Lots to comment upon:
1) I noticed how you dealt with Hannah. (insert winking emoji here)
2) Day ten is approaching rapidly. I'm both sad that the end approacheth and happy that you're not going to drag this story out as far as you did the last one. I really enjoyed that one as lng as the game lasted, but what happened after was SO different from what came before that it threw me, and I really felt it went on too long. Not this one, though!
3) 'littlies' — I take it this is a Britishism. On this side of the pond we'll occasionally say 'littles', but even that's rare.
4) I appreciate you using the italic and normal fonts to differentiate Freya and Holly (good Scandanavian names!). This needs a bit of thinking before you use it in another story. There doesn't seem to be as much difference between italic and normal as many fonts have, and sometimes I'm a couple of paragraphs beyond a switch before I notice it. I considered suggesting either bold or underlined, but those are too different and might seem like yelling. It seems to be possible to use different font colors… or at least I've seen it in signatures on this site. Would it be possible to use say blue and green? It's obviously way too late to make a change for this story, but your use of dual narrators has worked out too well for you to never use it again.
5) This has turned out to be a really good story, especially considering that is has NO SEX WHATSOEVER!!!
|