[Etherialknight]

It's a cute story so far. You did a great job cutting down on using repetitive words like "she" as often and express some emotions into the story rather here is what happened, this is what happened next. A little more emotion would help and having a description of where she is, what she is seeing and how she is feeling will help draw in your audience and allow them to place themselves into the stories.

Creativity like all things is a process. If you commit yourself to improving on the work you have done before, you will become a gifted writer before you know it.