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Am I a bad submissive?

Posted 10-27-2015 at 08:56 PM by punishmypussy

I don't get off on feeling like I'm not worth as much as another person. I don't find any kind of sexual thrill in being told I'm not worthy or that I can't have something because I'm not as good as someone else. I don't like being called degrading names or being mocked for my physical features. I don't believe Boyfriend is better than me, and I'll certainly never admit it to him. I won't capitalize his name and refer to myself with lower-case pronouns to show deference.

So am I a bad submissive? Should I be feeling like he's better than I am, or more than I am somehow? I respect him, for sure. And when I'm feeling subby, like I have been these past few days, there's nothing I want more than for him to pull me across his lap and tell me I've been bad, or for him to throw me down and make me do what he wants. I want to follow his orders. I want to be punished if I refuse. But I think that feeling comes from wanting to know that someone else cares about me enough to want the best for me rather than feeling like someone else knows what's best for me better than myself. I've never found arousal in the d/s relationships where there's a clearly defined status difference between the dom and sub. I prefer it when it's clear that there's mutual respect between the two, not just respect for the dom. I like my doms to know that the sub is willingly giving herself to him and that she could take that away at any time. I like it when they know that the sub is choosing to submit to him and trust him, not because she can't take care of herself but because she wants someone else to.

I guess I don't think I'm a bad submissive. I just can't see myself ever following blindly in Boyfriend's footsteps. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, but I worry that it's not always what he wants. It certainly seems out of the norm for couples lately. I just want to feel like a strong, independent woman while at the same time being spanked like a child.
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  1. Old Comment
    naughtylittlegirl's Avatar
    Nope, you aren't a bad submissive at all. Not all submissives are, nor should they have to be, into humiliation, and respect for the dominant shouldn't have to be based on blind submission (I personally think submission is better when it is a conscious choice rather than an across-the-board knee-jerk reaction) nor on the submissive being somehow less than the dominant. They are complimentary. And while there is an imbalance of power and control, because the submissive does give up power and control to the dominant within the specified limits, it does not mean that one has an inherently different value as compared to the other. For some, a difference in status is part of that power dynamic, but I agree with you, it isn't necessary to D/s.

    I'd rather be with someone who respects me and values me infinitely more than someone who puts me down in order to feel superior and believes I am less than what I am.
    Posted 10-27-2015 at 09:04 PM by naughtylittlegirl naughtylittlegirl is offline
  2. Old Comment
    7Clubs's Avatar
    I agree with naughtylittlegirle.
    Posted 10-28-2015 at 10:55 AM by 7Clubs 7Clubs is offline
    Updated 11-12-2015 at 05:04 AM by 7Clubs
 

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