[joht2891]

Introduction was too much 'Jordan biased'; it seemed that a professional footballer was playing with a bunch of kids. Now it seems that the story is picking up. The story's plot looks to be fine. Try not to make it as a whole paragraph (the first two chapters were better) for the ease of reading.

I'm just trying to give some constructive advice; and it's because I'm liking the story, because otherwise I would have said nothing

Keep it up!