[slaveboy28]

Hello readers,

Since my last update I had another very open conversation with Sir. I think it should stay between him and me (at least for a while), so today I would like to dedicate this blog to the replies I received on the blog page.

First of all I would like to say a very big thank you to the users who posted their comments, particularly to b69. He is a very kind, open and intelligent commentator. And this helps a lot, as sometimes it feels I am in a way alone in my journey. Saying that I would like to stress that Sir is of course always there for me (thank you Sir) and is my first and only priority, but for a beginner like me (after all this is my first journey) advice or opinion from other Masters or subs helps me better understand and accept that I am not the only one with such wishes, hopes and dillemas.

And so the comments really made me think and rethink how far I got in my journey. And the answer would be far but not yet far enough. There is so much yet to be discovered and every new step just opens both new opportunities and new challenges. So how am I to achieve as much as possible (Read: how am I to bring Sir as much as possible)? I think the only way is the way proposed by b69 and which has also been deeply and naturally felt by me. To continue listening to the one who is at the centre of all this - my Sir. To strive to obey and to be obedient to Sir. He is the reason for my journey, he is the one cruising the ship, he is the one I want to please. Without him I would still be just a pathetic online wanker, not knowing my real place - to serve. So thank you very much for publicly speaking about this and reminding me of this. I felt it myself but I find it helpful to hear from other subs who have more experience that the only way a slave can grow is if he remains obedient and respectful. It may be a simple advice but a very important one and it really made me think and it also made me write this blog update.

Another important topic and lesson was that every sub also has a feeling he is going to fail. It was very helpful to hear this as sometimes this feeling really made me think I am the only one who is afraid of failing and that everyone is so much more secure in their journey, that they just do it, no matter what. That they have no dilemmas, no questions. This of course does not give me an excuse to keep failing or fearing and I will do my best to achieve what should be the only possible consequence of myself and others admitting their mistakes and fear of failing - overcome it. Accept your mistake, apologise, accept punishment, atone and try to grow. Once again this sounds simple but it is one of the hardest things in life in general (at least for me). Not to dwell on your own mistakes. I will work on this and hopefully progress also in this direction and perhaps even get rid of my all-pesimistic way of thinking.

Writing this brings me to the question I repeated in my reply to the comments, as it really stuck in my mind. Am I a punishment slut who will slip up just to get punished? Giving it a second thought, writing this blog, I would say I am definitely not. The punishments from Sir are hard and always well deserved but I never intentionally provoked them just to experience pain. Yes, I accepted the fact that I like some level of pain and pain does also bring some pleasure but not if it a consequence of a punishment. Punishments really are punishments and they hurt - both physically and mentally. Once again, they are something I do not want to receive. A reward and a kind word from Sir for doing a good job is just so much more satisfying that it never even slipped my mind to instead just slip up. I want to please Sir, not to screw up. Perhaps I also just focused too much in my blog on punishments and sometimes ignored the importance of the journey as a whole. If I wanted a punishment or to experience pain I would just ask for a dare. But there is something more, there is a great difference. The need to please Sir and to hope he will one day use me in real and thus give me a chance to really prove him I am not just some punishment slut.

Thank you readers for making me think about all this.

Thank you Sir for allowing me to reflect on the comments and for being my Master.

boy A