I can understand that paranoia, and to some extend its justified.
When setting up a gmail account on your phone it can very well accidentally happen that your real name gets attached to it.
I actually had that happen with a sub i was communicating with.
To be honest, i felt very guilty.
I had asked to switch to gmail after having used pm for a week or so, and then her real name showed up.
I never abused it, but i can soo very imagine how afraid she was... Especially since that happened after we we communicating for only 1 week.

Personally i strictly use my second gmail account via a browser different from my normal browser

More than likely, never. I've had similar situations and it's just ridiculous!

That is becoming more of a problem, I think. I know a few females have quit the site because they feel attacked by men getting angry that they are rejecting their requesting.

I think it is justified. Especially if you are new, you don't want your newly found lifestyle to be exploited to someone's will and have your identity & safety put at risk.

I would be scared out of my mind! It's a good thing that you never abused it because if that was never the intention of displaying her real name, then I would not have wanted to share any information with anyone ever again through getDare!

It IS scary like hell.
That is why i wanted to say this, just to let others know.
Not abusing is just naturally, i dont even consider it "good", more like "extremely bad" if one would. But still,... If she would have hit one of the morons we are discussing here...........

(And just for the record, no, it is not my pet who made this mistake, we still don't know each others rl)


Having said all this.....
And now?........ Will we ask a modification?... Like what?.... Or for now just ranting about it (could be ok)? ..... Make a poll?... Just learn how to efficiently deal with it?

I was hoping that a getDare staff member would look at this thread and some proposed ideas, specifically at staff for certain areas of the site, and chime in on their thoughts, as to what is & isn't possible.

I did read something about reputation on getdare, but maybe it's an old topic I found on Google.
Good or bad reputations could be earned by other people voting on it. It showed up in the user profile. Seems like a good idea; if someone
makes a nuisance of himself, you should be able to give a negative vote, that shows up publicly.

That idea would be great, but there are flaws. I think that it would be helpful, at times, but people can easily just give a negative vote for something.

Say if Billy Bob asks Jasmine permission to cum. Jasmine is not willing to give him permission. Billy Bob begs and pleads and Jasmine says that she doesn't want to give him permission. Billy Bob becomes angry at Jasmine, telling her that she needs to give him permission, but Jasmine denies and says that she no longer wishes to talk. Billy Bob now votes for a negative vote on Jasmine's profile.

Jasmine has done nothing wrong, but Billy Bob decided to give her a negative vote anyway, making her look bad.

I agree with hornyyoungslut (well, I always agree with horny young sluts, but that's beside the point). I have been a member of forums where the reputation system is used, and it inevitably results in flame wars. People become more concerned about who down-voted them and why, and discussions get unnecessarily heated. Sometimes even threads get spawned with topics like, "Zap xxx because of yyy".

Reputation rarely helps solve this kind of issue.

As you can see form my signature, I do get annoyed by these kind of messages. I have been sent nude photos as well as desperate please to be a mistress. I don't think I have to deal with this as much as other female users do, but I do find that when I do have to deal with it, I get annoyed and then I am not pleasant for a time following. I tend to go into B**** mode and handle it that way, or I simply choose not to respond. Either way, I think the behavior is uncalled for and it can be happening on both sides.

If you know how a woman is when she goes through the dating process, I feel that is how some of us on here figure out the guys we want to talk to and the people we may eventually want to have a d/s relationship if we want one at all.

Also as a person who is not looking for anything due to the time constraints in my life, assuming everyone on this site is either a dom, sub, a switch, or some version there of, is the wrong assumption to make. My original interest in this site was just because I wanted to try some things that I have not really tried before and I wanted to have another person involved so that I didn't have to keep coming up with dares and tasks for myself. My intention when joining was not to form a d/s relationship, it was mainly to learn, read, and try new things.

As far as preventing this though, I agree with others. I do not think there is an effective way to get rid of this problem especially when people do not read signatures and rules. I tried the red text in hopes that it would persuade people against contacting me throughout pm, but it has also limited the contact with people that I have at the same time.

Wow, did I ever open a can of worms, but in my opinion it needed opening.

I have just flash read the on going conversation and although it has wondered around a bit, it is noticeable that not a single mod has replied but, that doesn't mean they are not reading this thread.

Create your own button, I didn't know I could. I am not computer literate when it comes to creating things and that why it takes me forever to do anything. With respect there will be males and females just like me on this site.

An auto reply f.o. and die message sounds fun and it was suggested it was simple code. I will beg to be unclear as to how that is done.

I also didn't know that you have the option to report someone but as I understand it, you have to access someones profile to do it.

I saw the idea that when someone joins they have to wait a few days or a couple of weeks to be able to pm. I liked this but as was pointed out it wouldn't bother those we are trying to discourage and probably put off those we want.

