I'll try and break down the concept of 'rape fantasies' in this reply, rather than giving you a straight yes/no answer. You can decide that for yourself.
Context:
Here are some questions that you should ask yourself.
How are you meeting up? Where? When?
Do you have a rape fantasy?
Are you comfortable with the fact that you have one?
How close are you guys?
Is the chemistry good and balanced?
What is the mood when you guys are together?
Have either of you been in stress lately
What have you told him about you?
What past experiences has he had?
What are you guys trying to out of this experience?
Scenario:
What would you do in these scenarios? How good is your judgement in situations?
1. You and 'the guy' meets up at a coffee club for the first time. You met from a respectable dating site, one like oasisactive.com. You find his views a little intimidating, but he seems to be openly flirting with you, and comfortable with everything that's going on. The topic of 'rape fantasies' come up, and both of you show interest, but you haven't had a chance to get to know each other that well yet. After an hour or so of talking, you both agree to meet a few more times and leave the details of the rape scene up to him.
Probable Result: A negative experience, perhaps with one or both people hurt and/or upset.
2. A guy you met from an alternative lifestyle website, such as kinktalk.com is sitting across from you at a restaurant. Dessert is just about to be served and you guys have been talking throughout the whole evening. The chemistry is great and you share many values, and interests. You feel like yourself around him, and he seems to be confident around you. You feel like you trust him a little bit more every time he tells you something personal, or gives you a good answer when you tell him something about yourself. Most of all, he is not afraid to tell you the truth. He will tell you or show you that he finds you
strange or
doesn't agree with you. After a while, you decide to meet up a few more times, try a few short scenes, before re-discussing the idea again, adding a few absolute limits, and leaving the time/place/date up to him.
Probable result: A positive experience. You will have a few small 'disappointments' with the scene, but you are glad that it happened, and you feel that the connection between the two of you have strengthened as a result.
Distinguishing between Consensual and Non-Consensual Rape:
There is no absolute line when it comes to distinguishing between consensual and non-consensual rape. If the scene was negotiated a few months prior to the rape scene, would that be consensual?
Personally, I would have to say that the only form of consensual rape is in role-play type rape. A scene where the defiance and pulling away was discussed already, and it is purely for acting sake. Both sides would have an idea of what the scene would be like, and how it would end, before the scene starts. However, in this scenario, the submissive would have a way of saying 'no' (such as a safeword) and be able to stop the scene whenever he or she wishes.
Non-consensual rape would be anything other than the above. (Again, this is subjective to my opinion, and therefore you must decide for yourself what you believe in.) Here are some signs of non-consensual rape:
- The submissive have no way of getting out of the situation, and this has not been negotiated beforehand. (Safeword has been taken away, or is rendered useless)
- The consent was given a long time ago.
- It is against the person's morals
- No consent was ever given
For me, I would personally say yes. Yes you can trust a man who is into rape fantasies. Now I believe the question you need to ask is, can you trust a man who does not know the difference between a fantasy scene and reality?
No.
Just a reminder, if YOU want this guide to be updated my frequently, ask me questions! As you can see from this post and the previous one, NO personal information is given out. If you feel like the privacy of your gD username is not enough, feel free to email me at [email protected] with an anonymous email. 