[interesting]

It's an established fact, at least to me, that once you hit a low, you can either go lower or start climbing back up. It may simply be common sense. Regardless, I had just hit a low. I had never been kissed. It really only bothered me when I was around other people that had done it.

Fortunately, my short chat with Danielle had reinvigorated me. I didn't want to keep wallowing in my self-pity, not here and now, not under this roof. Had I been alone at my house, I would probably have indulged myself. But I was not in a place where I could control my environment. I had Rita, Danielle and Paul waiting outside. I had to keep going. And I really did want to keep having fun.

I got back outside and walked back towards the fire. I head Rita and Danielle talking as I got nearer. When I finally spotted them, I noticed that Paul was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Paul?"
"He's in the woods..."

The backwoods were immense; at night, it would be impossible for me track him. I listened for sounds of him but couldn't make out any.

"Why?"
"He said he'd be back."

I sat back down in my chair. Rita and Danielle seemed involved in their conversation so I decided not to interrupt them. I lost myself in my train of thought for a moment, until Rita called out to me.

"Frank?"
"Yeap?"
"You've never kissed a girl?"

I sighed. Why did she have to bring that up again?

"No. Never happened."
"Why?"
"I don't know. Just because... I guess."
"You never played spin the bottle or anything like that?"
"As I said before, no."

Rita seemed perplexed as if such a thing didn't exist; I didn't fit neatly into her version of the world apparently.

"I'm sure you've had opportunities, though."
"No. I don't think so."

Again, her stare told me she didn't believe me. I felt obligated to elaborate, even if it meant worsening my case.

"Look, Rita... I've never had a girlfriend, every girl I've ever asked out on date has said no... I've never played kissing games, never been dared to do it... and I won't simply go up to someone and kiss them for the fun of it."
"What do you want your first kiss to be like?"

That specific question took me in a different direction; I had actually never really thought about that one and it forced me to think about it.

"Well... huh..."

My indecision made her smile. She waited for my answer.

"It has to be with someone I like. I don't know that I want it to be special or anything."

My eyes veered towards Danielle. She was apparently paying very close attention to the conversation but not intervening. I wanted to know what was rattling inside her mind but I let it go.

"Should we do another turn of truths?" Rita asked.
"Shouldn't we wait for Paul?"
"I guess so."

We waited for a moment longer before hearing footsteps in the woods, heading towards the fire. Paul came into view and waved to me.

"Hey!"
"Hey."

For some reason, Paul's arrival irritated me. How odd was it to have these reactions right now?

"So what's going on?"
"We were going to keep playing."
"Nah... I don't want to anymore. Frank, let's go inside and play some game."
"Sure."

Why did I say that when I really wanted to stay outside and keep chatting with the girls? But it seemed more appropriate to remain with Paul. It didn't feel as comfortable as before but it was the right thing to do.

"Danielle, you put out the fire before going in."
"Sure."

Paul and I walked back to the house.

"Glad to be rid of them."
"It was kind of fun."
"A little, yeah. But wait until you see what I can do in the game..."

We sat down in the living room; Paul played the game while I watched. I didn't feel like playing at all. I was wondering what Danielle and Rita were doing outside. After a while, they came back in; Danielle told Paul she had put out the fire. They retreated to her room up the stairs. As Paul played on, I became irritated at simply watching him play.

"I want to go swimming again."
"Well I don't want to."

It was an impass for me. It was his house. His rules. There wasn't much I could do about it. To help pass the time, I retrieved my guitar from his room, sat myself on the couch and played a few chords while he played with his game engine. It wasn't one of our finer moments.

Eventually, he decided he'd had enough of playing.

"Man, I'm beat..."

I didn't answer him.

"You still want to go swimming?"
"Well, yeah, but... I have to leave tomorrow right after lunch, and we'll probably get up late tomorrow morning, so I won't have time to go."
"Well, if you feel like it, you can always go. I don't want to, but I'll just go on my computer and work on some stuff. You can join me after your swim."
"Sure you don't mind?"
"Nah! It's cool. You didn't really want to come inside, did you?"
"Not really."
"I was cold... and it's my sister, so...."
"I get that."

I did get it, having two brothers myself. As Paul retreated to his room and his things, I put my guitar away and retrieved my swimming trunks and a towel, and dragged all of it to his swimming area, where I got changed and dove right into the water. I would at least have the opportunity to swim one more time before going home.

There was something about this visit that was unsettling to me. I was finally coming to terms with the notion that, despite our shared past and stories, given the distance that separated us, Paul and I were growing apart, and this might be the last time I actually came to visit him. It seemed somewhat inevitable. I was ending high school and going to college; he would still be in high school, in his final year. The stories still fascinated me and kept me alive; to him, it was his music and his new friend. We could relate to some respects in our love of music and stories, but the truth was that the elements that divided us were more numerous now than the ones that kept us close. His life was so different from mine, I couldn't really relate to him anymore.

I was pondering these things, swimming around the pool, when my eyes turned to the entrance to the swimming area: I saw Rita and Danielle, both in their swimsuits, staring back at me.

"Hi. Can we join?"

From Rita's tone, I could tell that her question was not as innocent as it sounded. Danielle's eyes darted away from me. I felt as if I was being cornered. Who knew what they had talked about in Danielle's room? But the truth was, I didn't care what was going on. I wanted to swim. And I wanted to cherish this moment because I felt it slipping away forever.

"Come in girls. The water is fine."

My nonchalance surprised me. I saw them walk into the water, and somehow I knew that something was going to happen; something was going to alter our relationships in the next few moments.

I felt the water get a bit colder as they entered it, but it was clearly my imagination playing tricks on me.