[ofthenorth]

I like it...interested to see where it goes. Very good writing, and wondering where you're going with a little girl and a twenty year old man with the nature of the stories on this site. I know it's not in the R section but still a curious question.

Only one thing to point out, you do something I do myself a lot, I'm guessing you type fast and in doing so you mess up simple short words cause your finger's muscle memory outruns your brain. You misspell "the" a lot as "teh" I do the same thing and have to go back and correct it however mine is usually "hte" :P just thought I'd point that out for you. I'm just a grammar and spelling nazi a lot of times. Haha.

Overall great story...a nice piece of "fantasy fiction" :P Ignore all those negative comments and keep up the good work. It may not be exactly in line with reality but what story is? I've read stories on here where people do things that would for sure get them arrested, in the hospital, or dead even and some even claim their "true" so ignore anything about this not being "believable" and the fact that it's not a "dare" story doesn't mean anything it's just getting started and there's lots of stories on here that aren't actually dares so forget about that, and you probably have a wealth of ideas floating around that can make it into that genre that you just haven't brought into the story yet. It's still starting.

It's a great story and you're a good writer. Keep it up.