1. What's your bday?
- Yesterday (Woop woop!)
2. How many children do you want to have?
- 3 at most.
3. What would their names be? (First and Middle)
- Evangeline, Tobias and Seth.
4. At what age would you like to have these kids?
- Into my thirties.
5. Any pets?
- Not at the moment.
6. If yes, what kind?
- Used to own a dog called Candy and always wanted a cat.
7. What is your dream vehicle?
- Hover-sub-ma-bike
8. If you could go to any place in the world for a week, where would you go and what would you do there?
- I would go back to Mozambique and stay on the beach (Fatima's nest.)
9. Which is your favorite part of the human face and why?
- The eyes, because I'm a hopeless romantic deep down.
10. You're sentenced to spend one year on an island, completely alone. You may bring 5 items. Food and water and 2 sets of clothes will be provided. You may not bring ANYTHING that would allow contact with the outside world, this includes any signaling devices, attempting to contact the outside world and you will be shot immediately. What 5 items would you bring and why?
- Swiss army knife, duct tape, survival guide, pack of cards and suncream.
11. Describe your perfect date?
- Meet in town, grab a drink, go see some stand up comedy, go grab a pizza and play some bowling, back to my place for coffee and a crappy movie.
12. What is your darkest fantasy?
- Oh. No no. You don't know me that well just yet.
13. If you could change 3 things about yourself what would you choose?
- My body (already am changing it. Gym.)
- My... hair?
- My inability to find three things about myself that I don't like.
14. Describe your perfect man or woman.
- Petite, cute, maybe a little sub, maybe a little switch, but with my mind.
15. What's your opinion on ass-to-mouth?
- Never tried it. I'll get back to you if the opportunity arises.
16. Have you ever given a rimjob?
- Nope
17. If a person with multiple personality disorder threatens suicide would that be considered as a hostage situation?
- Yes.
18. Would you ever involve yourself in beatiality?
- *innocent whistle* I assume you mean 'Bestiality' or 'Zoophilia'?
19. If yes what animal?
- Dogs.
20. If no, but were forced to, what animal?
- Dogs.
21. Given the choice between watching your best friend being forced into a 20 person 24 hour gang bang and being required to witness the entire thing without saying a word to them, or being forced into a week long 50 person one yourself with your best friend participating in it, which would you choose?
- The first option, and you can make that 21 people.
22. How would you spend $5.2 million yen?
- Take a couple of friends on holiday and save the rest.
23. If you could time travel to any point in time "when" would you go and what would you do?
- I would go back in time to various points and subtley manipulate events so that 'normal' people weren't so boring in our time. I would also leave myself blueprints to the time machine and instructions on what to do so as to avoid that whole paradox of 'but then you wouldn't make a time machine and travel back'.
24. Do you like chocolate?
- Hell yeah.
25. If Microsoft is big then why isn’t it called Macrosoft?
- Bill named it after his penis, you see. True story.
26. What's your dream life?
- Clarify: what is the life I wish to lead or what is the life I dream about? because the second one involves dinosaurs and universe hopping, whilst the first one is an easy life on the beach by the time I hit 50.
27. What scares you the most and why?
- Zombies. Because I live near a graveyard.
28. Name 3 things you find most beautiful about the natural world?
- Science. (both physical and social)
- The first rays of sunshine waking the birds at 3AM just as I'm falling asleep.
- The silence found atop snow-peaked mountains.
29. Which is your favorite body part of the human body and why?
- The feet. They're filled with some of the smallest and most delicate bones in the body and they do the massive job of keeping us upright.
30. If doctors get to see you naked anyway then why do they leave the room while you change?
- Same reason the cashier looks away when you enter your PIN, even though it'll be on the CCTV.
31. Have you ever seen Man vs Food?
- No
32. If so, have you ever thought you could do any of the challenges?
- ...
33. If so, which ones?
- ???
34. What's the most difficult thing you've ever had to do? Physically? and Emotionally?
- Physically, had to build a school house in Africa. Blazing heat, heavy lifting, scorpions, etc etc etc. Emotionally? Leaving the village when I was done.
35. What are your two biggest regrets?
- Not trying to get her back. I learned after that that you only regret the things you never try.
- Um... yeah, that's all I've got.
36. If you had the chance to go change them, what would you do different?
- I wouldn't. If it weren't that way, I wouldn't have learned my lesson and I would have more regrets right now.
37. Who's the best person in your immediate or extended family?
- Me. Second best would have to be the middle brother.
38. Who's the worst?
- The youngest brother.
39. What are you most jealous of?
- How easy other people's lives seem to be as a result of lowering their standards.
40. Are you OCD about anything?
- Oh f*****g hell, yes. Almost everything I have control over.
41. What would you do if your best friend died?
- I would bring society to it's knees.
42. Do you have crash courses for pilots?
- Yes.
43. If you had to give up one habit, what would it be?
- I'm a drinking, smoking, gambling, lecherous Narcissist. I'm giving up cigarettes at the moment.
44. If you had to give up communication and sever all ties to one close friend who would it be?
- If I had to, probably Alex.
45. Would you rather live in complete isolation from all of society except through phone calls and email…or…get complete amnesia, relocated to a different country (with the same language) and be left with no recollection of your entire past including all people you know?
- Oh god. It'd have to be the second option.
46. What size is your bed?
- Big.