None of us want the site to be a pay site, it does work well, so why not have the idea of volunteer mods. There are people who are on the site everyday.
I am not saying give them the power that the mods who work for the site get but make them available to be able to help out when any female newbie or long term member starts getting hassled. Perhaps a signing in thread to show that they are on site and available ?

Alternatively have a simple name and shame thread to which names of people who send these messages are added?

To report a pm. Look at the very top, it's on the top right. Can do it straight from the pm, thread post, and from profile.

Don't think name and shame would work. Same thing as hornyyoungslut said would happen. So Billy begs to cum, person says no, Billy begs again and no then Billy shames the person.

The thing with volunteer mods, it likes. Long as the requirements ain't lowered down for them. It remembers that a mod stated they don't get paid so the mods are already volunteers but they probably need more.

But you got to remember, some people don't want the responsibility of being a mod. Even if of just one thing.

There are also tons of loyal users who want nothing more than this site to be at its best potential, who are active everyday, and who are more than willing to volunteer to help the mods and admins. The fact that they are understaffed with mods just makes me want to help the getDare staff even more with the issues that are arising.

If this sounds condescending, then so be it... but I'm continually shocked at how this site seems to contain a bubble of people who don't know how to secure their identity. Maybe because there are a lot of very young people on this site? Still, in 2016, you'd think everybody on line would know to make separate anonymous accounts for cyber-play outside of their regular social media and e-mail accounts. I must be missing something.

True, but i actually would not want pm to be moderated.
- it would slow down communication, moderation will take hours or more
- i would not like moderators to read all my pm. I know they can and will in case of problems, but i would not want them to be part of my communication if not needed.

I think that my idea is being misconstrued. My idea is for loyal user of getDare to volunteer to moderate reported PMs, specifically. I know that mods and admins do that already, but it is not being addressed as much and is being neglected.

With these volunteer PM mods, they would not have access to reading all PMs, but only the reported ones so that action can be taken if one PM user is being aggressive, abusing the rules, and etc.

O yes,... Understood wrong.
-->> that i would support greatly!

But actually i was under impression reported pm's would be followed up already. Just thought not so much people report because its quite an emotional barrier.
Reporting someoen (even if he was jerkish), still feels like completely throwing someone from the site. Its a barrier.

Maybe allow to "penaltize" a pm.
Once someone has 10 penalties next "penaltized" pm's get published on a "shame and blame" thread.

(The fun thing, dont need a moderator for that :) )

1 penalty gets substracted per week.

I dont think that shame and blame threads are allowed on the site

My idea for people who abuse the power of the PMs and use it as an outlet to break getDare rules is that the PM mod would give the wrongful user a warning that their actions/words will not be tolerated and give them a temp ban from using PM for the day.

Well, we could name that thread the:
"Look at the nice message i got" thread.

After all, nothing on that thread would be something the poster typed, it would just be something the sender typed.

Thinking about the idea,
If only we had a button in the pm system next to the reply button: [post this pm on the "look at the nice message i got" thread].

I would support that

This doesn't have much to do with the thread, but I'd argue that it's primarily the older people of the internet that don't understand how to do this. Young people are (or can be, idk about other places in the world) taught how to stay safe on the internet and create emails in school, whereas the internet is still a mystery to a lot of the older generation. Young people generally think they're invincible on the internet, so being anonymous is very important to them.

Well also, a girl (or a guy but mostly girls) should not have to feel like they have to be anonymous for their own safety on a website like this. They should not have to worry about being stalked or harassed by people on here or blackmailed. Maybe if we focused more on that than on hiding our identities then we could have more fun.

I agree, but the internet simply isn't as innocent as that. I wish we could all have fun on our favourite websites and not have to worry about our safety and anonymity, but there will always be creepy assholes there to prevent that from happening. Girls do face the absolute worst of it one websites like these and despite using them for a long time it still disgusts me the way guys beg for their attention, but they just don't stop coming I'm afraid.

I've also yet to encounter a website that has a good solution to the PM problems discussed in this thread, but it just seems impossible to completely filter out all of the shitposts. On this website, there is an option to only receive PMs from contacts and mods but I understand why some people don't like the idea of that.

You really need to worry about your safety just about anywhere on the Internet. Several years ago, while I was in grad school, I had an argument with someone in a news group who tracked me down using just my email address and a paper I wrote that was posted on the net, and he made some trouble for me.

On a website LIKE THIS you say... websites like this are magnets for creeps, fakes, and flakes. I am active on a number of adult and fetish websites and getDare has a pretty high ratio of dubious characters in my experience. Any place where there is adult content and free accounts is a place where you want to protect yourself as much as possible.

Yes I understand this, but my point is that this is a problem and we shouldnt have to be struggling to protect ourselves and using fake emails and accounts just so that some creepy guy can't stalk us

I agree with you that it shouldn't be a problem, but it's been a problem for ages and probably always will be. Earlier I talked about having paid accounts to reduce creeps and trolls, but on one of my sites that has paid premium accounts, there are actually trolls who make multiple paid accounts, at $20 each mind you, so they can troll with less fear of getting deleted (premium accounts are harder to sanction on that site).

