Quote:
Originally Posted by wme
actually I think Rose is a good name for a protagonist. Possibly slutlike. THought nice by her parents. But possibly cold as ice.
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I was rather referring to Dylan, which is why there are some weird replies to this thread... This story seems like trolling, just because of the name (okay, a bit also because of the writing in comparison to it)
No offence meant, the author might just have missed that and didn't mean it as trolling... but it kinda looks like, just saying... ^^
@Teacher:
Your story might have an interesting plot, but if you want to attract readers I think you should generally change your writing style in some points. (I'm just being honest, to give you some hints, no offence meant^^)
A story is usually set in past tense, not in present tense, because it's better to read. Past tense is used for narration... well because you usually tell things that happened, not that happen generally/right now. (That's why present tense usually sounds a bit awkward^^)
You should write in detail and use dialogues.
(I'm sorry for any grammatical errors or typos, I didn't have someone check this for me)
Indirekt speech (
"She explains to him that she is very mad because (the sprinkler went off and) she stood at the door for 10 minutes but the TV was turned up to loud.") sounds like you are summarizing something. We don't want to read a summary, we want to be there, we want to see it, hear it,
feel it!
Rose didn't look happy at all. "Damn Dylan, I'm so fucking pissed. Why didn't you answer the door? You know I would come, why did you turn up the TV so loud that you couldn't hear anything?" (.... Dyls reaction)
"Dylan answers the door to find his new girlfriend Rose soaking wet at the front door."
Show, don't tell:
Dylan stood up and went to the door. When he opened it, he saw his girlfriend Rose soaking wet at the front door.
Just random examples.
I hope you don't take it as offence or something
Love