What does "No limits" Actually Mean?
Whenever I see threads where people state "I have no limits" or threads such as person above and someone says you have no limits, my automatic response is to roll my eyes. Which could be considered a little odd or hypocritical given I do not have limits with AM.
But.
That is the big difference. I choose not to have limits with someone I have been in a relationship with for almost two years, (Jeez, where did the time go?!) someone I trust unconditionally to look after me and keep me safe and someone who has earned my submission, my friendship, my loyalty, my trust and my respect.
I do not choose to have no limits with every Tom, Dick and Harry who couldn't give a shit about me beyond any help I can give in getting them off. Whilst I very much want AM and I to last for the next several decades, if for some reason we didn't, I doubt I would have "no limits" with anyone else ever again. Because AM is the only person I have allowed myself to go so deep into submission with, to give every part of myself and not hold a little or a lot of me back from him. And that comes with trust, time, chemistry, mutual respect and loyalty.
Does no limits with AM mean he can tell me to do something highly dangerous or damaging to myself? No. Sure, he could tell me to and then get a mouthful about how stupid he is being. But the important thing is that even though he could, he wouldn't. I have no limits with him, but there are limits to what he will ask from me. What fun is it for either of us if he asks me to do something that is going to end badly for me and affect my health, physically or otherwise? Zero fun. How could either of us continue to play if this happened? Not to mention the immediate broken trust that would occur and how can I be with someone I don't trust? I can't and wont.
He might ask me to do something I genuinely hate, something I would never do for anybody else, ever. Or something that I find extremely difficult, maybe even brings me to tears and takes hours to recover from when providing aftercare. But he will always only ask the things of me that I can recover from. The things that may be difficult for me to do but ones that don't have a deterimental effect on my emotional, mental or physical health long term.
And this brings me back to the opening of the blog. In those threads I see where someone states no limits, I also tend to see some idiot who takes it literal and gives a task that could cause actual bodily harm or worse and then use the "You said you had no limits" reason for being a jackass. That isn't what the phrase means and anyone with an ounce of common sense should know this or at least be willing to learn what it really means and how it should be earned by a play partner.
Of course, this is just my opinion and how I personally think it should be earned. I could be wrong although if you are looking for a serious relationship with someone you love trust and respect and can be friends with, I don't really think I am wrong. The phrase may seem extreme but if you are with the right person and go about it the right way, it can be done.
But.
That is the big difference. I choose not to have limits with someone I have been in a relationship with for almost two years, (Jeez, where did the time go?!) someone I trust unconditionally to look after me and keep me safe and someone who has earned my submission, my friendship, my loyalty, my trust and my respect.
I do not choose to have no limits with every Tom, Dick and Harry who couldn't give a shit about me beyond any help I can give in getting them off. Whilst I very much want AM and I to last for the next several decades, if for some reason we didn't, I doubt I would have "no limits" with anyone else ever again. Because AM is the only person I have allowed myself to go so deep into submission with, to give every part of myself and not hold a little or a lot of me back from him. And that comes with trust, time, chemistry, mutual respect and loyalty.
Does no limits with AM mean he can tell me to do something highly dangerous or damaging to myself? No. Sure, he could tell me to and then get a mouthful about how stupid he is being. But the important thing is that even though he could, he wouldn't. I have no limits with him, but there are limits to what he will ask from me. What fun is it for either of us if he asks me to do something that is going to end badly for me and affect my health, physically or otherwise? Zero fun. How could either of us continue to play if this happened? Not to mention the immediate broken trust that would occur and how can I be with someone I don't trust? I can't and wont.
He might ask me to do something I genuinely hate, something I would never do for anybody else, ever. Or something that I find extremely difficult, maybe even brings me to tears and takes hours to recover from when providing aftercare. But he will always only ask the things of me that I can recover from. The things that may be difficult for me to do but ones that don't have a deterimental effect on my emotional, mental or physical health long term.
And this brings me back to the opening of the blog. In those threads I see where someone states no limits, I also tend to see some idiot who takes it literal and gives a task that could cause actual bodily harm or worse and then use the "You said you had no limits" reason for being a jackass. That isn't what the phrase means and anyone with an ounce of common sense should know this or at least be willing to learn what it really means and how it should be earned by a play partner.
Of course, this is just my opinion and how I personally think it should be earned. I could be wrong although if you are looking for a serious relationship with someone you love trust and respect and can be friends with, I don't really think I am wrong. The phrase may seem extreme but if you are with the right person and go about it the right way, it can be done.
