[fieldman]

Originally Posted by Iris.xo

Hello.

I was going through the sub/dom section when I stumbled upon your discipline thread. It is exactly what I need at the moment. It has been a hard month, and it will only get harder soon, and I want to start fresh in a sense. Maybe atoning for my mistakes will give me that start.

If you're still doing this, please let me know.

Thank you.

~Iris

Originally Posted by fieldman

Hello there Iris

Potentially interested in this. For it to work I need detailed written feedback from you, much as you've seen in the thread. Can you do that?

If so tell me a bit more about why you feel you need to be disciplined and what you've done to get yourself to that point.

Will.

Originally Posted by Iris.xo

Hello again.

Yes I would be able to do a detailed report.

As for the reason for punishment, I have a very important exam next month. I had made a three month revision schedule in April. The first month I was on track and it was going great. Around when the second month started I was beginning to slack off. I didn't finish the list of everyday tasks, eventually it got so bad that I stopped doing anything at all. I would spend all my time either on here or reading novels for pleasure. I didn't attend classes even when teachers checked up on me, giving excuses for every week. And before I even knew what happened a month had already gone by.

Right now I'm trying my best to get back into the flow of things, but I'm finding it really hard to break some of the habits I've formed over the month. I just finish the bare minimum that I need to do for a day. I keep blocking the idea of the exam from my mind, because it scares me to the core just thinking how much I have to revise, and how fast it is approaching now.

I've ruined my whole sleep schedule. I have not been much of a sleeper ever, but it has gotten much worse. I go to sleep by 4 then wake up at 9. I wouldn't even mind that if I was actually studying at night, but by 12 am I get bored and just start reading novels or watching Netflix. I tried fixing a schedule that allowed me to wake up earlier, at least 7 am. But fixing that schedule takes me a week of practice. And then if I just give myself one day to not go according to it, it fucks up all over.

I've also gotten into the horrible habit of smoking. It just feels so good to let go of the constant anxiety I'm feeling that I can't seem to stop myself. I'm onto 3 cigarettes a day even when I'm trying my best to control myself. I don't want to have a sudden drop as that will just put me more on edge. I will definitely work on this after the exam. But I thought you should know the full extent of it.

That's pretty much it. I'm scared admitting all this, but I know I need to do this to do better in the very near future. I need to get my shit back together or I will definitely fail the exam. I hope you can help.

~Iris

Originally Posted by fieldman

So, taking all this together...

You have an exam in a few weeks, which you've known about for most of this year. You made a three month revision schedule leading up to it. Yet after the first month of that revision schedule, you began to, in your own words, "slack off." You began not bothering to complete your self-imposed everyday revision and then, as you confessed, "stopped doing anything at all." It became worse as you began not attending classes and making false excuses to your teachers as to why.

Your negative behaviour began to take over your whole life. Your sleep pattern began to fall apart, with you spending your days reading novels and Getdare posts, or watching Netflix, until 4am. I find that you probably did much more than merely sit and passively consume but that you were actively involved on here, as your posting history clearly shows. You weren't retreating into doing something that could potentially have bettered your mind. Instead you were playing games, playing with yourself and fully focused only on your own selfish pleasure and stimulation.

On top of all this, you have begun smoking. So far you're only on three cigarettes a day but it is a bad habit, as you admit, and it is a slippery slope. You say you're doing it to cope with the anxiety you feel but I do not think that is an acceptable reason. You say you'll work on quitting after your exam but in reality you are pushing the problem into the future, hoping it will go away on its own without your needing to address it.

You have allowed yourself to fall into a spiral of bad behaviour. I find you were probably a reasonable student until some weeks ago when you began giving into your urges to laze around, do nothing but gratify yourself and indulge in self-destructive behaviours. That is unacceptable, and while you deserve a little credit for coming forward to admit all of this, that is very much limited by the fact you have cost yourself two months of revision time. Vital learning time in which you could have set yourself a more achievable study schedule and stuck to it, bettering yourself and properly blending your leisure time with your studies.

You are lazy. You are dishonest, lying to your teachers about why you're skipping classes. You are self-indulgent, preferring self-stimulation through GD, Netflix and books to doing what you know deep down you ought to be doing, studying. You deserve to be dealt with sternly to prevent a repeat of all this behaviour.

Before I decide what you deserve to correct all of this and have you atone for what you have and haven't done, is there anything else you want to tell me?
It has been so long since anyone actually scolded me. I am usually very careful about how I handle my stuff, and didn't really get scolded ever for studies even when I was a kid. But I understand that this has gone too far. I have been giving into my urges too often and caring less about what I ought to do. I will commit to the punishment and get better to the best of my abilities.

Originally Posted by Iris.xo

I'm pretty sure this was implied with all that I said, but I will state it explicitly because I'm feeling particularly guilty after that scolding. I had spent a lot of money on buying mock tests and such for the exam. And I was supposed to slowly build them up starting from doing 1 once a week to eventually 1 once a day. But obviously that didn't end up happening. Now I have loads of mock tests pending but not the will to get through them. I don't want all of them to go to waste. But I just find it so hard to sit down for 3 hours and get through them. The couple I did somehow finish, I never went back to check what I did wrong or correct myself, which just makes doing them useless.

~Iris

It so happens that due to illness I wasn't able to complete this fully, but the scolding had the right effect on Iris and she straightened up.