Thank you for your thoughts. We're on the same page.
She has been very direct with her husband (on her own she wrote property of [me] in an area that sends an unequivocal message), but the friends and family and neighbors thing is certainly an issue.
Sadly as you are probably realizing, my questions and your answers came too late on the most important front. She's infatuated and I'm being compared to husband in ways that don't interest me.
So what is your advice about getting the most out of this relationship without totally dismantling her marriage (especially since she's not going to be the one to put on the brakes there)? Do I just back off and ask for less than I might otherwise? I mean I'm not asking 24/7 slave items, but I still have a pretty tight control on her life (clothes/appearance, food, masturbation/sex, and more). Do I try to sternly withdraw and not give her some of the intimate things she wants (and is not getting from her husband) that were an early part of our virtual encounters? I'm close to instructing her to do things to make sure that marriage is strong.
If it explodes, I'm going to end up with a kitten on my doorstep and I'm not prepared for that. Frankly I'd rather end this than have her cooing about us going shopping at IKEA on a Sunday morning.