Have you ever had your limit unintentionally broken ?
How do you handle it ? How do you react ? How do you forgive ?
I definitely have had my limits broken. Most of the time it's stuff that I didn't think needed to be an explicit limit. Usually this happens with more inexperienced Doms. I am now a lot pickier with who I play with but when I was just starting out, I would play with just about anyone. When it would happen, it didn't happen right out of the gate, we usually built up to it. When something I was not comfortable came up, I naturally pushed back against it. I am a bratty sub so it is expected that there is some resistance on my side but I felt like they weren't listening to me almost even when I started using the Yellow safeword. Eventually I used the Red safeword and that was the end of the play session. When someone breaks my limits, that kind of kills it for me, I am no longer in the mood to play. In the specific situation I am thinking about, I ended up giving the Dom another chance but the same thing ended up happening so I straight up told him that he wasn't respecting my limits and that I wasn't going to play with him. I am generally very forgiving and willing to give a Dom another chance but I'm not a doormat, you can't walk all over me. If a Dominant isn't going to respect me enough to observe my limits then I don't think they deserve my respect as a submissive.
Q : is ONLINE BDSM ultimately self-harm ?
As someone who actively struggles with self-harm (obsessive scratching to the point of drawing blood, skipping meals to the point I become sick, staying awake when my body is exhausted, etc.) I don't think online BDSM is self-harm. Most of the self-harm I do is unintentional like I don't mean to do it but I have to make a conscious effort to stop. I feel like having someone, a Dominant in my case to hold me accountable is helpful, at least for me. BDSM for me is ultimately about pleasure and personally I am not that much into pain and self-destructive behaviors so it pretty much is pleasure based. I feel like a healthy BDSM relationship should not be harmful to either participant and I feel like if it begins to feel that way, then perhaps it is time to consider parting ways.
|