A random assortment of reports, thoughts, ramblings and information. Pretty much a view inside my wonderfully complicated, sometimes broken, and entertaining mind.
Struggling
I. AM. STRUGGLING.
I am overwhelmed.
Who knew that adulting would be this hard. Should it be this hard?
I am always the person that others come to lean on. I am the person who my family relies on. To keep them sane. To fix their problems. To comfort them.
But what if I can't?
What happens when the person who is holding everybody together, can't do it any longer?
It is too hard. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I CAN do.
I am lost.
I am speechless.
I am alone.
I can't be strong for other people because I am weak.
But I keep doing it. Because who else will?
I just wish I could do more. Say more.
But at the same time I just want to crawl into a ball and be taken care of myself.
I am scared.
I am helpless.
I am lost.
I. AM. STRUGGLING.
I am overwhelmed.
Who knew that adulting would be this hard. Should it be this hard?
I am always the person that others come to lean on. I am the person who my family relies on. To keep them sane. To fix their problems. To comfort them.
But what if I can't?
What happens when the person who is holding everybody together, can't do it any longer?
It is too hard. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I CAN do.
I am lost.
I am speechless.
I am alone.
I can't be strong for other people because I am weak.
But I keep doing it. Because who else will?
I just wish I could do more. Say more.
But at the same time I just want to crawl into a ball and be taken care of myself.
I am scared.
I am helpless.
I am lost.
I. AM. STRUGGLING.
Total Comments 7
Comments
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Dear Butterfly,
You are so strong and beautiful. I don't know your situation, and it's not any of my business.. I hope you are alright.
Would it be alright if I said that this is a temporary state? It is going to pass. You are only human and need to take care of yourself first. You can not take on everyone's emotions and things all the time.
Gotta practice mindfulness and breathing. One step at a time and in the moment. Find the tiny things that make you smile.
I hope it gets better soon for you.
Very Respectfully,
StarPosted 05-24-2017 at 12:37 PM by starbaby13 
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Heĺlo Butterfly,
Sometimes when you are needing others to help you, those that rely on you seem to become more needy, selfish in someways, oblivious to you and your problems.
Being the adult is hard and that you are feeling it because you are low but, being the adult is also finding the way back, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
I have no idea what has brought you low but with experience I find music helps, though others would say prayer does too.
I have a song that helped me through something personal when I was feeling the way you do. It helped me find a path and enabled me to begin to balance my life so that I could manage what others expected of me.
It's not a metal song though you would be forgiven for thinking so and the chorus became my first tattoo.
The song is Best I Can by Art of Dying.
I hope it helps you in the way it helped me.
Joker50Posted 05-24-2017 at 01:45 PM by Joker50
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OK!!!
Please....
adult is a partime job!
make time "not to be leaned on"
make time to sink in the sofa
make time to let go
make time to STOP doing
make time to be speechless
make time to be lost
make time to be alone
make time to be weak
make time not to worry about who is doing it if you don't
make time stop doing more
make time to stop saying more
make time to crawl in a ball, take care of yourself, love yourself
make time to be helpless
make time to be scared
make time to be lost
make time to struggle.
===
differently phrased...... make time to be human.
and after having done that for a while,... be super againPosted 05-24-2017 at 04:32 PM by sir sam
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I am cursed with the same "fixing" disorder.
Sometimes you have to admit you can't fix everything or make it better
Sometimes you have to enable other by leaving them to sort out their own shit
Sometimes you have to admit you might need help and support yourself and accept it
Sometimes you have to accept that it's ok to ask for help yourself
Sometimes you have to be selfish
Sometimes you have to walk away from someone that won't help themselves
Sometimes you have to accept you don't have all the answers
Sometimes you have to accept you're human and vulnerable
Sometimes you have to let life and fate and karma do their thing
Sometimes you have to stop struggling and fighting the world
Sometimes you have to reach out to a stranger and offload
Sometimes it's fine to have doubts, fears and worries
Sometimes you have to remember that things will change and everything, including yourself, is gonna be okPosted 05-25-2017 at 12:02 AM by Masterwants
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Butterfly, you are ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. Please please please don't ever forget that. You are so strong and anyone who says otherwise should go fuck themselves because they don't deserve you in their lives. It's ok to have wavering moments and be worried, that's part of living. That doesn't make you ANY less strong.
You can be speechless, lost, scared, helpless, struggling, but never ever think you're alone. I know there are a lot of people on here who love you to death and want you to be the happiest woman alive so please, if you ever need a listening ear, like I said before, we are all here for you!
Sending lots of love, cuddles, and hearts your way!Posted 05-25-2017 at 09:43 AM by kila
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Butterfly just know you are perfect in every way! So what if you cant fix every problem. Think of all those countless problems you have solved and the people you helped. Focus on those rather then the ones you couldn't.
If the person holding you together cant then look no further then your friends! We will all give you a big group hug and squeeze you tight enough so you don't fall apart. If you are lost we will form a search party and find you. You have all of us supporting you so you are never ever alone.
Worry about taking care of your self before trying to help others. It isn't fair to you that you end up worn down trying to help your friends when you need help yourself. You know you can always turn to me whenever you need someone to talk to, to just listen, or to help you with whatever it is you need. Even if you cant talk you can just make the blushy face and curl up close like a kitten and get all the cuddles you want.Posted 05-25-2017 at 10:20 AM by Shadowice
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I know I've been gone a long while. I have a few comments (don't want to be overbearing).
This is okay. It is okay to be overwhelmed. It is not abnormal in any way, shape or form.
It was recently mental health week. Do not be scared to speak of your own (as you have here). Do feel comfortable with approaching medical professionals to see if it's something more or that can be alleviated.
You are not alone in this. lilone has recently discovered how severe this has been for me. I can be overwhelmed at times by having to move to be more comfortable or breathe more easily - it can be too much for me to handle. And I am not mentally weak, as many can attest to.
You are strong, but this is not a failure. Well done for allowing yourself to speak up of it.Posted 05-25-2017 at 03:18 PM by DoingMyBest
