[Rachie]

Congratulations on first part of story, looking forward to reading more

Paragraph line spacing would make easier to read, but the writing talent definatly shows.

Writing style is a lot better than most 15 year olds

It was a decent length first part, keep this up.

Have you thought about where the story will go (what the outcome will be) if can vary this believe will attract even more views.

Also could try a bit of colour, but thats only preference.

Hope you continue to write more

Love Rachie
x x x x x