Sub Drop Can Happen At ANY Time!
Recently I wrote this blog/report on a recent custom orgasm task AM had me do.
For us it was especially mild play, we have done ALOT of things that are much more intense and I haven't dropped after them. But this time, for no apparent reason, I dropped and I dropped hard.
Only a few minutes after I had cleaned myself up I was hit with a feeling of overwhelming sadness and passed on playing games (non kink) with AM, which is something I always really enjoy. When I passed he knew something wasn't quite right and asked what I would want to do if I could choose anything. I told him I would choose not to cry and have no idea why I was crying. Because by this time I was crying and I didn't even know why.
AM stayed with me, distracted me, cheered me up, let me choose what I wanted to do and made sure I had something sugary to eat and drink and soon the tears had stopped and I was feeling a little better. I assumed I was now okay.
Skip forward to the next morning and I was so grumpy! I was sad again, tears came for no reason and I spent the better part of the day alternating between tears, anger and thinking negative thoughts about myself. Knowing that this was subdrop didn't make it any easier, knowing it would pass didn't make it any easier and knowing the cause of it didn't make it easier to handle. Instead I retreated into myself and spent the majority of the day in bed feeling sorry for myself.
It probably wasn't so wise to cut myself off from AM when he could help me handle it, but at the time I wasn't thinking clearly. I had no work or other commitments that day and that allowed me to wallow in self pity. Thinking about it with a clear head now I think if I had have had work that day or other commitments it may have helped. I wouldn't have been so focused on all the bad feelings but instead I would have kept busy. Maybe I need to schedule work and commitments for the days after play...
Anyway, about 12 hours passed with me feeling like this and I only moved from my bed to use the bathroom and get a drink. I didn't eat, I didn't drink nearly as much as I need to and I didn't talk to anyone. All of these didn't help. I knew they weren't helping but I didn't care. Stupid drop! I slept fitfully and I lost count of how many times I gave into temper tears.
Come the next morning I was STILL feeling rubbish! But by now I had enough. I yelled at myself and forced myself to move out of bed even though I didn't want to move still and talked to AM about what was going on. And I felt a little better. Not perfect, but at least I was no longer feeling the urge to burst into tears every ten minutes.
While discussing things with AM I thought about some of the other things we have done while being together. He has humiliated and degraded me into nothing, into a "worthless cumdump" and I didn't drop. He has fucked my face and throat until I vomited and I didn't drop. He has had me do AtM in person with him and I didn't drop. All things that at one point I never would have seen myself doing or enjoying. (Well, I didn't enjoy the AtM or vomit.) We have played with pee multiple times before and I didn't drop. I've had similar orgasms involving pee play and I didn't drop. But this time I did. And after trying to figure out why and trying to understand why something that is so mild for us made me drop and never being able to I reached one conclusion. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter why I dropped, it doesn't matter that the play was light for us. It doesn't matter that I originally thought I shouldn't be dropping from something like this when I have participated in far more intense play. What DOES matter is the fact I did drop. That is ALL that matters.
It doesn't matter how long you have been involved in a D/s lifestyle, or if it is especially intense or incredibly light play that causes you to drop. All that matters is knowing you did drop and how to deal with it. It can happen to people new to the lifestyle and it can happen to those who have been involved in the lifestyle for several years. I don't advise cutting yourself off, even if that is all you want to do. I think I would have been able to deal with it much more effectively and more quickly if I hadn't have gone down that route. I do advise talking to your partner and communicating and doing the things you usually enjoy, even if you have to force yourself to do them at first.
Even when it is the last thing on your mind because of how you are feeling it is important to make sure you stay well hydrated, fed, warm. All of those will help you overcome the drop more quickly. Although it may not even happen I would suggest that before play you have an "aftercare/drop kit." at the ready.
This can include things like a blanket to keep warm, biscuits/sugary sweets and juice to provide simple sugars back into your body. A long warm bath can help you begin to feel rejuvenated again. If you are long distance or online things like voice or cam calls help just to talk, watching a movie together, playing games, and of course lots of praise from your dom!
The important thing to remember is that sub drop is normal, it is okay, sometimes it isn't always expected but that is okay too. Communicate with your partner about how you are feeling and don't feel like you have to get through it on your own. Any dom worthy of the title will want to help you and bring you back into an emotionally stable place.
For us it was especially mild play, we have done ALOT of things that are much more intense and I haven't dropped after them. But this time, for no apparent reason, I dropped and I dropped hard.
Only a few minutes after I had cleaned myself up I was hit with a feeling of overwhelming sadness and passed on playing games (non kink) with AM, which is something I always really enjoy. When I passed he knew something wasn't quite right and asked what I would want to do if I could choose anything. I told him I would choose not to cry and have no idea why I was crying. Because by this time I was crying and I didn't even know why.
AM stayed with me, distracted me, cheered me up, let me choose what I wanted to do and made sure I had something sugary to eat and drink and soon the tears had stopped and I was feeling a little better. I assumed I was now okay.
Skip forward to the next morning and I was so grumpy! I was sad again, tears came for no reason and I spent the better part of the day alternating between tears, anger and thinking negative thoughts about myself. Knowing that this was subdrop didn't make it any easier, knowing it would pass didn't make it any easier and knowing the cause of it didn't make it easier to handle. Instead I retreated into myself and spent the majority of the day in bed feeling sorry for myself.
It probably wasn't so wise to cut myself off from AM when he could help me handle it, but at the time I wasn't thinking clearly. I had no work or other commitments that day and that allowed me to wallow in self pity. Thinking about it with a clear head now I think if I had have had work that day or other commitments it may have helped. I wouldn't have been so focused on all the bad feelings but instead I would have kept busy. Maybe I need to schedule work and commitments for the days after play...
