It's worth remembering that kink is something you "add" to a relationship. Even if it's what the relationship is based on, there is still a relationship there. One of the important parts of bdsm (especially for lifestylers) is being able to admit straight up that they understand what they want sexually, and sexual compatibility is important -- but that's also metered by the understanding that sex is only part of a full and healthy relationship.
Ultimately for bedroom kinksters this isn't important, just something they like to mess around with. Finding somebody with the same kink tendencies takes a back seat to finding someone you're compatible with in other areas. Kink is just icing on top of that.
For lifestylers it's a little more important, even though most of us have had vanilla relationships also. There are serious complications added by any type of standing power exchange, those get in the way of both a sub expressing themselves, and the dom finding out more about their sub... and most of us aren't looking for an object of gratification (I really don't think even the TPE guys are into somebody who's basically meat for masturbation, but I'm not sure about a few of them).
It's important though that each side remember that kink is something extra to a relationship, and not that everything else is extra to kink. It's horribly annoying to find subs that don't understand this, and are spineless and without personality.
|