What are the warning signs of a bad online play partner?
 

In another Truth thread I started (my attempt to explore the legend of the broken cell phone camera) people keep mentioning the need of subs to lie sometimes because of pushy or rude "doms." I thought it might be interesting then to start a thread and ask, what are your warning signs that you've picked a bad play partner? For both doms and subs, what do online play partners do that warn you things are not going to end well?

Little to no communication after initial contact.

Ah. The dreaded fade-away. Are we still playing? Did you get hurt? Did you just lose interest? Did a tidal wave drag you out to sea?

I hate that. :)

As a sub: not respecting boundaries. Trying to negotiate your limits like you have those limits for fun. Being too pushy and demanding explanations for everything and then don't believe you when you do give one. Being borderline obsessive thinking you're around to play 24/7 and will get mad if you take longer than 5 mins to respond.

These are traits of an abuser, not a Dom. Unfortunately they seem way too common for a lot of "doms" online.

I agree with allykat.

I'll add: no safeword, and a too fast procedure and the worst "doms" they don't think about health and safety and demand dangerous things.

I don't get the negotiations over limits. What fun is it if your partner is uncomfortable and anxious? I've occasionally pushed limits of partners before, but that's only with long-term play partners, and lots (and lots) of trust and communication before hand.

And the 24/7 thing is universal I think. Sometimes I just need to do laundry or pick up the kids. :)

Pushing limits can be fun and exciting, but as you say, you need to have a lot of trust for each other before doing that, and also need to be able to communicate properly. I think people like that simply don't care which again is more a thing an abuser would do, not a dom.

Definitely. It's like people forget that most people have work and/or school and other real life responsibilities that has to take priority over some random person online. I get that it can be a bit annoying if you're having a conversation then one person suddenly stops responding without saying anything, but expecting it to be like that all the time is just silly.

Consistently showing no to little respect for your limits and boundaries especially if you haven't asked them to try push you through some of them. Like i had a dom who wanted passwords and usernames to everything and all details about me for blackmail despite me just wanting a dom to have some leverage to encourage me to do certain things. He pushed it to far i had to say no eventually and put my foot down.

No communication
Constantly pushing against limits (I state them to start don't like them go else where)
No actual care
Asking impossible things (had someone ask me to eat my own bum)
Complains if you get sick or have something else to do

Eat your own bum...:eek:

I don't even...

Wow.

Like everything else she does, this is really good! Thanks for linking it. :)

The ones who think they own you after 2 messages always bother me

nope
 

wife & I almost never do anything online unless we know who it is and they are friends or etc.. Otherwise never. As far as video... as far as GD or similar its anoumous enough

like yui said. UGH i hate when someone messages me and right out the gate theyre calling me names (i am NOT into degradation at all) and talking to me like they own me.

Dont get me wrong, i like receiving tasks/dares but unless youre my dom and we're in the middle of a session, you need to speak to me with some respect. I'm a fucking human. and unless youre my dom, *****I***** get to decide if I want to do a task or not.

Like others have said, the 24/7 thing. man, i work full time and go to school full time. literally i usually only have an hour or two to talk a day so quit messaging me while im at work and getting pissy when I say no because i dont want to get my ass fired. I know it can be annoying being basically never able to talk but unless youre willing to pay me to be available 24/7, i gotta pay my bills somehow im just taking tasks for fun.

limit crossing too. ive had dumbasses claim theyre 'strict' masters when in reality that meant that they dont give a fuck about my limits. had a dude demand as 'punishment' for not being able to do one thing that i had to do a task involving a VERY hard limit for me. when i said no he became abusive and i tried to compromise but he was such a dick about it that i blocked his ass

people who refuse to compromise on a task, particularly public ones. what you may consider a reasonable task may err on a side im not comfortable with but would be willing to do under certain different circumstances. ex: I refuse to do public nudity dare because I dont want to be arrested but may consider something within the relative safety of home or like a bathroom stall/changing room or like drive at night in my undies but not totally naked