Here is the situation. The practices of bdsm we have tried till now are these (spanking, bondage, pulling her hair) which are all things she mentioned she likes. When I ask her what else she wants to try, the response is I do not know. Also, especially the last times we had sex, she did not take almost any initiative and I was telling her all the time what to do and what not. But for example, when I tied her hands and tried to lick her pussy, she said no.
Sex with her is great (both for her and for me) and I do not want to ruin that by adding more bdsm elements. I think however, that if we do add elements we both enjoy, we can both have more fun. Especially her. But she gets upset very easily and I am afraid if I have a conversation about bdsm she might get really upset and even stop wanting to do with me the things we already do (spanking, bondage etc).
I am taking it slow for the time being and I am not gonna suggest trying something new soon. But at some point later I would like to suggest that. Would you think that it would be better talking with her at a neutral ground -eg while drinking a coffee- or during/before/after sex. I have a feeling she might has her "defences" more down while we are at bed. And the problem is that almost all the times we start talking about sex, we have an argument at the end.
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Originally Posted by Luthor
This. Double This.
Have you communicated this to her before? What you want: trying new things, more fun, and creating a better experience; but only continuing things that she's comfortable with? Do you guys have a safe word set up-- or is it otherwise clear that she can choose to stop if it becomes too much? What has she said, asides from no?
I don't know you or your girlfriend, but it may be a good idea to talk with her about the new things she ended up liking, seeing if she's open to continuing trying more, and asking her how she'd like to proceed, regarding that. I wouldn't rush her regarding this-- probably explicitly giving her time to think it over. She's trying new things, just had her first orgasm, and may still be processing it and how if its in, mentally (and/or physically).
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