[MissMaria]

This chapter is going to be a little slower as others were as a way of advancing the story, but more will be coming soon.

Chapter 15

The door opened and we were greeted by a tall ginger woman wearing jeans and a t-shirt, she had a large smile and a welcoming friendly face. She instantly reached out the door pulling Jess into a hug.

"It's been too long Jess, you have to start coming by more often"
"Stells it's only been two weeks, it's not like I've been away for a year"
"I know, I know, I just like to know you are doing well" Stella took a glance at me "so whos this handsome guy?"
"I'm David, we knew each other when we were kids, meet again a week ago" I replied "and you're ginger that explains the temper I have heard so much about" I exclaimed

Both Jess and Stella gave me a playful slap over the head

"Well that's the first time I have had a slap in stereo, normally its more of a monotype thing," I said winking at Jess, both giggled for a moment,

"Come in, come in, you can put the presents on the dining table, I thought us adults could relax out the kitchen"

We both placed the gifts on the table, Ella was sitting on the living room floor playing, Stellas house really was quite nice, it was minimal in design, mahogany units throughout and nice-looking carpets running throughout. Everything was tidy apart from a few toys laying around. Ella too was Ginger and wearing a red dress she did look very cute.

"Happy Birthday Ella," I said through the door, Ella looked for a second then went back to playing "You have a lovely home Stella, do you ladies mind if I just slip out for a fag, it been a while since I have had one" As I said this I could see a slight scowl from Jess,
"That's fine" Stella answered "There is an ashtray out the back garden on the right by the bench"

I headed out through the back door to the garden, the garden was nice, it was a large size but not unmanageably big, there was a patio on the right where the bench was, taking a seat on the bench I lit up my first fag I had been able to have in days. As I leaned back enjoying the cigarette and getting head rush at the same time I heard my phone ping
'Smoking REALLY?'
'Jess really, I was a smoker at 11 you know this…'
'Well clearly age has not taught you better'
'We all have our ways of escaping reality Jess, this is mine'
'We will see about that'
'Jess, do you really want to start the day with a disagreement?'
'I guess not, but we will be talking about this later'
That last message had a bit of an ominous sound to it, Jess wouldn't let this go, though on the plus side this is exactly the type of argument a couple might have so that might help, I giggled to myself at the thought. I watched the birds at the end of the garden eating from the bird feeder, I had always loved birds there was something so freeing bout the idea of being able to fly away anywhere. Even after I had finished my fag I continued to sit and watch the birds fly back and forth the feeder and a nearby tree. My thoughts were interrupted by another ping
'That's the longest fag I have ever known…'
'Yeah I know I got to stop smoking the Lambert and Butler foot longs'
'Funny Ha Ha, get your ars in here'
'You were the one who said to be David, this is David…'
'In now, don't push your luck'

As I walked into the kitchen I could see Jess and Stella sat at the breakfast bar,
"Pushy push luck push lucky push-push" I sang in a child like voice faking pushing something through the air,
"I told her to leave you be," Stella said while smiling, Jess just gave me daggers, I was kind of torn at that moment, I mean on one hand I could get away with almost anything right now and it was tempting to keep pushing especially since my old defiance was returning at this moment of freedom, but on the other hand, I knew for sure I would regret it later once we were away from Stellas… decisions, decisions.

My thoughts were broken as other parents Stella knew started to arrive at the door, Jess knew some of them and so I started to feel the outsider and slipped out the garden again, I just sat there on the bench again watching or maybe envying the birds, I couldn't really tell. There were so many things in my life I didn't understand these days, they just seemed to be piling up. I would like to say that sitting there was somehow cathartic or that it offered some answers but in truth, all it did was present more questions. Even if I could find out what happened way back when what would that change? anything? and if it did, is that really what I wanted? I wasn't sure anymore, a day ago yes definitely but now? I really didn't know, something in me, some deep part was actually happy and I could neither explain nor understand it but that is what it was.

"Beautiful aren't they?"
"Huh?" I said surprised to hear anyone turning to see Jess sat next to me
"The birds, they're beautiful, you know I used to watch you sit there out your garden for hours watching them when you were angry with your sisters or mum"
"She was no mum, a mum cares for her kids, she never wanted me around I was just the annoyance that broke everything"
"That's really how you sore it?"
"How else douse a person see facts?"
I was glad when Jess did not press the conversation, That was not a topic I was diving into today, she instead put her arm over my shoulder and sat and watched the birds with me, she was quite for a while,
"You know I really thought you were going to join the air force after I left"
"I was…" I replied
"Why didn't you, you always glowed talking about flying the planes with cadets"
"I wouldn't have got the post I wanted, I am too tall to fly fighter jets, and I was too arrogant to see the other opportunities"

This was the most normal conversation we had in years and yet it felt so unnatural, but also so natural at the same time, I was so conflicted in my head, for every answer I thought I had found there was nothing but more questions. The largest one of all being why was I happier when Jess was controlling, I had learned about toxic relationships when I was younger and this was a textbook example and yet that is exactly what I wanted on some level and that just had me at odds with myself, that was such a self-destructive thing to want, and yet I did want it. I lit up another fag as I sat there trying to stop thinking of all this, my head was hurting, Jess gave me a sour look but said nothing and stayed regardless.

Jess returned to the party shortly after that, I just sat out in the garden, it was easier that way, I didn't know anyone and was a bit too wrapped up in my head anyway. Every so often a guest would come out for a fag and I would talk about random things with them till they returned inside. A few hours later my phone pinged
'Everyone is gone now its just Stella, Ella, and I in here now'