[interesting]

It's a little past 10:30 now. I'm sitting on the steps just outside the door, waiting for Miranda to come out of the establishment where I just had sex with two perfect strangers in the span of three hours. I had fun, I even had three great orgasms, but I feel empty. Not tired. I could go on all night, I think, but there's very little feeling in my heart right now. I can't really shake the impression that I'm lost somewhere I shouldn't be.

The odd truth is my mind keeps wandering to Sarah - specifically, how much she would have liked to be there. She would have enjoyed both girls and their apparent domineering attitudes. She would have loved to see me pound away at them. She might also have enjoyed the ministrations of Chuck.

What's changed? I'm suddenly filled with anger. Miranda exits the building by that time.

"Well," she tells me," that was a nice... are you all right?"
"I don't fucking know."

I look up at her as she sits besides me.

"You're really messed up," she tells me. "Maybe I shouldn't have invited you."

I lean in and kiss Miranda on the lips.

"Don't get me wrong," I tell Miranda. "I'm having fun. Tracie and Brianna were both quite beautiful and exciting. And you didn't seem to mind Chuck."
"Not at all," she replies, "but you... do seem off..."
"I am off. My girlfriend left me last Sunday - but maybe not forever. It's been a week of hell. Weirdest thing is, that Friday I left for the conference, I got two blowjobs. One from her and --"
"-- and one from me."
"Right. And then, that weekend, I had a lot of sex with my ex in Seattle. Coming back, I had sex with you in the morning and with Jennifer in the afternoon. Then, once again yesterday afternoon with Jennifer. And I already knew I was being invited to your thing - thank you, by the way - before I agreed to go to Jennifer's thing too."

Miranda looks at me quizzically. I keep talking.

"Did you know that, prior to a year ago, around Christmas, I had only ever slept with one woman, Kimmie, from Seattle?"
"The number has increased significantly, I gather," she replies.
"And how? Let me... recap, in order, if I can."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes," I insist.
"Ok."

Miranda doesn't seem convinced she wants to hear it, but somehow, airing it out may help me get over it. I hope it doesn't bother her too much.

"Sarah was first, at the New Year's party. A month and half later, right before Valentine's day, I had sex with Jennifer, and then we had threesomes - a few of them. We met these girls on the beach - one of whom was really into me - and we got invited to this big party at a photographer's house. Their names were... Kamara, Marlene, Susan and Claudia... had sex with all four and Sarah, at the same time."

I pause. Am I remembering it correctly? There were six girls in the party from Vegas. I slept with four? I didn't sleep with Susan, but what about Julie? It feels like a blur. I feel I should be accurate about it.

"I didn't want to penetrate Jennifer at first, but my resistance eventually wound down and I gave in. I don't fully remember the circumstances, but at some point, after everything, it didn't seem to matter. It was weird too because as much as Sarah wanted me to 'try out' other girls, I didn't want her to be with other guys."

Miranda is paying attention. Why is she, if she doesn't care about me? But I realize I'm judging her. She cares. She doesn't want to be in a full-time relationship with me, but she's a friend and a lover.

"Then, we had a party with Sarah's friends... I again managed to score all girls. I had Sarah, Prissy and Jennifer that night, and I was also given a blowjob by two lesbians."
"Ok," Miranda finally chimes in, "you want my history to compare?"
"No. If you want to... look, can I finish?"
"Do you have a lot more?"
"Just one more event, but it was a big one," I reply. "At the end of last summer, August, we hooked up with swinger friends. Swung with both wives and they also swung with each other..."
"I know what swingers are."
"Well, we also swung with a daughter-father combo..."
"What?" Miranda stares suddenly.
"Relax. They're not together in that way. They're just both into swinging, separately, and they're honest about it. Anyway, Sarah did it with him - an older man; and I had his daughter, Wendy. And then, we went to a swinger event where there were around twenty couples."
"I'm beginning to see a pattern of escalation," she tells me.
"There is one, right? I mean, I'm not exaggerating. That night, I had sex with Katarina while Sarah had her incident with Turko..."
"Incident? The guy she didn't want to be with?"
"Never mind that for now. Afterwards, Sarah got intimate with our host, Leonard - a 65 year-old man who is the nicest person you will ever meet - while I got it on with Fleurette, Lindsey and Wendy again."