Ironically, it's not only anonymity (or, better said, pseudonymity) that protects us when needed, it is the anonymity of the Internet that allows the worst elements of society to flourish unchecked. People have proposed a space on the web where you need to register your real identity to have an account and use protected sites, but obviously a site like this would die in such a space.

You mean like paypal?

Well not quite. It has been proposed that people can choose to verify their identity with their ID and log on using a card with a chip in it and a PIN. I have something like it at work. When I log on, that card has my info on it, I can't fake who I am to the system. Assholes aren't just a problem here, it's a problem on Facebook, on comment sites everywhere, on review sites... the idea is that if I post a message as John Q. Doe, email address [email protected], and everybody sees that because it is tied to me log-on, I am going to be civil because there can be consequences if I post really rude, false, or inflammatory stuff.

You have to protect yourself using fake emails and accounts. You also have to lock your doors and windows when you sleep. You also shouldn't leave your valuables unattended.

There is no utopia. We all need to take care of ourselves, or face the consequences. Those who can't take very basic precautions to protect their identity shouldn't be on the internet in the first place.

Unwanted attentions
 

As with all sites it is going to happen. There are those who come here to spam, those who come here for drama, and then there are a few of us who are here for the lifestyle.

Maybe a greeter system, where a select few are assigned the job of welcoming new members, advising them about how to use the site responsibly, and warning about the "unwanted" attention and how to deal with it.

While I have been a member for a few years, I have not had a huge amount of interaction due to rl getting in the way. That being said I have made a few friends here, who I regularly interact with.

Hopefully we can get the site back to the greatness it was intended for.


Just my 2 cents worth.

I dont lock my doors, dorm room, car or anything like that. Maybe we just grew up in 2 different places

I'm not sure will ever find an answer to this. I mean to be fair I probably don't get it as bad as younger girls in their late teens / early 20s as I'm sure they will get more attention than someone approaching 30 lol

But as a relatively open switch / dome I do still get a fair few annoying pms, some I can hardly believe! Doesn't seem to matter how many times I say I have a sub and don't want another.

I do understand it is tough for some guy's, due to the ratio of sub guy's and dome girls, but I can't really help that.

But another thing that hasn't really been mentioned here that I find annoying is when I'm in chat. The number of pm requests and whispers I get, which I find frustrating when I'm trying to chat too others.

I still don't know why there can't be a permanent ignore feature in chat, why when you leave and then come back it no longer ignores them. As it is very annoying to have to re-ignore someone every time they turn up in chat. This would not solve the problem, as most are different people, but would help.
(on a side note would also help me not to have to see a certain person's ass, who insists on posting pics in chat sometimes several times a day!)

Because the gD Chat can't be changed. I believe it's a (what can be called) plugin.

Unfortunately, that is a truth.:o

Frankly from my (admittedly) limited time on here so far it's been the soliciting messages from people claiming to be Doms that's been the issue!

Especially the ones who automatically seem to assume that pictures are an automatic right - um no I don't know you from d***, you aren't getting images until we at least build up some sort of rapport and even then if I decide to send photos they aren't to be automatic, or an inherent part of the scene, and will maintain my anonymity.

Demanding that I record a video of myself cumming for you is not a good way to prove you are a good dom during our very first attempt at a scene - especially when I'm attempting to at least vaguely stick to the anonymous/common sense safety aspects of using the internet.

Yea, well I feel for the girl, but I also get killed by the guys too, asking me to be there Master, my kik account has a huge ban listing.

As how to correct the problem, a 5.00 annual card to a credit card would work, or even a dollar. Prove the person ID, gets rid of the minors, and stops people from making fake accounts or double or triple accounts, get rid of the one girl with 00 accounts. Once your banned, your banned.

Any BDSM site, that has anything free, has major crap going on. ALT has all the sweetheart scammers. Collar Space, has Everything, any type of scam, it's going down on the site. Slave Farm, well that site is pretty much dead, also is the house of chains.

I would be willing to pay 10 dollars a year, just not to have a augment with a guy telling him that I'm not interested in guys, and only women, then hear him explain, on how good he is pretending on being a women. What a pain in the ass.

Also I noticed all the women that contact me, to be there Master thru kik have 0 posts, or under 20 and have been around for a while, over 6 months, there scared shitless, because of all the crazies on the site.

Lots of good points made, just use your common sense and trust your gut feelings, just like in real life.

I am a male sub and I think you are correct. Every time I see a female post it is flocked with be my mistress I would love to serve you and if I had be my master be my master everytime I am looking to have a bit of fun I would stop visiting this site. I knew a female sub who used this site and I know her in real life she has got rid of her kik stopped using the site and quit BDSM all together just because people thought that she wants to dom everyone. But I have seen my fair share of female doms being money scams and that puts me off looking.