Hello all you fine folks of gD.
I am, well, not me, but an extremely close friend of mine (I consider her a family member) is in a bit of a pickle and has asked me for help. Sadly the advice I have given her has proven to be unfruitful.
Now, before you go reading this giant wall of text, please note that she has allowed me to ask for help on gD, and she knows about gD - even though she has asked his permission to seek out help and advice from people who she trusts, I am still unsure of how much information about him, he is willing to let the public know so, I will only give out the minimal amount of detail about her partner in this relationship,
A little background.
Ok, so my friend; she is 22 years old this year and is currently in a
long distance relationship with a guy, who is 18. They have been chatting almost daily now, from dawn 'til dusk for almost 6 months. They are very much in love, have discussed about plans about meeting up, their dreams, goals, marriage - the whole nine yards.
Their feelings for each other are strong, there is a lot of love, trusts, care, support and everything else in between.
However, for the past 2 or so months, she has been in a state of severe depression (hence making this situation a bit iffy). While he has provided her with his enormous support, she is still suffering - she has had depression before (there was very little signs of it for almost 4 years now).
The conundrum.
She is a submissive in the D/s world & a little in the Ddlg world. He is not.
He is 'vanilla' as 'vanilla' can be (I am sorry if this sound harsh, but it is the truth, my friend need help/advice so I will not sugar-coat it).
Now, I know that being a submissive and little has a difference (I won't bore you with my definitions), but she is a little and a sub. When they had their first few 'play sessions' (I only know parts of it, not the entirety), she has shown him her submissive side - she has told him that she wants to be spanked, humiliated (called names), etc. and in kind, he has returned with most of those and even written out fantasies for her (I don't know the details of these fantasies, but I can guess that they may have been on the D/s side of things) - however, as you can guess, these D/s sessions are once in a blue moon for her (and were fairly tamed/'low-keyed'). Now this wasn't an issue at the time as her fascination for D/s hadn't full grown yet.
But she slowly came to the realization that her partner preferred the more vanilla side of things the; gentler, loving and more caring side of love making/play sessions and finds being a little 'controlling/rough' distasteful.
And so everything was "fine".
Until her depression.
They were so use to their daily talks, that when the holidays came around, her partner had to leave to go on a trip with his family and this of course brought back her depression. She missed him, cried, and when they were finally back together, everything was ok for a few days (I am almost certain the excitement of being able to talk to one another was overriding her depression) - so, a few days later, her depression hit her, hard. And she told him she wanted to take a break from their relationship as she feared the it might affect him, so they split for almost a month until she couldn't take it anymore and began to send him messages again.
And thus their relationship bloomed again, but this time it bloomed into one who he would try to support her as much as he could, until a few days later, he uttered the words; 'My little [Her name]' - She instantly messaged me that night, after they were done talking, about what she had felt and asked me why and of course the first thing came to my mind was that; she being a sub and had just discovered her 'little' side. So I took care of her as a little for that night and the next just to be sure that she was a little and not just a misinterpretation on my end. We had a few discussions about what it meant to be a little, I asked her to visit gD and showed her '
Searching for Littles / Caregivers' thread and it resonated with her. So she told him about the site and her little side - albeit, she was reluctant as she knew he hated the BDSM scene. And now comes the problem: she has admitted to him that she didn't mind the D/s style of love making and was willing to compromise and that their love life would turn to vanilla; so they tried a vanilla play style after a month of not talking to each other. She told me that while she did orgasm, it wasn't as 'powerful' as when she was having a D/s play session with her partner. She told him this, she said sorry and he comforted her, bringing the 'little side' out of her for that night.
Now bare in mind he doesn't know how to take care of a little, he has visited the gD site and has told her to steer clear of this site as he feared her 'little' state of mind was brought on by her depression and that once the depression has been taken care of, her love for D/s and being in a ddlg frame of mind would go away as well and that this site was 'unhealthy' for her.
Every time they discuss about their problem with the BDSM scene, and her trying to 'get rid' of it, she would feel as if they are slowly moving further and further away from each other. This 'issue' (him not liking BDSM and her desire to get rid of it for him) had been discussed between the two for almost for a week now, every single night and it has, somehow became the main topic of their talk. They hardly have any 'normal' conversations as they once had. And tonight, she told me that she had hit a new low in their relationship. She told me that
while they still both love each other very much, she is beginning to have doubts as to whether they can work as couple, 'work' being; one requires the care of a daddy and the other being repulsed by it as a whole.
She has told him that being a submissive in a play session isn't important, but her being a little is, as being a little actually affects how her life is (ability to cook, take care of herself, her needs, stuff like ability to drive while in a little frame of mind, etc).
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So my question and the thing that I need help with, after this wall of text is;
- Can you have a stable relationship where one of the partner who is a submissive and little, and the other will not touch in this type of 'lifestyle' (she told me that he said; "Love making has to be gentle, loving and caring. How could pain be sexual?")?
- If you were the submissive/little, and you had a partner like hers, would you be able to maintain a stable relationship? or would you go find someone else (bare in mind she can easily slip in and out of a 'little' frame of mind)?
- Any help or advice as to how we can convince her partner to look into how to take care of a little (at the minimum) or how she can 'get rid' of her little side (My experience in how a lg thinks is minimal, so I am unsure if this is possible or not).
- Any other advice for the couple?
That is all for now.
(Future questions will be posted as an update on this thread)
I would like to say thank you first, for everyone's help & advice. It means a great deal to me as a friend and I am sure it means the world to these two young adults.