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Old 01-17-2011, 09:07 AM   #7
MasterDavidGoodmen
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Find Societal conditioning, some thoughts...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anjelen View Post
Perhaps one of the biggest stumbling blocks for 'new' Dominants, is self-conciousness. Starting from scratch, particularly for the inexperienced is often a source of 'am i doing this right?' - not in the least because more often than not we go against the way we've been taught to behave 'socially'.
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And that's just the start of it. Especially beginning Dominants will have a little voice screaming at the back of their minds, telling them that they shouldn't be treating friends like that, that they look rediculous, that noone in their right minds will take them seriously - etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

As such, there's not only self-conciousness to overcome, but also guilt, embarassment, and a sense of 'this isn't right' - more often than not, in the case of new Dominants and more experienced Submissives, there's also the wonderment of how someone can truly enjoy being treated in this manner.
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This is a time of learning for the both of you - give each other time and space. Realisations and completely new kinds of logic will be found; if anything, BDSM is great for teaching one about other people as well as finding out new things about oneself.
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Good luck, have fun, and may your days be full of knowing grins, and your nights of lustful moans.

-- Nunc Intellego --

Anjelen's advice is excellent.

I went through "new Master syndrome," so I know how it feels.

1. I would be willing to do something to a man, but not a woman.
Because, "women are weaker than men." True, but irrelevant. Women have a significantly higher pain tolerance than men. This means some men (I mention no names!) are wimpy at pain!
This is societal conditioning.

2. I want to <do something Sadistic>, but no.
No one would want Me to do this to them (My OPINION---not fact!), so anyone who agrees to this is either a fake, or just agreeing with Me, to keep Me hangin' on.
No, they know what they can take. Someone can want more, more, more!, and mean it.

3. Telling other people what to do is wrong.
This is the belief that other people know what they want, better than I. Irrelevant.
You want Her to be in charge. That means She gives orders/direction/guidance, and you obey.

I had a long bad time, learning that there were, indeed, people wanting to be slave as much as I want to be Master. Again, self censorship: I would never be a slave, therefore no one else want to be one, for Me. This is called Projection: You project your views onto someone else.
She won't be submissive, therefore She is having difficulty understanding you are submissive.

I suggest a book, Ask the Man Who Owns him, by david stein and David Schachter. http://tbrough.livejournal.com/24235.html
This book has examples of "This slave gives itself to You" letters in it. The couples are gays, but the desire is the same.
Master Mark was not a Master, so He had to learn. His story might inspire Her. Same situation, too: A long-term relationship He wanted to keep---so He changed!

Also, Manual Creation, by Machelle Kindle. This book has several things going for it. 1. It is close to what you want. 2. Ms Kindle is a female Dominant---this will help the GF. 3. It is in little bits. you and She can use the bits you like, and ignore the rest, maybe to use some of the other bits, in future. 4. Like the previous book, it is well written. This is important, to Me anyway!

One cannot stress too much, communication is essential!

Good luck, and let us know how it turns out, for you and Her!
__________________
Lives to be served!
Loves: Humor, Kneeling!, Occasional Sadism, and "Quality time"
Likes: Bondage, Leather,
Limits: Animals, Damage to anyone, Scat, Underage, Weapons
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