I pause.

"Then there was you, and Kimmie in Seattle, and now Jennifer's back in my life."

I sigh. Miranda seems to feel awkward as she rubs her hand on my back.

"A lot of guys would kill for a life like that," she tells me.
"Funny how I'm not like a lot of guys. Don't get me wrong, Miranda, the sex is amazing. I come so hard and I have all these mental images that I can revisit constantly. But... that's not what I wanted out of my relationship with Sarah. Things escalated and I don't know how to go back."

She looks past me.

"Maybe you can't. Look at me... last February - I imagine that's the time you were courting both Jennifer and Sarah..."
"Yep," I concur.
"Well, I was in an abusive relationship. He was so controlling, I just had to get out. He practically raped me."
"Oh! I'm so sorry," I stare back, my problems suddenly feeling so insignificant.
"I mean, he was extremely forceful about it, and a few times, I wasn't really in the mood, but it was so hard to say no. It got to a point where he began insulting me, and then he hit me. Only once. I clocked him back. The next time he tried to force himself, I just walked out."
"Good for you," I tell her.
"I really did like him, and to be fair, when you invited me to have some fun last year, I really wasn't in any receptive mood."

She pauses again, staring at the street lights.

"I moved back in with my mom. That felt so shameful, and my mom wasn't supportive. She thought Gary - that's my ex - was really a nice guy. It took me a while to convince her he was a jerk. I had no bruises, so..."

What can I tell her? She continues.

"The point is, last summer, my first boyfriend from back home invited me over to a reunion party. I'm from Indianapolis, in case you didn't know. Well, we hooked up at that party. Thing is, I hooked up with him, with his best friend and with another school crush. That's when it hit me, how much fun I'd been denying myself. I did a crazy thing. Coming back here, I registered to an anonymous sex site."
"Sex site?"
"Yeah. In hindsight, it was stupid, but you just hook up with strangers for sex. I was curious. Still, that's where I met Curtis. He wasn't here tonight. After we fucked the first time, he told me about this place. I was curious again, so I came."

She smiles.

"That room we were in with Brianna and Chuck? That's where I got my first threesome. It was with Curtis and Lou. They took turns spit-roasting me."
"Spit roasting?..." I inquire.
"One in my mouth, one in my pussy. I loved it."

Again, she marks a silence, looking at me.

"Seeing you at the beginning of the semester reminded me of your past offer, and since I was now very receptive... well..."
"I guess we both profited from it."
"You're a great lover, and you seem like you would make an amazing boyfriend, Jim. It's Sarah's loss."

I smile at her. She leans and kisses me.

"I'm not ready to have a boyfriend yet - even a boyfriend as open-minded as you," she tells me. "But my pussy is yours to drill anytime you want. And my mouth is always ready to service you."

Those last comments resound of humor, but I know they're at least half-serious.

"Well, as long as my dick is unattached to anyone else," I reply, "it's yours to enjoy."

We both laugh. Somehow, talking about all this makes me feel better. That's what Sarah and myself weren't doing towards the end. Talking.

"What do you want to do?" she asks me.
"I made a promise to Jennifer. I'm not ready to stop anyway. I know Sarah's gonna be there - those two are joined at the hip. I do want to see Sarah. You don't have to come."
"Are you kidding?" she asks me. "A bondage club! Heck! I might end up on stage!"

We laugh again, getting up from the steps.

"Let's go then. Thank you Miranda."
"Don't thank me yet. We may be walking into a trap."
"That's true," I tell her. "Jennifer can be quite devious."
"I can't wait."

She actually hooks my arm and we dart off to our next destination.