Quote:
Originally Posted by PetiteEmma
Very nice. Reading your full journey i'm very impressed at how far you've come.
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Thank you very much
I guess most people wouldn't understand why I, an educated woman, gave up everything to willingly became property. I know you can't really own humans in Germany, but you know what I mean. About seven years ago it all started as a play maybe a dream, being really owned was more something I fantasized about.
Yet, as arousing this fantasy was, it also frightened me and it took quite a few hurdles to accept myself and this strange desire.
But several attempts showed us (Master, Mistress and me) that I'm not capable of a normal “vanilla” relationship. Like everybody I need love, but that's not enough. I don't want a partner, someone equal. I need loving and strict but caring Owners.
I crave the humiliating aspect of being treated like an animal and not like a human. And I absolutely love being owned.
I don't think that any of us had planned such a development or hat foreseen it, although I'm not unhappy with it.
So, let's get back to the original question how this shy girl that was afraid to touch herself became the proud pet that I'm now.
Did I find an answer?
No.
For the last ten months I checked and shared all the waypoints and every decision that I made, from the idea of being owned, over exploring and embracing my fetishes to the collaring ceremony. While reading my “denial diary” again I realised that during that time I slowly slipped deeper into submission. But I couldn't make out the point were the path spit and I decided to become a pet.
Maybe I'm just build this way, maybe I took a “different exit” in live or maybe I have a calling in life that I can't and don't need to understand.
So maybe one of you have found it, but at the same time I ask myself if I really care that I didn't find an answer?
No, not any more.
In the past I often had reservations when I was asked to do something unpleasant. But Master made it clear to me that, since the ceremony, I am no longer a "normal" woman and have officially chosen this life for myself. With all it's consequences.
Moreover, as my owner he also duties, just as every other person who keeps a pet must also take responsibility for it.
So, when I said that I don't have any rights it's not the whole truth. Of course I don't have any “human” rights because that would be silly.
But I realised that I have the right not to care about unpleasant decisions.
I don't make them, so they are not my responsibility any more. Of course I have to follow the rules. But at the same time my Owners have to and will make sure that I'm not given a command that is against these rules or my limits.
And most important, I have the right to be trained properly.
Sometimes I simply need a firm hand and discipline. Punishing me to correct unwanted behaviour or disrespect is not abuse. It shows Master cares enough to want to correct me. It shows love. It shows a presence in my life, that I'm seen and heard. Because the opposite of love is not hate - it’s neglect.
So even someone would judge me (my family definitely will), you can't deny that it's a happy and peaceful life.
I enjoy what I have become and looking forward what ever my Owners will decide for me
So, since I didn't find an answer I will turn this thing in a kind of open diary now.