Thread: Fiction: Cousin T or D Game
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Old 05-15-2011, 11:13 AM   #24
Memories for Life
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Jacksonville, FL
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Let me start by saying that I like reading the story. The characters are well described and your narration lends believability to them as real people, by describing their emotions and thoughts on trying to outguess each other's "truth or dare" challenges.

If you are writing this out on a word processor it seems to be catching any possible spelling errors. The area that you're having some problems with is words being omitted from sentences with throw confusion into what your trying to tell. Another issue I observed was a few continuity breaks -- in Chapters 8 & 9, some of your characters got switched around, who was speaking at the time and what they were wearing.

Both of these issues can be solved if you take the opportunity to "proof" the chapter before you post it. That means read the previous chapter then the new chapter and try to visualize the characters to ensure you haven't switched the names.

I think this will be a great story to follow over time. Hopefully, this group of characters will continue their interaction during many future adventures beyond this encounter.
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