since you're involving other people in this where it is usually just you and your wife, perhaps you should have a safe word, so that if you use it, it allows you to pause everything and keep from crossing boundaries. This may allow you to feel more comfortable with a tiny amount of control over the situation so that you can play out this fantasy.
For example, you've progressed to the point of being naked. Safe word allows you to put whatever underwear back on for 15 minutes. Or allows you to step out of the room for 10 minutes.
Just some possibilities.
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