Your rewrite is really good and an enjoyable read. However, please draft future chapters in MS-Word and only copy them into Getdare once all the errors Word identifies have been corrected. Not to be rude but your spelling and grammar become worse with each new paragraph. By about 2/3 the way through I have to sound out words to ascretain what you are trying to say. Your story is well done but the awful grammar and spelling make recognizing the story for its quality extremely difficult.
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