Hmm. It's pretty good so far. I wonder what you're going to do to poor Max, I can tell he has no idea what he's getting into
Some tips: I would definitely run this through Microsoft Word before posting. A couple spelling/grammar errors, but nothing too glaring. Make your paragraphs shorter--it's easier on the eyes, and each line of dialogue should be in its own paragraph.
Other than that, it's pretty good. I'd be interested to see where you take it. A word to the wise: your readers will appreciate it more if you show, rather than tell. Instead of saying something like "Max was really nervous about going to camp," your reader would understand just as well if you described how Max was nervous--was he jittery with a cup of tea, was he biting his fingernails? Etc.
Keep up the good work!
