Dear all,
I am sorry for a delay in an update but had to focus on real life again. This of course does not mean that Sir is not always there with me. Nor that I am not focused on my daily routine and Sir’s orders. His orders and the routine he planned for me I find even more important when I am not able to talk to Sir every day - it reminds me of my role and the need to serve. Just like my varnished toe nails - something I now consider almost like my second collar. Hidden but there. A constant shout: slave. Master’s property.
It will be not be a very long update because time really is not on my side at the moment but I would still like to say that I did as told and fucked myself on my plug for an hour facing the blank wall, nails varnished, naked, collared and marked "Master’s Property". No chance of cum of course as I need to learn to control my useless genitals. And cum I did not, for a very long time now. No orgasm for 39 days. I never imagined to get this far but I know how important it is not to focus on my useless little genitals but only on Sir and his pleasure. And I am determined to remain chaste until ordered otherwise by Sir.
Of course I am constantly aroused but there is not much I can do apart to try and focus my sexual energy on becoming a better boy. And not waste everything for a few pathetic dribbles of spunk. I am only allowed to do daily edgings (morning and evening) which are becoming harder every single day but I am grateful for them and try to do them having Sir’s orders in mind. I do believe this is also a method of learning not to spunk in a brief second like inexperienced boys usually do, although I do not know how I would be able to resist if I was touched by Sir or even close to his Man body. But I am working daily on this and in a way try to reprogram my brain on serving Sir and not my worthless body pleasure. As I said before serving Sir is always bringing me so much more.
Recently Sir said I must be enjoying my freedom but it is definitely not that simple, dear readers. I would enjoy spending more time with Sir, much more than my so called freedom. I really miss Sir, I miss him after not being able to talk to him for a day. I miss his commands, guidance, words. I miss “captivity” more than I missed freedom when we were talking daily.
And that is another reason why spunking is out of the question. Only Sir deserves this pleasure and when he writes he wanked and cummed it is simply a reward for me. His freedom and my slavery.
And yes it is also something I think about - his warm, thick, manly spunk. It must taste and smell delicious. It simply must. As it is his cum, from his balls.
I do not want to get carried away here as I would soon be crawling the walls so let me perhaps move away a bit from “erotica” and once more take a look at my journey so far. It is a journey! It is not just some one time dare (and I do not want it to be, I never wanted it to be). It is a journey of an (yes I admit) inexperienced and shy boy who is slowly getting to know the world of submission, who is opening up. But not to everyone, only to the person he likes and he chose - his Master. Just like his Master chose him (thank you Sir!).
And after three months I do think I am doing well - not everything can be achieved in a day and this is also something I wanted to express by writing this diary. Basically how to start from scratch in the sub/Dom world. I do not wish to be overly smart but realistically speaking, looking back I crossed a lot of bridges, I pushed myself, I was pushed by a person I can trust. And I hope you readers can understand this and also why I focused not (just) on achievements but also fears and moments of, yes, even despair. Does this make me weak? Does my Master’s understanding, helping, talking and trusting make my Master weak? NO!!!
I am not afraid to admit that I am a late bloomer when it comes to Master-slave relationship. But I truly believe entering such a relationship is mostly about the brain, the mind. It is not (just) sex or tasks and dares. It is so much more. And I could not commit to it a few years ago when I was perhaps a bit better looking and attractive (and thinking only of getting my relief and my satisfaction. And yes, I did get it
- enough bragging.
Another important moment is trust. And trust can only be achieved through communication. This also takes time, especially if we are talking only online. Who is behind the computer? Does he have a life outside cyber world? Is he just another wanker? Maybe, dear readers, you only have good experience but I do think there are a lot of insincere people here and being careful should not be considered bad. Especially if the reward is as great as it was for me - meeting someone really special who is prepared to invest himself in steering my ship. For this I can only be grateful.
Of course hearing from you also helps so comments are still welcome, as they help me grow and learn. And they are also read by Sir who is I think always taking them into consideration.
All in all … we all seek different things and I am just glad I found what I was looking for.
Thank you for following this journey and if you continue reading perhaps you may also get to know what I bought for Sir and myself. Nothing extraordinary but still something I would not buy if I remained the same shy boy I was three months ago.
boy A