Total Comments 8
Comments
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There are things my Icemaiden has done for me that she has never done for anyone else. There are things she has chosen to give me that she has either never willingly given anyone, or learned were limits when she did them. Am I a 'bad Dom' for demanding these things? No.
The flip side to developing a relationship where "no limits" is based on a complete trust is the depth of submission that it brings. Knowing it will bring her to tears, knowing she will take hours to recover, she still submits to me - safe in the knowledge that I will make sure she is safe, make sure she is alright - both during and after.
And that is the flip side to our arrangement, and the only reason it works. I am constantly aware, constantly monitoring and checking everything we do to ensure that it doesnt harm my girl.Posted 06-22-2017 at 12:44 PM by AbusiveMaster 
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Worst decision I ever made was choosing this name! In the past I've had potential mistress' tell me "Why should we discuss your likes/dislikes? your name's NoLimitz!" I'm actually really glad to read this blog because you summed up my name better than I could have! Really well written blog, thank you.Posted 06-22-2017 at 12:51 PM by NoLimitz
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Although we have never officially labeled our relationship "no limits", I really do not have any limits with Asslvr. I know that he would never ask me to do anything to cause any harm, and I would pretty much do, or at least attempt to do, anything he asked of me.
However, just because I have "no limits" with Asslvr, it doesn't mean I don't have limits. I have limits with everybody else outside of him, and there are still things I call my limits but he has the right to ask me to break or push. For example, denial is a limit. Nobody is allowed to deny me longer than a day or two. It drives me insane. However, if Asslvr asked me to be denied for a week, it would still be a limit, but I would do my best to push that limit for him.
No limits is stupid. I don't even know if 0.01% of people can say that and actually mean it. I think people like to say no limits because they aren't meaning to actually do the task given, they just want to be given degrading things to fantasize about. Or maybe they don't know what their limits are. Or maybe they just have a death wish??
To me, saying no limits is usually a sign of not being serious. Of course there are rare exceptions, like you and AM. I don't know how you ever learned to trust the guy so much (
) but you did and what you have is wonderful. But that type of chemistry and commitment and trust is rare!Posted 06-22-2017 at 01:21 PM by Butterfly
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It's "worse",
We never discussed it,
But in daily reality, my pet just does what i ask.
Well,... to, some point. She will not kill herself for me.
What I try to say.
I'm pretty sure she would break something I know to be a limit if I would ask. She would have done it before realizing I over asked.
And she does that because she loves being in deep submission to me. And because she knows she can safely do. She knows I know her limits and will not break or even push them. She knows she can completely let go of fearing I would.Posted 06-22-2017 at 03:33 PM by sir sam
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No limits in your case with AM is also known as 'consensual non-consent' right? Your consent is always given to him implicitly?
Please correct me if this is not actually the same thing. Because in that case I'd like to know what the difference is.
In any case, I think you hit the nail right on the head here. Of course no limits could only ever work with someone who you trust completely. Completely and with your life. And that can only ever be achieved after being together for a while and knowing each other really really well.
I honestly think people should never just randomly say 'no limits' here. They can say 'I am willing to try many things' or 'I am willing to go pretty far'. But I guess no matter what they say there will always be idiots who would abuse.
Btw I think what you have with AM is really great. To be able to give your trust to someone like that so completely. And for AM to have earned such a trust from you, it takes great responsibility. Big respect to both of you!Posted 06-23-2017 at 10:22 AM by Jaro
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Consensual non-consent is somethng slightly different. Basically it comes down to "I am going to kick, scream, bite, say no, do whatever I can to not do this and you are going to make me do it anyway using whatever means necessary."
One example of this would be rape-play, another possibly consentual blackmail, or any sort of "forced" scenario. The consent is given beforehand and not asked for after - though safewords are reccomended in this sort of play just in case things take a turn for the worst.Posted 06-23-2017 at 01:14 PM by AbusiveMaster
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As I said before in a blog post: If you have no limits, just call now to the "red TV" in your country and tell them that you'll cut off your penis on air. If you're not willing to do it, then you obviously have some limits.
So I agree with your toughts!Posted 06-30-2017 at 02:21 PM by 321tt
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Because if you ever harmed me I would stab you in the eyes with a rusty fork. Then I'd move on to your penis.Quote:Originally Posted by AbusiveMaster
There are things my Icemaiden has done for me that she has never done for anyone else. There are things she has chosen to give me that she has either never willingly given anyone, or learned were limits when she did them. Am I a 'bad Dom' for demanding these things? No.
