[johnsalach]

I asked the receptionist where the remains of Sizewell Abbey were before breakfast and were reliably informed that they were a mere twenty minutes walk away up the footpath directly opposite the hostel. After a meagre breakfast of cereal, orange juice and toast I visited the toilet and made tracks at quarter past eight.

The footpath, despite being predominantly uphill wasn't too tiring and I reached the top just after half past. I was the first one there and sat on top of the hill, from which the entire area was visible. I climbed about twelve feet on top of the ruins and watched as a large girl - big_boned_lucy and an unknown guy was also walking up the hill. I had worn shorts and T-shirts but I noticed they were both wearing trousers and a jumper. While it was a bit chilly on top of the hill and I had a few goose pimples, it was due to get consider warmer as the day wore on and I didn't want to be carrying out around unnecessary clothes.

I jumped down from my vantage point to greet Lucy, who was tired and out of breath already and londonjames82, who was around three years older than myself.

It took Angelina another twenty minutes to arrive, and by which time all seven of us who we knew were arriving was at the top of the hill. When she finally did make it over the brow of the hill, she was accompanied by two gentlemen and a younger looking girl. Beaming, she greeted us.

`Welcome, to my ultimate game' she called out as we broke off from our little conversations to listen. `There was supposed to be another player - Helen, or hotstuff - but a family emergency has come up so after much begging my little sister has asked to take her place. Yes, she is a virgin at this, but I won't be giving her specialist treatment. This is Josie'

Josie was an exact copy of Angelina only half a foot shorter. She had wavy brown hair down to her shoulders and an ample chest with impossible toned legs. I smiled at her, but Josie was blushing and looking away.

`To business', Angelina called. `The first challenge. A checklist of ten items, each worth a set amount of points and twenty pounds in cash. The loser - the lowest points total and they do a forfeit. Be back here by 3pm or be disqualified. Any questions?'

Angelina's minders were busy handing out envelopes to each of us while she spoke and Lucy asked a question.

`What's the forfeit?'

Angelina laughed. `That would be telling. You'll see'.

I tore open the envelope and read the check-list:

Used, unwashed underwear from a local resident - 20 points
The exact address of the memorial to Timmy Williams - 20 points
A bottle of Deep Heat - 15 points
A leaf from a horse chestnut - 10 points
A pack of flavoured condoms - 10 points
A cucumber - 10 points
A pair of cycling shorts - 5 points
A strong branch from a tree - 5 points
A packet of sweets - 3 points
A stone from a building - 2 points

It was immediately apparent, as I walked down the hill, that I needed to pick up a stone when I returned to the finishing point for the two points, but I did not want to carry it around with me as I tried to fulfil the rest of the task. The first two would be the big ones to get, and hopefully keep me in the competition.

The first port of call for me was the post office. The old woman behind the counter asked if she could help me and I asked her where the memorial to Timmy Williams was. She looked at me blankly and so I bought a packet of Fruit Gums from her little display for 45p and crossed that off my list.

The tiny village shop was next to the post office, but was obvious that they did not stock either condoms, clothing or Deep Heat and the vegetable rack was nearly empty. Without embarrassing myself by asking the young girl who worked there, I left the shop and walked into the village square. A large obelisk stood proudly as a memorial to those who died in the wars but despite there being a plethora of names, Timmy Williams was not one of them.

I noticed Lucy and Jolie walk into the village shop and smiled to myself. It was then that I noticed a little bus parked on the corner of the green and ran over to it. It was going to the big town five miles away and asked the driver when he would be returning.

`Bus leaves at noon, arrives at half past', he told me and I paid the £3.00 return fare before climbing aboard.

The larger town was far better. I found a sports shop and bartered the price of a large pair of cycling shorts on a discontinued line and the pack of Deep Heat for just £7. The cucumber was just 50 pence from the local market, and it was barely half ten when I totted up I was already at 33 points. Walking back down the High Street, I noticed a faded sign down one of the back alleys 'LAUNDRETTE' and almost ran down it to the tatty shop with open doors.

