my pet chicken is dead....i know a chicken is a strange thing to have. but i loved her very much. I'm extremely grief stricken...and...don't know what to write..

so today..I'm really horny fro some reason. when i asked Sir if i could masturbate...he said he's busy and cant talk..oh no! I'm not sure how long it'll be till he can get to me. till then i just have to be horny and not touch myself i guess... if i do the consequences are severe. I'm actually to the point of being somewhat shaky. why am i such a horny little bastage? on the flip side though. i ordered myself a butt plug will have all kinds of fun with that I'm sure

woo hoo! i can do...

this morning, Sir told me to masturbate immediately because it was the only chance I'd get. so i grabbed my vibrator and practically skipped to the bathroom. while i had it shoved in me. i thought maybe i should ask, and asked him if there were any conditions. he said no, just do it, just tell him when i was done. after that it just took about two minutes. (I'm incredibly horny) and i let him know.
he told me i cannot orgasm unless i ask him first. or my punishment will be that i will have to...

my nipples are very very sore. but that is apparently turning me on because they've been really hard all day long. i cant seem to shake it. Sir told me i could orgasm but i had to do it with 4 ice cubes in my ass.
my two thoughts on this is. 1. whoa. i've had 3 large ice cubes in my ass before and it felt like a stretch. (hah hah...stretch...hah..)
and 2.damn. putting that many ice cubes up there will be messy
i won't get a chance to do something like that till about eight o clock....

last night i went to meet Sir again.

i admitted to him that i needed punishment. which i did...because not only was i not able to keep my no masturbating vow...but i slept with my dads friend again. i admitted it to him, and he told me to meet him in 20. i said i didn't have the gas money. to which he replied "that's not a request." i kind of had an "oh shit" moment. i must admit.

bear in mind...this might not be a 100% accurate recollection of events...

i had a dream last night i just couldn't get out of my head all day. so I'll blog it.

i had a dream i was in a giant underground stadium. it was really weird looking, the walls very very blue, and granite-ish looking and the center of the room was filled with a maze of jail cells. there were seats along the edge, and they were absolutely filled with thousands of people. I started my dream up in the stands, there were people down below wandering around, and there was a sizzling excited...

well. it's been awhile since i updated. i am quite litteraly torn between my faith and my desires. i can't really explain it in a way most can understand. but being the person i am. i have to give all to either. like i said. it's just who i am and how i'm wired. i've decided to fast from sex or anything for a month. HOLY HELL is it difficult. i kind of feel like ripping off the clothes of the next person i may happen to see with my teeth and rapeing them. well. aside from children...and the elderly......