The flip side to developing a relationship where "no limits" is based on a complete trust is the depth of submission that it brings. Knowing it will bring her to tears, knowing she will take hours to recover, she still submits to me - safe in the knowledge that I will make sure she is safe, make sure she is alright - both during and after.
And that is the flip side to our arrangement, and the only reason it works. I am constantly aware, constantly monitoring and checking everything we do to ensure that it doesnt harm my girl.
I love you and I trust you and you're the bestest dom ever.
Thanks.Quote:Originally Posted by NoLimitz
Worst decision I ever made was choosing this name! In the past I've had potential mistress' tell me "Why should we discuss your likes/dislikes? your name's NoLimitz!" I'm actually really glad to read this blog because you summed up my name better than I could have! Really well written blog, thank you.
I HATE those posts saying I have no limits. I just think yes you will recieve dangerous tasks and then you will write a fake report of "Done it, more please." Drives me mental!Quote:Originally Posted by Butterfly
Although we have never officially labeled our relationship "no limits", I really do not have any limits with Asslvr. I know that he would never ask me to do anything to cause any harm, and I would pretty much do, or at least attempt to do, anything he asked of me.
However, just because I have "no limits" with Asslvr, it doesn't mean I don't have limits. I have limits with everybody else outside of him, and there are still things I call my limits but he has the right to ask me to break or push. For example, denial is a limit. Nobody is allowed to deny me longer than a day or two. It drives me insane. However, if Asslvr asked me to be denied for a week, it would still be a limit, but I would do my best to push that limit for him.
This!! No limits doesn't mean no limits for every person who decides they can dom you and so many morons miss that important part.
No limits is stupid. I don't even know if 0.01% of people can say that and actually mean it. I think people like to say no limits because they aren't meaning to actually do the task given, they just want to be given degrading things to fantasize about. Or maybe they don't know what their limits are. Or maybe they just have a death wish??
To me, saying no limits is usually a sign of not being serious. Of course there are rare exceptions, like you and AM. I don't know how you ever learned to trust the guy so much () but you did and what you have is wonderful. But that type of chemistry and commitment and trust is rare!
This is the key point, knowing you can let go and fully trust. It wont work without both of those.Quote:Originally Posted by sir sam
It's "worse",
We never discussed it,
But in daily reality, my pet just does what i ask.
Well,... to, some point. She will not kill herself for me.
What I try to say.
I'm pretty sure she would break something I know to be a limit if I would ask. She would have done it before realizing I over asked.
And she does that because she loves being in deep submission to me. And because she knows she can safely do. She knows I know her limits and will not break or even push them. She knows she can completely let go of fearing I would.
Thank you!Quote:Originally Posted by Jaroface
No limits in your case with AM is also known as 'consensual non-consent' right? Your consent is always given to him implicitly?
Please correct me if this is not actually the same thing. Because in that case I'd like to know what the difference is.
I think AM answered it very well on the next comment, much better than I could have done.
In any case, I think you hit the nail right on the head here. Of course no limits could only ever work with someone who you trust completely. Completely and with your life. And that can only ever be achieved after being together for a while and knowing each other really really well.
I honestly think people should never just randomly say 'no limits' here. They can say 'I am willing to try many things' or 'I am willing to go pretty far'. But I guess no matter what they say there will always be idiots who would abuse.
I don't know of a single relationship that has lasted longer than a few days where the first comments were saying they had no limits. Even with limits, d/s is all about trust-it makes sense that becomes even more important if you are going to consider no limits.
Btw I think what you have with AM is really great. To be able to give your trust to someone like that so completely. And for AM to have earned such a trust from you, it takes great responsibility. Big respect to both of you!
I just want a reason to hit bite and scratch you.Quote:Originally Posted by AbusiveMaster
Consensual non-consent is somethng slightly different. Basically it comes down to "I am going to kick, scream, bite, say no, do whatever I can to not do this and you are going to make me do it anyway using whatever means necessary."
One example of this would be rape-play, another possibly consentual blackmail, or any sort of "forced" scenario. The consent is given beforehand and not asked for after - though safewords are reccomended in this sort of play just in case things take a turn for the worst.
Thank you!Quote:Originally Posted by 321tt
As I said before in a blog post: If you have no limits, just call now to the "red TV" in your country and tell them that you'll cut off your penis on air. If you're not willing to do it, then you obviously have some limits.
So I agree with your toughts!Posted 07-18-2017 at 09:26 AM by IceMaiden
