3 types of submission
 

Okay i wanted to post this on my blog page but seems it is still down, I will post here..


I have read and read lost of post here people have been saying there slave. And i do think many don't understand what Slave means.

Before you read, Please don't give me grief as this is just a brief guide on what i have read and seen..

In the BDSM lifestyle there are largely three different types of submissives, and when speaking to them, they will tell you with pride which they are and why. The following is a small idea of the differences, in no way giving all the details that are involved with the vast array of men and women that submit.

Submissive - As a submissive you are in the first tier lets say of a Dominant/submissive lifestyle. You submit to your Master, you give up control for long periods of time. However you have your opinions and your choices and you can still make them. Say you do the dishes and pay the bills, these things usually are still under your control. It changes only during set times and parameters. There is also the thought of the "power balance" between dominant and submissive. Meaning that in a submissive role although you give up the control the power is really still 50/50 just in a different setting and under more intense circumstances. Sex is usually a large part of this relationship and mostly where the submission enters in. Now don't get me wrong the intensity is still strong and the punishments and pain are real and overwhelming however you have more of an option to stop and this doesn't spill over into the everyday that much.

Slave - As a slave control is given up completely. The power balance is completely tipped in the Dominants direction. However keep in mind this is a choice the slave makes not something she/he was made to do. Slaves usually are slaves 24/7. They may work but when they get home there is no distinction from normal day to a BDSM day, that person is always a slave from the day they ask for that. As a slave sex is still very real and alive however not always the goal and not needed for the Dominant and slave to be in that persona. As a slave the lifestyle is usually more intense in pain, humiliation and just pure pleasure. Something to remember however is that as a slave this does not mean if the Dominant asks you to break the law or hurt yourself that you should obey on a whim. If a Dominant is asking you to do things that are against the law or against your moral values than he or she is not a true dominant.

Pet - This hasn't always been a classification of a submissive person and is still controversial in some circles. A pet is more on the side of a slave except for one large difference, sex does not have to be involved. In many cases it is not. If you have become a pet it is to give up yourself and obey, you gain pleasure from the control and the obeying not from sexual play. There can be play but it is rare in this kind of lifestyle. This submission is one of the most dangerous because you can lose yourself mentally because you so rarely have thoughts of your own, you usually do not work and although you may discuss things with your Dominant he is last say in all things.

Ultimately the deeper you go into submission the stronger you have to be which of course is peculiar since you have to give up more of your control with each level. But you have to be very sure of yourself to give up every ounce of control and thought. Taking each step is serious and should never be taken light by the Dominant and submissive, especially if you want to remain safe, sane, and consensual.

I was gonna post something like this yesterday, defining the differences between slave and subs. It always annoys me when someone PMs me and asks me to be their chat dare slave.... (I could end the sentence there...) and then I have to make the distinction that I'm a sub.

And it just IRKS my nerves when someone asks what's the difference?

Are you kidding me? People like this aren't worthy of submitting to. And when someone asks this question, I usually ignore them from that moment on. I disagree on what you said about subs though. It isn't merely sexual (though for most, that is a huge difference). For example, married couples can play D/s and incorporate it into their lifestyles.

The main difference for me is that a sub has limits, and can say no to something that they aren't interested in trying. They can use safe words and say no if it comes to that point.

A slave on the other hand, must (or at least they should, I think) submit fully. With this comes a certain extent of trust, and their Dom isn't allowed to take advantage of it.

At least, that's how I see it. I think for me it's purely sexual. So, I don't understand the emotional dynamics involved.

@bodacious,

It is only a rough guide, It is just a guide to help others understand some of the differences as i know many don't know that there is

This is a very good basic guide. :D

While this is a fantastic start, the part of the slave is incorrect. While it is 24/7/365, there are still safe words, they still have the ability to say no.

Submissive isn't always about sex, BDSM in general isn't just about sex. It's about a power exchange between the dominant and the submissive. Also, there's a guide like this already which goes much more in depth. This would be a good addition to it, just PM Star Shadows and she will try to include it.

While i agree with your general idea of people using therms very freely and that this can be confusing. Especially but not limited to the site here. And that it would help if they don't i also have some problems with your definitions.
They are sure not wrong but some parts feel a bit off.

I think that is a very good and true point. Submissive is about power exchange. Not really a first step or connected with any special thing.
Sex can be part of it or not.

A Submissive needs to experience some sort of power exchange to feel complete. This can range from small things to almost everything. The title Submissive just states that the person needs to have it in some form present.

Also i have a very mixed feeling to Slave definitions in general. This may be coming from being German and seeing words in a bit different light because of translation changes in meaning. But i know many definitions of what people define a slave as that differ in many aspects.
So far i only saw one point that seams to be present in all, and that is the idea of ownership.
A Master/slave relationship is a form of Dominant/Submissive relationship that is seeing ownership as a major part. Not so much about how far the power exchange goes.

What you describe as Slave is in my eyes a submissive that is into total power exchange. And while i see your reason to use the label Slave there. I find the therm "Total power exchange" as more useful and clear.

Also i see one point missing that in my experience is sometimes the bigger problem. The difference between a Submissive and a Button. In real live I personally see in general more people label themselves falsely as submissive because they are a button than people using the label slave wrong.

Wanting to be tied down or spanked or to be humiliated doesn't make you automatically submissive.