Anyway, about 12 hours passed with me feeling like this and I only moved from my bed to use the bathroom and get a drink. I didn't eat, I didn't drink nearly as much as I need to and I didn't talk to anyone. All of these didn't help. I knew they weren't helping but I didn't care. Stupid drop! I slept fitfully and I lost count of how many times I gave into temper tears.
Come the next morning I was STILL feeling rubbish! But by now I had enough. I yelled at myself and forced myself to move out of bed even though I didn't want to move still and talked to AM about what was going on. And I felt a little better. Not perfect, but at least I was no longer feeling the urge to burst into tears every ten minutes.
While discussing things with AM I thought about some of the other things we have done while being together. He has humiliated and degraded me into nothing, into a "worthless cumdump" and I didn't drop. He has fucked my face and throat until I vomited and I didn't drop. He has had me do AtM in person with him and I didn't drop. All things that at one point I never would have seen myself doing or enjoying. (Well, I didn't enjoy the AtM or vomit.) We have played with pee multiple times before and I didn't drop. I've had similar orgasms involving pee play and I didn't drop. But this time I did. And after trying to figure out why and trying to understand why something that is so mild for us made me drop and never being able to I reached one conclusion. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter why I dropped, it doesn't matter that the play was light for us. It doesn't matter that I originally thought I shouldn't be dropping from something like this when I have participated in far more intense play. What DOES matter is the fact I did drop. That is ALL that matters.
It doesn't matter how long you have been involved in a D/s lifestyle, or if it is especially intense or incredibly light play that causes you to drop. All that matters is knowing you did drop and how to deal with it. It can happen to people new to the lifestyle and it can happen to those who have been involved in the lifestyle for several years. I don't advise cutting yourself off, even if that is all you want to do. I think I would have been able to deal with it much more effectively and more quickly if I hadn't have gone down that route. I do advise talking to your partner and communicating and doing the things you usually enjoy, even if you have to force yourself to do them at first.
Even when it is the last thing on your mind because of how you are feeling it is important to make sure you stay well hydrated, fed, warm. All of those will help you overcome the drop more quickly. Although it may not even happen I would suggest that before play you have an "aftercare/drop kit." at the ready.
This can include things like a blanket to keep warm, biscuits/sugary sweets and juice to provide simple sugars back into your body. A long warm bath can help you begin to feel rejuvenated again. If you are long distance or online things like voice or cam calls help just to talk, watching a movie together, playing games, and of course lots of praise from your dom!
The important thing to remember is that sub drop is normal, it is okay, sometimes it isn't always expected but that is okay too. Communicate with your partner about how you are feeling and don't feel like you have to get through it on your own. Any dom worthy of the title will want to help you and bring you back into an emotionally stable place.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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This is sooo sooo important. When you are already down it is so hard to blame yourself for feeling this way or make yourself feel bad for feeling that way. But it doesn't matter why you are feeling that way, or that it doesn't make sense, the important part is to remember it is ok! It is ok!
I agree that hiding is never a good idea.
I like the idea of having an aftercare/drop kit. I have been thinking more and more about it since we have started to discuss public scenes, it is something I will likely blog about once I put it together.Posted 04-12-2018 at 03:42 PM by Butterfly 
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IM
So well written and very informative especially for newbies, as you said even experienced long-term players like you can experience Sub drop and initially did not look after yourself.
And after care is so important especially in long distance play.
Well done on sharing this with usPosted 04-13-2018 at 12:35 AM by MrCharcol
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We were talking about drop the other day in mentorship chat, and it was interesting to read others' experiences of sub drop, how it feels, and what to do about it.
Afaik I've never experienced sub drop, so the conversation spurred me to do some research into it, to figure out why. Apparently sub drop is a combination of emotional response/self-doubt, and physiological response (exhaustion of supplies of hormones such as epinephrine and endorphins). The effects are, or are very similar to a short-term bout of depression, which is exactly what I thought when I read others' descriptions, and your very detailed description in this post.
So, why haven't I experienced sub drop? Given the new information I learned, I re-evaluated, and determined I might experience sub drop on a regular basis, and just not know it. With or without drop, I'm prone to severe depression, and have pursued/been given treatment from a very young age. So, for the physiological side of things, I may be protected a bit due to the medications I'm on. On the emotional side of things, yeah, having good coping skills is key. Whether or not you want it in the moment, practicing self-care is important. My routine involves regular exercise, social interaction (talking/chatting online helps, but getting out and interacting irl is important), grooming, relaxation techniques (meditation, cuddling, taking warm bubble baths), creative activities (painting/sketching, knitting, etc; my go-to is metalworking), healthy eating, and having a list/routine/box of stuff to distract myself and re-focus my thoughts if I'm negatively thinking (this is where an aftercare kit could come in handy). If you have rules in place that require you to practice those things on a regular basis, you'll be more resilient and (presumably) less likely to drop. You can work with your Dominant/Master/Mistress/Owner and ask them to give you rules that require you to do those things on a regular basis, so that even when you drop, you don't have the choice to withdraw/not eat/not take care of yourself.
Sorry to babble, my thoughts were a little scattered, but I hope what I just said can help.
Posted 04-13-2018 at 06:41 AM by perkygirlie
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True true very true!!
My pet has gone the most incredible scenes, yet she dropped once severely “just on the occasion of getting an orgasm”.
What could possibly go wrong?
I described it >>here<<.
The lesson for the dom,...
ALWAYS be prepared for it!!Posted 04-13-2018 at 11:18 AM by sir sam
