Quote:
Originally Posted by xxbluepandaxx48
Open to playing!
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....wat.
Okay... a bit at a loss for words here, Blue Panda with some x's. I'll need a minute to gather my thoughts, because... what even
is that thing between your legs??
Did someone smash it in a car door? Several times...?
Did a cartoon strongman give it too tight of a squeeze at some point after eating a can of spinach?
Or did you leave it out in the sun to melt, and catch it just as the ice cream was about to slide off your waffle cone to splat on the pavement, and think, "Yeah, that's what a dick should look like."
*deep, steadying breath*
Okay, so for those
not staring at this monstrosity, I suppose I should describe it.
The first thing you notice, looking at Panda's prick (thanks to the context of the dare, I was able to figure out that was what I was looking at without
too much trouble) is that its head is... *tilts head slooooowly to one side* Well it's... crooked.
No, crooked isn't the right word. It's actually
off-center.
Words aren't doing it justice.
Imagine you had a dick, short, squat, misshapen in general (which I'll get to in a minute), with a glans that's freakishly oversized, but only from bell to frenulum, front to back. It's pretty strange already, but stick with me.
Now imagine you neatly sliced off that strangely oversized-in-one-dimension head—we're in cartoon land here, so chillax!—and then let it sliiiiiide forward/downward until it's juuuuust about to let go and plop onto the floor. And then glue it there.
Seriously, this thing overhangs its shaft, on completely the wrong side, by a full third of its diameter! I mean, there are mushroom-heads, and then there are freaking beach umbrellas for his balls!
If that was all, then it'd just be a quirky little thing, but... gods, it's so mean, and I shudder to think of how and why, but... I swear, looking at the shaft...
I think at some point in his life, he musta
broke it somehow.
There's this lump, two-thirds of the way up his shaft, like... I don't even know, like someone cut a grape in half and added it, and another half for good measure, under the skin?
Panda, be honest. Did.... did someone break your penis, son?
There must be places that can help boys like you.... somehow. Maybe we should start a gofundme or something...
But hey, maybe one day he'll meet a nice young duckling, fall in love, and be a perfect fit for its corkscrew vag!
And... oh damn. Okay, now I'm doing the math in my head... if I were on my back, and he was... nope. That's backwards. 'cause it hooks forward, not up... weird.
Okay, yeah, so I'd need to be on my belly, and if he was fucking me...
Well, I mean, it's too short for that, probably.
Okay, one more try.
If I was on all fours, doggy style, and he was fucking me, that freakish hook-shaped beak of a glans might actually turn out to be in
just the right spot for some kick-ass prostate stimulation!
He-hey, that's it! You're like a living Aneros, kid! Way to go!