47. Why is the lid of a coffin nailed down?
- Zombies. I shit you not.
48. If you had to give up either cheese in all forms or oral sex i-
- Let me stop you there. Cheese is gone.
49. If you could have any wish granted what would you want?
- Mass depravity.
50. What is more important - lust or love?
- Lust.
51. Define marriage in a sentence.
- A system designed and implemented to quell rebellion amongst the serfs.
52. If sheep can’t sleep what do they count?
- People. Obviously.
53. Does size matter?
- Yes, though where you stick it is a factor.
54. Do you have any STDs?
- NO! I'm clean as a whistle if you fancy a blow
. Paranoia is a great tool.
55. What’s your most prominent sexual skill?
- Oral.
56. What’s your most lacking area of sexual ability?
- Um... Sex, I guess. I'm not just a piston...
57. What’s your favorite position?
- It's boring, I know, but doggy style.
58. What does the term free gift mean? Aren’t all gifts supposed to be free?
- It's like a double negative. It means there's some sort of cost involved.
59. Have you ever invented any sexual acts? (i.e. Lumberjack, Donkey Punch, Houdini, Rodeo, Landshark, etc.)
- Yes, it's known as the venom.
60. Where’s the wildest place you’ve had sex?
- In my ex-girlfriend's daughter's bed.
61. How often do you masturbate?
- Rarely. The frustration gives me the drive to succeed.
62. If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?
- No, but fish scales do. Fish are of course tickled by dog hair...
63. What’s the longest you’ve gone without masturbating?
- A year. Was the longest dare I ever took.
64. Have you ever made a self-porn?
- Yes.
65. Have you ever taken pictures masturbating or having sex?
- Yep.
66. What’s the weirdest job you’ve ever applied for?
- Lead creative specialist in a fictional firm.
67. Did you get it?
- Yep.
68. If offered $10K to be a stripper at a federal penitentiary for one full night would you take it?
- That's only like £6K (GBP) so no.
69. What’s your biggest pet peeve?
- Chav Culture.
70. Have you ever worked on a farm?
- Heh. Yep.
71. If while talking to God he sneezes then what do you say?
- Ghezuntite.
72. If you could go back and change something about your high school days what would it be?
I wouldn't have had my math GCSE on my 16th birthday.
73. Do you sing while having a bath or shower?
- Yep. Shower songs.
74. How often have you driven over the speed limit?
- I don't drive.
75. What’s the highest over you’ve gone?
- What did I just say?
76. If you think no one is looking what is the one thing you would do?
- I know that no-one's looking.
77. If you could marry a cartoon character who would it be? Why?
- Harley Quinn from Batman. I had the hots for her growing up, even though I hear she's got DC.
78. What did you most get into trouble for when you were younger?
- I once crushed up some plaster of Paris into dust and bagged it up, pretended to sell it to a friend in front of this kid at high school. I was suspended pending the results of drug testing, my parents hit the roof and I wasn't allowed to use plaster of Paris again.
79. What is the one thing that disgusts you?
- Boring people.
80. If you have the speed of light and sound then can you find the speed of smell?
- Gas diffusion constants? Yeah, easy.
81. What was your nickname in high school?
- Candy. (Yeah, I know, just like my dog. Long story.)
82. Which movie title would best depict your life story? Why?
- "Fuck it: you only live twice." I died briefly as a kid and it had a big impact on my life.
83. Which is the one event that has had the biggest impact on you and your life?
- My first death. Totally changed my outlook on life.
84. What do you love and hate the most about the human race?
- I love the brains. The human mind is a fascinating and beautiful thing full of swirly colours and happy thoughts. I hate the conditioning applied to it, filtering out the nice things and replacing them with rules.
85. When did you first travel by airplane and where?
- When I was a year old I travelled to Hawaii by plane.
86. What is the first thing you do when you get up every morning?
- Curse each and every deity that I can think of for creating a time of day that comes before my first cup of hot coffee.
87. Which one country would you want relocate to if you had the opportunity?
- Japan, Tech central of the world.
88. How come you get the pizza faster than an ambulance?
- Because pizza places are a business, Ambulances are a luxury.
89. Do you think you are selfish?
- I can be, though I try not to be.
90. If people point to their wrist while asking for the time then why don't they just point to their crotch while asking for the location of the bathroom?
- Because that's the universal symbol for 'where's my penis?'
91. What is your favorite drink?
- It's called 'The Phoenix' and when you drink it, you'll be fine for about half an hour. Then the next thing you know, you're rising again the next morning, tasting like alcohol, sex and ash.
92. What would I find in your refrigerator right now?
- My housemates' food and my alcohol.
93. What is the last book you read?
- Overkill by Joseph Teller.
94. How many gas stations would you say there are in the United States?
- Not enough to keep prices down.
95. If aliens landed in front of you and, in exchange for anything you desire, offered you any position on their planet, what would you want?
- So I get something I desire AND I get to be an ambassador for earth? I'd desire a Jedi robe and working Light-sabre.
96. If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the title should be?
- "An upwards arrow."
97. How would you describe yourself in three words?
- Hi, I'm Fenix.
98. Tell me about the worst boss you ever had.
- She ran the pub, she hated people. bad combination.
99. What is your greatest weakness?
- I don't trust people easily.
100. What is the temperature when it's twice as cold as zero degrees?
- 273 degrees celcius. (Very clever joke there.)