I peered in through the open door and was amazed to find that only two people were there. One was busy with their washing and their back to the door, while someone else was reading a newspaper. On top of the machines were baskets of dirty washing waiting for their owners to come back and empty the finished load.

I saw my opportunity as in the corner of the room was a dirty vending machine, next to which was a basket of washing. As I approached the vending machine I noticed a pair of frilly knickers on top and hoped that they were unwashed. A dirty football sock hanging over the end of the basket confirmed this and I proceeded to put my fifty pence in the machine to get a can of Pepsi. As a knelt down to collect the drink I swiped the knickers and stuffed them in my envelope without anyone noticing.

A walk around the adjacent park didn't find any horse chestnut trees, and so out of luck, tried a few residential streets hoping to find such a tree, but this too was also fruitless

The big pharmacy in the town were out of flavoured condoms and although I caused a couple of sixth formers behind me to giggle when I turned down the normal or ribbed varieties felt that I could get these in the pub toilets back in the village. With just 45 minutes to spare until the bus went back to the village I walked into the library next to the bus station and into the reference section.

`Can I help you?' the librarian asked, peering over her large tome.

`Do you know where the memorial to Timmy Williams is?' I asked, more out of desperation. She shook her head and thought for a moment.

`No. You could try the Internet', she pointed towards the computer in the corner of the room. I thanked her, and spent 20 minutes on Google, all to no avail.

As I went to leave, she collared me again. `Did you find what you want?'

`No', I shook my head. `Nothing. I just know it is somewhere in the local area'

`Well, that gentleman over there is a local historian', she said pointing towards a bespectacled man pouring over a newspaper. `If he doesn't know, no-one does'

`Excuse me', I said tentatively and the old man looked up at me. `The librarian said you might be able to help me. Do you know anything about Timmy Williams?' I asked.

`Oh yes', he said. `Sit down'. I looked at my watch and reasoned I had around 15 minutes so sat down to listen.

`Timmy was quite famous round these parts many years ago. He fought in the first world war and was decorated at the Somme among other battles. He was in the artillery and rose to become a Sergeant very quickly. In the closing days of the war he had his arm shot off, and although he lived had no left arm underneath the elbow. He came back to the local area and ran the post office in Sizewell for a number of years before becoming councillor and then MP. He was given an MBE in the seventies but when he retired he moved to Bournemouth and then died in the eighties. Why?'

`Do you know where his memorial is?'

He shook his head and said, `apart from his grave in a Bournemouth cemetry, I've no idea'. I thanked him and then left for the bus.

The drive back to Sizewell was uneventful but I was mulling over the story trying to find anything which might indicate where the memorial might be. It was as I was disembarking the bus and walking towards the pub that I saw it. The name of the establishment was "The One-Armed Bowler" and I just couldn't stop laughing. The pub toilets did indeed stock flavoured condoms and I swapped two of my English pounds for ten points. As I left the pub I asked the landlady for the address which I wrote on the envelope with her pen before bidding her farewell.

The rest of the day was fruitless except finding a suitable stick in the wood. Horse Chestnut trees were rare and I was sure ninety points would be fine. I arrived back at the abbey fifteen minutes early and picked up a brick from the rubble and awaited the arrival of Angelina.

In fact, it took her just two more minutes to return armed with her minders. She greeted me like an old friend as I presented my finds. `Wow! Ninety points' she exclaimed.

`Where is the Horse Chestnut tree?' I asked.

`At the back of the church' she told me and I kicked myself having walked past it a number of times.

I felt better when Lucy arrived and scored a meagre thirty points. In fact, she was lowest total as everyone else arrived and there was almost panic in her eyes as tord_phreak - a big guy from Yorkshire scored 32. At 3pm, Angelina looked round and smiled.

`Icum4u isn't here' she exclaimed and then told Lucy she was off the hook. `He's disqualified and we have a loser'