conceive he would be berthed with any females. A dinner of "pizza and milkshakes" furthers the fantastical nature of this story.

"What would you like to her to be holding?"

In keeping with the "fantasy" theme of this story, I'd like Chloe to be holding a set of "invisible" clothes!

Your "helpful criticisms" are delivered in a most awful way. Please try to be nicer. I personally enjoy this story very much. I get it if you don't, but writing multiple paragraphs bombarding the writer seems like overkill.